Long Scallywag Poems
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Cap’n Jordan was a scallywag from his nose to his toes.
He was determined to follow the gold through rumors galore.
Trusty companion tried to follow him, his name was Mose.
But Cap’n Jordan came just as Cap’n shoved off the shore.
For a decade or two Mose searched for his favorite pirate king.
‘He sang sea shanties in honor of him with an elegant ring.
Cap’n Jordan had apparently finally found the coins he sought.
His skeleton holding fast to the treasure chest, deteriorating a lot.
Mose was horrified when he received the horrible news.
He demanded the forensics which showed a couple of views.
The skeleton was wearing a wicked smile, a pirate’s glee.
At least he found treasure! Mose said. That’s better than me!
A lone wolf, Karlow listened to the jagged parts of herself
That made her a scamp, a scallywag, a jammed up wood elf.
She had been on her own in the mystical forest for days.
She heard the whispers of the owlets, their wisdom a praise.
She had renamed herself Karlow, to fool the hunters chasing her
Vowing to never return to the evil king from Kingdom of Murr.
She was a shape-shifter. She transmogrified during yesterday’s hunt.
She changed into an elf, right in front of them, naked, to be rather blunt.
Karlow was tired of the harem; it smelled of perfume and lotion.
She had stayed hidden, not wanting to be summoned at a king’s notion.
She wanted to learn multiplication, geometry, algebra, and vocabulary.
She had her sights on running an orphanage, fudge factory and dairy.
Night-greeter, a virile young male elf found her to be delightful.
She did not want to talk; he recognized this, for he was insightful.
So he gave her some space, but he watched her carefully from afar.
For he had never seen a beautiful elf before who arrived on a star.
She was the best teacher ever born in our county, a tiny woman with a giant adventurous soul.
Miss Fizzle from Magic School bus was probably designed after someone met Miss Raggletoots.
Okay it is not her real name but I cannot give you the true name of this scallywag, for it
would be notoriously rude to tell the truth, and the truth is what we need here
For the sheer fun of it, and the faster moving along of this tale, I must let you know that
I was in the sixth grade, in a small, boring, eight-nine percent uptight, rule-following, Iowa farm town when I met Mrs. Raggletoots.
She was a science teacher which may sound boring to those who have not met her,
But she was a
Scoundrel,
A knave,
A rogue,
And she did nothing by the book, did not attend church, did not wave to mean people, did not respect bullies, did not adhere to social norms of any kind, and cared in no way about laws or rules.
Under her jurisdiction, we blew up toys, we blew up chairs, and we learned the ways of a wood chopper, We happy sixth graders chopped up umbrellas, and flower boxes, and books – especially non-fiction books about etiquette, and women’s places and stuff.
The only books we did not chop were the science books, as by this time we were all falling in love with science.
And we did all kinds of other renegade stuff,
Because she wanted to show us
How science could be fun.
You are a rapscallion, the principal
said, yelling at her with a mean face.
Two of us were worried, and we told our parents, but
They assured us that he would probably not get rid of
The favorite-est science teacher we have ever had because of our track record.
He did not dare fire her,
Because although
She was a scoundrel,
With a hearty laugh, and scallywag's glee
I've acquired their riches, and conquered the sea!
Like a timid lass... they will turn, and flee
showing their backsides, to the likes of me!
Lily livered, they're fearin' my brand!
Shiverin' they be, till they're walking on land!
Arrgg!! shouts first mate, calling out to the crew,
"Tally-ho!" fills me ears, as the chance now ensues
Setting sail in a race, up high on the waves
I spy with my glass, wily cowards to chase
'Tis we, mighty foes, that will ransom the sea!
Mighty bold is me, with me old pirate's creed!
Alas! there he is, what a fool is he!!
To rush into battle with the likes of me!!
Sailin' the waves on the blimey sea
Stung by a sword, the scallywag flees!
How swift he sails, along in the blue..
Yo ho ho! Thar' he be!
He'll be countin' his days, and soon on his knees
A sorry tale, will allot him, his sword just a broom
Me' cross=bone skull is flying wild
and waves a mighty doom!!
I am Blackbeard the Pirate....remember my name!
