Long Horseradish Poems
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I live in a "Mean Peoplez Zone"
soou
leave me alone: I'll introduce
to you to my dad Miezzer.
So stringy is he
and I'll let you see: he's
so
cheap he waits for clothes to go
on sale at goodwill. he told a story
of aman who used a elk, deer and
moose to stem cell meat for cheep.
They only asked me was it gamey
he said. " Nah: Nah, the fella spoke
real quality meat!
Now course you gotta put alotta
garlic onions
and horseradish and stuff
on it not to taste the
woods and grasseyness
other than that it's real quality meats,
gamey no, no i
Wouldn't play around with
something a foolish as that "
niw myself I like the straps from the leather
it's a savings bonanza.
Son of the Scarecrow
2 cups of browned ground beef ( or 2 cups of lump crabmeat)
(or 2 cups of shrimp pureed)
1 cup of green onion
4 tablespoons of crushed garlic
1/2 cup of lime juice
1 tablespoon of horseradish ( no horseradish if using crabmeat)
1/4 cup of fresh chopped cilantro
3 tablespoons of cayenne pepper
3/4 cups of sun dried tomatoes
3/4 cups of sautéed green bell peppers
2 egg yolks
(in a food processer: blend until beef is chopped into a smooth paste)
add .......................................................
2 cups of cream cheese
1/3 cup of buttermilk cultures
1 cup of parmesan cheese
1 cup of small-diced (seeded, peeled) cucumber
1/3 feta cheese
mix together and make a creamy smooth paste
using a butter rich pie crust, make turnovers and bake until golden brown
dip for turnovers
1 cup of sour cream
1/4 cup of chopped dill
1/4 sassy ( a reduction of 1/3 cup of lime juice and 3 tablespoons of vodka. Cooked until about reduced to 1/4 cup)
2 tablespoons of onion powder
2 tablespoon of sesame seed oil
2 tablespoons of fish stock
2 tablespoons of browned crushed garlic( or caramelized garlic)
***(dehydrated garlic flakes soaked in the fish stock can be used as a substitute)***
pork tunovers
3 cups of shredded pork
( sautéed pork shredded in a food processer)
2 cups of cream cheese
1 cup of sautéed green onion and 1 cup of diced apples..at the end of sauté, add 2 tablespoons of ,olive oil 2 T of apple cider and 2 T of vodka, reduce until mixed with the olive oil you sautéed with..
mix with 5 tablespoons of crushed red peppers
1/4 cup of honey
1 cup of cucumber
1 cup of diced mushrooms (raw)
1/3 cup of bacon bits
1/4 cup of candied ginger roots sliced
4 T of chopped garlic
make turnovers.....
use same dipping sauce as above and enjoy!
serve with...
1/2 gallon of white grape juice
1 bottle of pink champagne
1 pint of conace
4 cups of orange juice
twenty five steamer clams
snouts removed and dressed
in a oval pan arrange them.
3/4 cups of clarified butter
2 tablespoons of minced garlic
1/4 cup of minced parsley
1 teaspoon of lemon zest
1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
or 1 teaspoon of hot pepper sauce
1/4 teaspoon of horseradish
1/2 cup of deep fried Speck (diced fine)
1/2 of white wine
1 Tablespoon of crown royale
1 Tablespoon of lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon of toasted sesame seeds
3 tablespoons of parmesan cheese
1 shallot diced fine
Mix well chill in refrigerator for ten minutes
use a teaspoon and top clams
in the bottom of the pan pour 1/2 of heavy cream
1 tablespoon of fish stock and 1/3 cups of sliced mushrooms
and 1/4 cups of butter
(mix on top in a sauce pan if you are serving
with toast) make the sauce
before pouring under the clams
brown silepoons of bread crumbs in butter
top each stuffed clam with a sprinkle of Toasted crumbs
in a preheated oven
bake for fifteen minutes
serve hot!
the drink ( that'll learn 'em)
..........................................
4 cups of tomato juice
1/2 cup reserved clam juice
1/2 cup of lime juice
in a juicer
juice 1 celery stalk
1 lemon
1/2 cup of cashews
10 strawberries
1 seeded jalapeno pepper
1 cored apple
mix with tomato juice
2 cups of vodka
5 cups of extra dry gin
2 cups of white grape juice
I've heard that cantaloupes can't elope
It's against their moral code
And rhubarbs are NOT allowed to argue
I've heard that people sometimes turnip and pea
Not a very classy bunch I must say!
