Long Sadnight Poems
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**This poem is too long and will not fit so I had to break it into two parts, please read the second part!**
A lot of people in our family have suffered with addiction,
But most of them are the more commonly thought about kind, smoking, drugs, and alcohol.
But you, you have a unique one.
Work used to be your addiction, you lost yourself to it.
Now you’ve pushed even your work aside, now you’re stuck on that stupid computer game.
It’s taking over your life!
When the summer began you promised we would have a game night once a week.
Apparently you were thinking of only a game you could play.
It started out casually going on in your spare time,
Slowly creeping its way into your life, it took you over.
Now you spend money, real money,
money we could have spent on something for the family, on your stupid computer game.
You stay up all night talking to people you don’t know online,
While I sit in the other room with a hole in my heart, a hole that only you could fill.
You make international calls to people you have never met, people that you never will meet.
But you know what?
None of that is the thing that really bugs me.
The thing that really bugs me is the fact that you don’t even realize you’re addicted.
I suppose that’s normal for addicts.
They don’t realize they have a problem.
They don’t realize they’re pushing those who love them away.
They don’t realize they’re turning into someone different.
When we found out that Kyle had an addiction to coke,
You made us exile him from our lives,.
you made me have to completely turn away from my own brother in his time of need,
because you thought it would work.
And you know what?
You were right!
It worked!
He’s not addicted anymore, it cured him.
Now my question is,
Would it work for you too?
Is that what we should do?
Should we completely exile you from our lives, just so you can kick your addiction?
Well personally I don’t think it would.
I don’t think it would because you don’t even realize you have a problem.
You don’t think anything is wrong.
As I look at the land where I was born
I search far and wide for years now gone
When every waking moment was ripe with hope
When to reach for the stars all you needed was a rope
Where the days were a flurry of scenes so sweet
Where the night was just that, a time to sleep
And the dreams were filled with happy thoughts
Coming true in haste and not always sought
I remember the height of my life would be
To just lie on the beach and then swim in the sea
The sheer excitement in my face when my father showed
The train tickets to the northern peaks all snowed
Oh the soothing calm of a walk in the lane
With no thoughts or qualms or worries or pain
And the wind so kind on the body caressed
Just a gentle reminder of a land so blessed
And then one day in a blink of an eye
What I thought was mine till the day that I die
Was consumed by a fire raging hot and bright
Like a blinding flash summoning a dark endless night
And in that fleeting moment, my whole world changed
Bringing grief and sadness and a nation so drained
Deforming the way of life that we knew so well
Quoting religion falsely to have their needs propelled
And with such brutal force did the tides turn
Not just villages and towns but whole cultures were burned
Crushing love and tolerance all values in psalms
Moulding a whole new way, a new version of Islam
Preaching hatred against all, no one left to escape
Forcing a veil on life, the real teachings were draped
Fearing only the truth which could alter their fate
Using might and terror against the challengers to their faith
I look away, holding back the tears in my eyes
Wondering how a land so rich and wise
Could lose it all in such haste, such a small space in time
Why the leaders let it happen, such a heinous crime
And it dawns on me the reality of things
That there is nothing more important than what education brings
As a nation we have failed to pay our debt
Having bred illiterate fools than a country more adept
Form:
On this night....
Screaming and yelling is all I can hear
I want to get up, But fear reappears
I swiftly close my eyes But can't fall asleep
I hear a series of shots, From across the street
Once again, It's just like before
I rise to my feet , Then drop to the floor
Shaky legs, And Watery eyes
Praying prayers, I just want to survive
Bloodstained spots,Yellow tape surrounding
Broken fragments of glass,Who's underneath
The blanket of death
One cough, One whisper,One last little breath
Family and friends so violently wept
Rants of revenge, Are bellowing near
Frightened eyes, shed clouds of tears
Into the night I slip away
But not so quiet return at day
I blankly stare upon the walls
My breath escapes into a fog
A not so quiet day like this
I feel as if I don't exist
It's kind of late into the game,
But life goes on, Its all the same
A drink or drug could never heal,
What's happening is still so real,
You can't imagine how this feels
A broken heart, A wounded soul
Swollen lips, Dead body cold
A second, A day , A breaths taken away
A minute, An hour, A loss of human power
Every month and every week
So many more lives are taken quickly
Is time running out, Are eyes going blind?
Are ears going deaf? Will there be anything left?
My heart's in remission to end it right here
My body's positioned to stand up to fear
Existence is determined, The struggle against defeat
The time is coming up so fast, Into the night I weep
From the moment we arrived,Terror increased
Now is the time for us to pack up and leave
A hard look at our life, Has made us sober
We have no choice but to start over
My family and I lived through nightmare after
nightmare in our old apartments for 3 years
and just 2 years ago, we moved. Thank God
he made a way out for us to escape safely.
You said things were different now
That we need to be allies
But we have only grown apart
And it's your fault
Family is supposed to be forever
But what has happened is he died
And now you've changed
And it's not for the better
Who am I supposed to look up to
What am I supposed to do
How can I tell right from wrong
When everything around me is falling apart
It took me years to find my inner peace
And because of you
I want to do the bad thing again
You've changed and it's changed me
I can't keep living a lie
Putting on a smile for everyone
At night it takes all my strength
To block out the memory
11:34AM
Strangers running up the stairs, dressed like policemen
"He's in there!" you point to the bedroom eyes wild
.....what's going on?