You will fill up your froth of my flowing fame
You will guzzle ye' grog, or a bit of ye' rum
Yea' ... call me the devil, with a bit of a scum!
Girdled with face of a hundred scars
Fear of me' wrath, either by sun or by stars
It gladdens the heart of a scoundrel like me
You'll best not forget ....tis' a Blackbeard ye' fear!!
A lone wolf, she listened to the jagged parts of herself
That made her a scamp, a scallywag, a jammed up wood elf.
She had been on her own in the mystical forest for days.
She heard the whispers of the owlets, their wisdom a praise.
She renamed herself Karlow, to fool the hunters chasing her
Vowing to never return to the evil king from Kingdom of Murr.
She was a shape-shifter. She transmogrified during yesterday’s hunt.
She changed into an elf, right in front of them, naked, to be rather blunt.
Karlow was tired of the harem; it smelled of perfume and lotion.
She had stayed hidden, not wanting to be summoned at a king’s notion.
She wanted to learn multiplication, geometry, algebra, and vocabulary.
She had her sights on running an orphanage, fudge factory and dairy.
Night-greeter, a virile young male elf found her to be delightful.
She did not want to talk; he recognized this, for he was insightful.
So he gave her some space, but he watched her carefully from afar.
For he had never seen a beautiful elf before4 who arrived on a star.
It was one of those nights that a rapscallion would swoon
our pirate ship glided almost silently by the light of the moon
we were stealthily advancing on a world we did not know
They would experience our cutthroat ways before we would go
I hear they have women my bunkmate whispered to me
What would this scallywag know? He was merely twenty-three.
I hear they are pretty whispered a lad on the other side
I rolled my eyes; when we got there, where would they hide?
They were not true pirates, they did not understand.
They were bold, loud, young and foolish, not part of our band.
I was irritated with our leader for letting them get on board.
While I was thinking this, one of them loudly snored.
For over thirty years we had sneaked into this marvelous cove.
We had stolen their best things, I swear this, by jove!
But on this trip these young ones ruined everything by being loud.
We barely escaped with your lives from the hostile island crowd.
The American Library Association
implores cognoscenti tubby alert
impersonators, who
call themselves Ernie and Bert
took a page from Sesame Street Playbook
oft times accompanied
by a Soundcloud of dirt,
boot none other then Pigpen,
(who worked for Peanuts),
and pay-dirt, though
dismissed, cuz he did not exert
true grit, plus more seriously scandalous
sordid details suppressed kept from press,
(which scurrilous breach of conduct
involved said scallywag
violating more than flirt
discovered in prurient compromised activity,
where his skin flute encircled,
with an ambrosia girt
transgressions possibly affected
public television station benefactors,
and sterling reputation of bottom line, nor hurt
locker talk (albeit via exaggerated mainly
to make a profit sounding proper
sanctimonious Cliff (hanging) notes,
asper faux expected by
a "FAKE" trumping prophet,
sans motley crue comic
stripped of more'n
motion picture PG ratings,
hence future lurid, graphic,
banal, ampersand
(&) dressing room banter
muted, disallowed, and banned
so storied characters birthed by Charles Shulz,
(who passed away prior to near canned
aforementioned indiscretion debacle)
returning amidst fanfare hoopla
much as possible grand
jour "Making Peanuts Great Again" hand
diddly restoring full metal paperback jacketed
glory and apple pie order land
ding rebirth of cherished popular iconic
easy to digest bookworm feed
which unexpectedly, inadvertently,
and horrifyingly
brewed ferocious breed
on par with the Alaskan Bull Worm,
whereat armed guards
strategically stationed
at libraries entrances indeed
aware voracious young readers,
would pay no heed
to any obstacle, and such unstoppable
ravishing knowledge
hungry kids did exceed
capacity security details dashed away,
faster then Clifford
the big red dog speed!