When you give somebody a raspberry it's very rude
Had another good one but it got squashed
Gourd won't let me make fun of his name
Grapes are not allowed to gripe
Bet you're not wild about figs... that figures
If you take a leek in a supermarket
Security will beet you on the melon
When the cashier picks up that yellow fruit
It's okay to say, “that's a nice pear you have there”
If you give a horseradish, they'll spit it back at you
I don't see what they've got to grape about
Okay that one was kinda corny
Cauliflowers are pretty in the spring
Lettuce entertain you
© Jack Ellison 2014
Yorkshire, 1914
I patch mended her copper saucepan,
Edged an axe, two cleavers and a knife.
I did all the jobs that were required.
By this comely young farmer’s wife.
She served me a platter of rare beef
With chunks of home baked bread,
And along each large slice of meat
Relish of horseradish was spread.
She served me there in her kitchen
Sat me at a large wooden bench
As I watched all around the room
A young and fine buxom a wench.
She slid on my knee quite suddenly
And I held her there in my arms.
For how could any young man
Refuse an offer of such charms
She kissed my mouth with a passion.
She kissed me with a lust and desire,
That set may pulses off racing
That set my whole body on fire.
I held her for all of that evening
And most of that coming night,
Enjoying the play of our passion
The pleasure and sheer delight.
She served me a farmhouse breakfast.
For which my whole body yearned.
Eggs and home slaughtered bacon
Bread, and butter near freshly churned
I held her once more in that kitchen
In thanks for the love we had made
Then out to follow my fortune,
A wandering Jack of all Trade.
I could hear Shires in the stable
That fine November’s morn
As I set off on my journey
Just at the crack of dawn.
I strode away quite briskly
Down that winding cart track,
My body so pleasantly sated,
Possessions slung over my back.
Oh how I so love this my freedom
To enjoy while there’s still chance
For I reckon it’ll soon be the recruiter
And a spell in the trenches of France.
Maybe this really happened.
I wonder did he survive
The carnage of that bitter war
To come back whole and alive.
Yorkshire 2022
P Pass over, O God of Israel, the houses of Israel on this night
E Egypt, unsuspecting even at midnight of what was to come
S Smite, God of Israel, every firstborn Egyptian male
A Anguished Cries from every Egyptian household
C Children of Israel hurriedly exit the land
H Hallelujah! Praise the Lord, God!
S Spill ten drops of wine, symbolic of the ten plagues which struck Egypt
E Eat matso* and maror** to recall 210 bitter years of slavery there
D Dayenu***-- It would have sufficed us to have merely left Egypt
E Elaborate in the telling the story of our going forth from Egypt
R Recline at the table, in the manner of free people, noblemen
Wishing one and all a Happy Passover / Easter Season!
__________________________________________________________
* Matso is poor bread: thin, cracker-like, tasteless
** Maror is bitter herb: Horseradish root or even romaine lettuce stalks
*** Dayenu, it would have sufficed us, even had we not crossed the Red Sea...had we not traveled to the foot of Mt. Sinai,...had we not received the Tablets of the Ten Commandments at Mt. Sinai,...had we not eventually come to and conquered the Land of Israel
.of lateritic soils
---------------------------------
steamed bread
4 cups of cooked rice
white rice
cooled
put into a food processer and blend smooth
add 2-21/2 cup of sifted flour
11/2 cups to21/2 cups of milk
1 egg 2 Tablespoons of sugar
3talbespoons of shortening
1 package of quick rising yeast
blend to create a ball in processor.
remove place in a bowl with a towel
let proof for about an hour
once the mixture has doubled in size flour a work surface and knead until elastic
roll into a square or rectangular shape measure
and cut form balls
in a muffin pan (oiled)
place three balls to one tin
cover again and allow to double in size
steam in a Bay-marie or steamer. or bake
serve with specail meat or enjoy by themselves.