"I think he's dead" hysterical
I did not cry
I spoke with the police, told them his name
Told them he had a headache the night before
But otherwise everything was fine
You were hysterical, but you were my mother
I needed you then as I need you now
Instead you cried on the couch and I took care
of what you simply could not
I did not cry
I had to be strong
They covered him with a blanket, he was lying on the floor
His blood was on the pillow
I reached under and stroked his hair, his forehead
I said goodbye. I choked back tears, his face was cold
We used to be so close
Why is it that now when we need each other most
All we can seem to do is butt heads
I love you, and I want to feel loved too
I don't have anyone but you
You're supposed to be there forever
But then again
So was he
The night would steal his love away
across the bridge of the moon.
He knew that it might try one day,
But it has come that bit too soon.
It cut itself a creature,
From its own satanic cloth,
And a rider plucked from Hades
Did bestride this behemoth.
Oh hear the sound
Of pounded ground
Beneath its fissured hooves!
See the craven ravens
Seeking highest high-up havens!
And the dizzy weak-kneed witches
Hiding timidly in ditches.
The bats, the rats,
The mice, the owls,
The creatures that slink through the night;
The foxes and stoats
And blubbering toads,
My, how he puts them to flight!
Evil will fear greater evil,
more than it fears good;
And even the daemons and dusky elves
Risk refuge under the Church’s rood.
Oh hear the churning of crumbling earth,
The turning helpless ravaged turf,
The creaking croaking breaking trees,
The rivers sprinting to the sea,
The children crying,
The weakened dying,
And the distant hiss of burning hope.
My prince, my prince, wake up, wake up!
The gate is opened, the drawbridge down!
Where is your armour, where your sword?
The lady will give you just reward!
The night has stolen his love away
across the bridge of the moon.
He knew that it might try one day,
But it came that bit too soon.
Form:
He did not do it literally
But he killed her just the same
It started on the very night after
The day she took his name
She stuck to her religious dogma
And was chaste until the vows were said
He purchased the ring before they were ready
In his anxiety to get her in his bed
Then they found they were incompatible
When it came to the sexual deed
And his Mr. Hyde started growing inside
Due to an unfulfilled physical need
The abuse was mostly mental
With neglect and apathy sprinkled in
She became a domestic prisoner
And that’s when the dying did begin
She could not bring herself to leave him
That religious upbringing once again
Sometimes behavior inspired by a fear of God
Results in the greater sin
They ruled the overdose accidental
Depression and pain pills mixed too much
Washed down with lots of alcohol
To add the finishing touch
He did not do it literally
But he killed her just the same
It started on the very night after
The day she took his name
It's so hard
So cruel
This night
Will never end
Another dark world
Stretching on to
Eternity
I've been here before
Night after night after night after night
And it's never any
Easier
I wait
Forever
I'm always waiting
The creation
That follows
Is not
Enough solace
For the sleepy
State
I suffer
Without respite
Without release
Into that
World
I know awaits me
I'll never
Be free
Of this curse
And a chemical
Release
Is denied me
The strongest
Toxins
Cannot free
Me
I'll never sleep
Again
I'm trapped
Here
In the infinity
Of night
No dreams
No reflection
No purpose
As time has all
But
Frozen
To torment me
Night after night after night after night
As pale summer dark
And insensitive
Singing
Birds
Belie the true depth
Of the
Hour
And it's so hard
So cruel
And I begin to wonder
If I will ever see
The beauty of
Dreaming
Again
Form:
A night flame burning high,
Reaching to the sky, why?
Wind whips, the dragon appears.
What you see is real?
How sharp the edges,
Cut like a knife,
The night air.
Love me till tomorrow,
Be with me always,
Not just in my heart.
I am going away,
The Alabama moon,
No longer shines for her.
Your eyes,
Do they see, they are seen?
Reach to the sky,
In the mist the ghost appears.
Ride the wind,
The dragons flames,
Ride, ride, open up inside.
Always the ghost,
Lurking waiting,
Ghost of past, so far back.
No one can see,
But all is seen,
Dance with the wind,
Feel the vibration, touch.
Love life,
I am not the one for you,
I have no morals,
Go skinny dipping, fun.
Clap your hands,
Squeeze mud between your toes,
Sara sing, lace and flowers.
Black ribbon on the door,
See the gypsy dance,
A fire blazing,
The ghost is gone,
May he rest in peace.
Reasons I can’t let you go or face the night alone.
My inter child you have been left alone, to long without a face to call your own.
You face the night alone in a pasted you can’t call your own. You face the night alone in a pasted you can’t stand of live with anymore.
Reasons for your past you want to call your own but they are inside your mind. For reasons that are unknown.
You want to call it your own because you have faced to many nights alone.
With fear in the dark for you can’t see your lost and for reasons that ant your own.
People hurt you leaving you alone for reasons that no one
know.
My inter child you are not alone but have someone that care for you outside the darkness, out of the rain of your tears.
Which is me and God we will hold you, as the tears fall and heal you broke heart inside.
Who'd dare the exacerbation of the cloud
and cut the fire for the grave;
tell the Epaulette he's a bum;
break the choking silence
and burst the truth for the street?
Night, night oh barbaric night
pregnant with cordite blood and brine
humiliate the essence of life and living
as the grumpy ravenous sword
plant dirges in every field:
the Epaulette.The overlord.The fear.
Mourning morning night morning
talking stars would be in the pen
a-roosting with the cockerel
to plant feints in opposing maths
to see the yet unseen day of light.
The roads are hasty avowals
where Erebus holds the sceptre sway
where life's like a pebble in the sea
where masks cruise with the law in the lawless
leaving in their wake,requiem mass blood and tears.
Who'd break the silence?