Long Piss off Poems

The old church lay in ruins, left to languish in time.
He was sitting on the grave talking to Sergeant R Johnston.
Well, I suppose you want an update on the war.
Let me see now, where do...

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OMG this is what I think as I am reading? 
thus pus poems and yes they stink
simple in word mire contrivances with 
rancid rhyme scheme redundants that
exude explanatory expectorants spouting 
word wormy willy wally whilst...

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I’ve got a flat tyre.

Congratulations, hope you’ll both be very happy.

Can you fix it?

Are you going to a fancy dress party?

I’m getting married, Sherlock.

Wow, kept that quiet, who’s the poor sod.

Nigel, and I’m in a...

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Unkempt, bedraggled,
Pushing her life before her
In a tatty shopping trolley,
Covered in a dirty duvet.
She moves around the town,
Slowly, 
Head down,
Hugging the walls and side alleys,
Trying to be inconspicuous.

One day with curious concern, I approach.
"Hello, how...

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The day has come for me to commit the ultimate act
With the voices in my head that I had formed a pact
I woke up early, had a hot shower in the dark
So my body would...

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Step 1-Live in a grand palace with your overbearing father or evil stepmother.
Step 2-Even though you are a princess and live in a palace or castle you have to remember to whine all the time....

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It was in the Barley Tavern, on a normal Friday night,
I’d ordered flatty tails and chips for tea, before I’m sitting down,
with a schooner full of Coopers stout, when I caught a sight,
of Curly Easson...

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Oh! How I long for that
one sweet moment of
loneliness, when the human race
decides to piss off, leaving me
to wallow in my own
company.
The pressurized world,
the ceremonious
corporate reciprocates, one’s
space to foul, with flouting
flagrant farts! Creating
thunderous turmoil, a
chaotic...

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This is the Cannabis song,
they've turned something good. 
made is seem wrong,

It's illegal why?
Come on politics,
don't be shy

So many uses for this wonder drug,
Wonderful for clothing and sometimes rugs,
Fords model T car was built from...

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He wasn't just gay,
he was GAY gay.  The saddest gay person
I've ever known.  He was my friend.
He said that I was all he had...
me and Jesus.  But he could talk to me
a...

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far far away, where it's legal to be gay... 
to be committed to a real person of the same sex, 
rather than some social inter grated 
politically correct. 

However, there is a downside too... 
this...

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A llegiance to no other VICE except a NEW YORK CITY ATTITUDE
B oroughs Brooklyn, Bronx, Manhattan, Queens and Staten island, take your pick
C ity that never sleeps
D isown your chewing gum on the sidewalk
E mpire...

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She talks to angels but what is she speaking? What are the prayers she is asking 
for,the mystery that the remains the question i ask. Dont understand the 
mystery of her actions is it a...

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I give up
no 
strike that
I Quit.
this is not happening
no matter what I do you--

that's just perfect
lets blame it all on me then shell we?
oh I need to calm down
I'm over reacting?
I'm not even raising my...

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Life is grim, 
perpetually dim,
Don’t know what’s missing, 
It belongs within,
Everything I eat, 
tastes the same, 
Drinking no better, 
insipid and plain,

Can’t be bothered, 
to answer the door,
Lost all interest,
in peace and gore,
Walking upstairs, 
Brings...

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Her Mother says I'm not that bright
      in need of supervision.
A wayward male who would likely fail
      to make a good decision.
So I've lost my...

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Lack of confidence,
Frozen in silence,
I feel like I'm out of time.
There's nothing I can do,
I'm a failure,
And askew,
Even can't compare to the lore...
WTF,
I don't wanna cry no more!
You know nothing,
nothing,
You know nothing,
nothing,
You know nothing,
nothing,
You know...

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I am an Alchemist, not a Manifestor - I am grateful I realized the difference. 
I would know in my mind, and wait my due time, and nothing would even be seen in the distance....

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Posh Poetry 
How was I to know, the invitation to a poetry reading was a posh affair? 
Thought it was the usual thing with sausage rolls and warm red wine.
Felt as the poor relation to...

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Jingle bells
and reindeer smells -- 
note to Mrs. Clause: 

before Eve-trip, to reduce
scent and slip, no beer
and sardines for Rudolph!

That damn Guiding Red-nose
needs to find other fuel for
his radiant beam-glows! (takes a lot
to piss-off Santa)
...

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Yes sir- ee- bob...
I'm a Jack of all trades,
Yet but master of quite few...
Let me list now...
Some of the things I can do...
Cook a meal, you won't
soon forget,
Eatting my meals,
You'll never regret...
Hearing me make music...
Maybe...

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Being 59

How are you going to tell her?
Fired again by a 30 something?
Don’t you know your profession? 
How can you forget a whole profession?

No, you didn’t forget it.
It’s the way you do it. 
You piss...

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ALLERGIES

I’m tired of these rains of salty tears
Caused by allergens in my atmosphere.
Since allergies last the entire year,
Why they’re called “seasonal” isn’t clear.

The stinging spores are always near,
Welling and swelling and telling, 
I fear, of...

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Oh, Father Dear!

When my children were small, I played with them, I was
a good father carried them on my shoulders, but when
they became teenagers and truculent I lost all interest in
their silly arguments paid for...

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Your validations eradicated from the goodness of a nightmare
You may wonder outside of the box
But you will soon be greeted by the face of a wall (the sign of a new box)
No one Truly thinks...

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