The American Library Association
implores cognoscenti tubby alert
for impersonators, who
call themselves Ernie and Bert
took a page from Sesame Street Playbook
oft times accompanied
by a Soundcloud of dirt,
boot none other then Pigpen,
(who worked for Peanuts),
and pay-dirt, though
dismissed, cuz he did not exert
true grit, plus more seriously scandalous
sordid details suppressed kept from press,
(which scurrilous breach of conduct)
involved said scallywag
violating more than flirt
discovered in prurient compromised activity,
where his skin flute encircled,
with an ambrosia girt
transgressions possibly affected
public television station benefactors,
and sterling reputation of bottom line, nor hurt
locker talk (albeit via exaggerated mainly
to make a profit) sounding proper
sanctimonious Cliff (hanging) notes,
asper faux expected by
a "FAKE" trumpeting prophet,
sans motley crue comic
stripped of more'n
motion picture PG ratings,
hence future lurid, graphic,
banal, ampersand
(&) dressing room banter
muted, disallowed, and banned
so storied characters birthed by Charles Shulz,
(who passed away prior to near canned
aforementioned indiscretion debacle)
returning amidst fanfare hoopla
much as possible grand
jour "Making Peanuts Great Again" hand
diddly restoring full metal paperback jacketed
glory and apple pie order land
ding rebirth of cherished popular iconic
easy to digest bookworm feed
which unexpectedly, inadvertently,
and horrifyingly
brewed ferocious breed
on par with the Alaskan Bull Worm,
whereat armed guards
strategically stationed
at libraries entrances indeed
aware voracious young readers,
would pay no heed
to any obstacle, and such unstoppable
ravishing knowledge
hungry kids did exceed
capacity security details dashed away,
faster then Clifford
the big red dog re: oh speed
wagon in toto (oz suppose)
to escape paginated bound woes,
but especially to flee bozos
not tubby confused with Bezos -
(the richest cat on planet Earth),
whose cashiered spigot flows
née gushes without any need to faucet.
Yo-Ho-Ho And Shiver Me Timbers
Shiver me timbers and loosen me limbers
I sail me sloop until it lin’ers
And drop anchor in t’ nearest lagoon
Bury me treasure chest full o’ doubloons
Then set off durin t’ next full moon
~
“Aarrr!” I’m happy go-lucky sea piratin Cap’n
With a short wooden leg and a limp, earrin’s, and rin’s on every fin’er
Metal silver hook for me left hand
Me cutlass, dagger, and dirk o’ me belt
Not a landlubber at all
~
Not a thin’ scares me that stand in my way
Especially when I’ve had a few grogs in me belly
Aye, I carry around me Ahoy! bucko Polly me parrot on me shoulder
That keeps me on t’ straight and narrow
~
They call me a barbaric and thief I don’t know why
A great insult t’ me, I just laugh into my handkerchief in disbelief
~
Don’t insult me temper because it gets carried away
Sarcasm, rudeness, and insults I cannot help
When swashbucklin’ scallywag get in me way
~
Me hearty weigh anchor
Or I’ll give ye a taste o’ walkin t’ plank
T’ Davy Jones’ Locker you will go and feed t’ fishes for mutinous
Dead men tell no tales!
~
Aye, aye, mates, pull anchor and set sail
I be Silver Hook a feared pirate that sails t’ seas
9/5/2015
Contest Name :A Pirate's Life For Me
Sponsor Name: Kelly Deschler
Look out for a Scally getting pally in an alley
Or a boy from a Welsh Valley going doolally
Watch out for a Gadabout in polished brogue
Keep tally of reprobates mates out on a rally
The Rogue knack seems to be back in vogue
King of the bling castle that Rascal debacle sparkle
Why possibly be a flunky if you could instead be
Punky freaky funky sneaky spunky cheeky monkey
Wastrel with Scoundrel and a Ne’er Do Well revel
Grins sparking at sins of fancy dans and Harridans
Twins of long pins dance spin with larking Larrikins
Drifter Imp or Grifter pimp do scrimp always a cad
Unravel dishevel like a Devil from that lower level
Had by a champ Scamp Artful Dodger to crafty lad
Fond of Rapscallion swearing Vagabond & medallion
Delightful tomfoolery wearing well frightful jewellery
Drunken Scallywag swagbag brag of sunken galleon
Blighter sounder Bounder all rounder fighter & stallion
Villain scouring vulture devouring souring culture carrion
Tyro on giro Rake or Tyke on the take always a Herbert
Hasty helluva pasty fella but tasty & stellar as fresh turbot
Can't cellar or curb it not a hermit more animal than kermit
Shan’t enslave a fave Knave or Snake who crave a sherbet..