-----------------------------------------------------------
4 pound beef belly
in a bowl mix salt pepper celery salt
onion powder,garlic powder,2/3 cup of
granulated brown sugar,1 teaspoon of cayenne
and 1 Tablespoon of McCormicks seasoning
mix and set aside
in a bowl mix
5 Tablespoons of mayo
2 Tablespoon of Vinegar
1/2 horseradish
1/4 cup of lemon juice
2 T of Worcestershire
3 Tablespoon of Crown Royal
mix well and cover beef
sprinkle the brown sugar mixture
in a pan place beef
3 sliced bell peppers
2 sliced onions
5 chopped carrots
1/4 chopped celery
1 halved garlic bulb
12 small potatoes
3 cups of water
cover with foil
and bake at 350 degrees for 2 hours or until tender
make gravy and serve with rice rolls
I want a freshly baked kaiser roll
Sliced in two with nice lean roast beef
Laid between so I can call it sandwich
Swiss cheese, tomato, Vidalia onion
(Sliced not chopped) with a dab of mayo
And horseradish sauce or hollandaise
Vinegar/salt chips and crisp dill pickle
I have no money or tummy only me
Alone with my empty ceramic center
Dangling on the rail of a high rise complex
Waiting for a breeze to push me on or off
I am a pretty pink vase so have mercy on me
No ferns or flowers inside for company
I am hungry for something good to eat
Curios but mostly epicurious in nature
Give me a sandwich for free as a favor
Perhaps I can pay you back on Tuesday
I can wish for something different
Vases have dreams too to fill the hollow
she asked for a great thyme
a day for festvel and enjoyment
a day to marvel in the creativity
of love
and day for people to come together and celebrate the need
to love
she made beautiful drinks of
cucumber jucies and apple jucies
with strawberry jucies and kiwi jucies.
she favored a suttle flavor a mild wild
but tamed flavor
for a meat offering
so she flavored a pork roast with
rosemary, garlic, onions, yogurt, thyme
and the gameyness and wildness of a goat.
she created pocket with in the roast
to hold the flavor of the pork.
this was roasted for twelve hours to create a moist wild
smokey flavor
that which with sauce would be admired
and loved.
her pies were to be of mixture
never allowing a single flavor
to out speak a double flavored mixture.
she combined butternut squash and sweet potato,
with cream, and goats milk and butter sugar and honey
cloves and cinnamon and a little sugar and
vanilla and almond extracts
to create a flavor which those who loved
togetherness could speak to and speak about in past tense.
apples and figs were liquered to
develop a flavor then to roasted and
suagered and sprinkled with cinnamon to
make pies
that the lovers of the world would wish for.
the doughs were sweetened and
fattened by sugar and shortening.
some where cooked as pies and turnovers.
sweet prefections to admire and adore.
the beef's were slowed roasted
to collect the savory juices
that were to be gravy for yucca roots and potatoes
a rich saucey gravy that was stout and bold, beefy
and brash.
rich with the goodness of
rosemary and thyme
garlic and onions, some graveys were
extended with richness
by horseradish
and some were the drippings of chicken and turkey and even the precious gameyness of the lamb.
oh the lamb, which rosemary's' thyme and bay leaves garlic and onions and ginger were sauced with
wines for flavoring and
and were cooked as pies and turnovers.
it she gitt she dew whoop
greasy clappin sweet
shine
kissing in moonlight nights
lovers whisketyed
sleepy
wake up and grind that
dinkie dew
what i'm gonna say to you
in the morning?
Hand on the leather,
I held on for the bell,
Sure it was a winner.
I was riding so well,
But then the bull threw me;
Introduced me to the dirt.
Hell, I only broke my shoulder, mama,
How bad can it hurt?
No, I’m not sleeping.
I’m just resting my eyes.
Got that last nail hammered
Though it took me twelve tries.
It took me one dozen
‘cause I wasn’t too alert.
But I still got one good thumb, so mama,
How bad can it hurt?
Pass me the garlic salt,
The horseradish, too.
Need more habañero
In this hot pepper stew.
I’ll have the rock candy
Flaming brandy for dessert.
Don’t you worry ‘bout my ulcer, mama,
How bad can it hurt?
Walked into The Penny,
I was feelin’ all right.
Hadn’t drunk my first
Before I got in a fight.
I caught the backcountry
Sucker punch he slyly threw.
I only let him punch me once, and mama,
That didn’t hurt, too.
I know a woman
Who’s at war with the world.
Tell her that she’s cute,
It’s like the gauntlet’s been hurled.
She uses brass knuckles,
Straps, and buckles when she flirts.
Likes to kick me when I’m down, but mama,
How bad can it hurt?
Paint me a picture, darlin’,
Show me a sign.
Are ya really leavin’ me,
Or are ya still mine?
Ya got some hot bacon
Shakin’ underneath your skirt.
I’m gonna miss you when you go, but mama,
How bad can it hurt?