Long Grin and bear it Poems
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Deep at heart Tim is a dreamer and longs for 'that' dream
And still and in certain arrest he is a child of gone times
His parents Hans and Ida had told him in misleading terms
‘You can do anything you want. . .’
They meant he’s bright and energetic even perfect and
While they had been kind and full of encouragement
The died long before he would abandon that prison
‘We fought the war and you must be free’
A pragmatist full of rational shackles dead to the core
He ponders for meaning caught up in emotional files
Sits under a canopy of figs and waits for the Buddha
‘I see a forest but where is the tree’
‘They’ say that the path is destination its very own aim
The road arduous and tricky and full of obstacle’s way
Sisyphus’ boulder could encroach the slope of the cliff face
‘Let it go but the harvest needs tilling’
Contradictions keep contravening mindful anticipation
Opposites obscure the harmony of synthesized bliss
Subconscious shadows loom in archetypal struggles
‘The conquest fights the lonely survivor’
Tim forfeits his axes to grind and carves his own shell
Forges gun into ploughshares and picks up a flower
Confuses meditation with mediation and forces the mould
‘Leviathan did not levitate he fell on his sword’
Every now and then he can feel the wind of his change
It might carry him to a rainbow and the Source of it all
Yet while knowledge bodes well it is futile without action
‘His fugue eludes the flute of sweet fruit’
He cannot sit still for he is a doer constrained by performance
But the dog on his shoulders resembles a poodle in a circus
A puppet on strings of comical drama a Pavlovian canine
‘Grin and bear it but do not stay idle’
Unleashed by the fangs of Odysseus Tim travels his underworld
Face down belly up he reaches for breath in a bubble of light
Tears at smears and disguise of a mask larger than Venice
‘All water reaches the ocean’
There are bridges and channels and at long last a pier onto
Which he drags his weatherworn body his mind and his soul
Someone left a message draped in simplicity on the pontoon
‘The sole purpose is living one step at a time’
12th February 2019
God, I’m scared
Scared to be alone
I’ve lost so much
Lost my light
Now I’m alone in the dark
So alone.
My friends try to reach me
I’ve fallen too far,
Still trying to stand tall,
But I’m crippled, broken, and bleeding now.
Everything I see is salt in the wounds,
Writhing in pain, all alone in my private hell.
“I’m dying inside and nobody knows it but me.”
Only that’s not the case, everyone knows.
No matter how hard I try to hide in the dark,
No solace,
No protection in the dark,
In the cold,
So blind I can’t find myself.
Pain overwhelms feelings of other things.
“Without you, I’m not me”,
And that’s exactly the case,
Smile in the face of death, my welcomed visitor.
Blind, deaf, and dumb
All I can do is inflict pain.
I hate myself for what I’ve said, and done.
Love is absent from my life
Yet it consumes all.
The absence filled only when I’m touched
And that’s something I’ve missed for months,
Smile, grin and bear it,
Not working.
They see through my shallow smile
It hurts them to see me, when I can’t see them.
In booze I’ve tried to drown the feeling,
But it’s magnified through the liquid.
I feel so stupid,
I want out.
I can’t leave, as much as I hate this place,
I’m drawn to it, stuck.
Drawn like a moth to a flame,
But perpetually burned by it,
Forever night, forever dark, forever cold,
At least that’s how it feels.
Time doesn’t heal, it steals from me
My breath and blood, joy and love,
Gives me in return, pain,
Enough to bathe in
I’ve tried to bleed,
The blood brings no relief,
I do feel human, and that’s the problem.
My bliss is gone, and has left me with no malice,
No hate,
And no desire for revenge,
These things I am without,
Though I’ve sought them.
Passion, in all of its forms, is gone,
And has left me alone with my agony.
Perfection for me lies in a place were the light lives,
In the smile of another
No one sees, I can’t fix me
Broken before, re-broke now,
Shattered beyond the skills of those I know.
Too broken to fix,
Except by one, who is not ready to be there
Love is the problem, and the solution
Pain is love and love is pain.
Despite the cold,
In the darkness,
I am prepared to wait,
Weather the storm.
I just hope I survive the night.
I am more aware than the average person
that your business revolves around giving everybody bad credit
even if you can afford the 900 dollar phone bills
for not using your phone
they will get their outrageous monies owed
or its bad credit for you
What an amazing way to bring down a whole society
i always thought it was an interesting weapon
considering the drug dealers using them
are the only ones able to afford such high bills
Con the youth to purchase one of your plans
a payment method that sounds doable
then your blown right out of the water
money you dont think you owe
well pay it or get bad credit for 7 years
what a bold weapon upon society you have
taking the nation down
almost single handedly
And your customers complain
gripe and groan
grin and bear it
but this has gone on too far
your cell phone scam is a weapon
and you are destroying people with your lies
everyother person in the world has bad credit because of you telus
how friendly is that?
i have yet to meet one person
that hasn't gone to buy your product
and then spend 7 years of their life with their bad credit trying to pay you off
Taking down a society by contracts
contracts where you lie
my bill should be 45 dollars a month
i'm lucky if im not paying 225
bad credit for 14 years telus
i know im just a number to you
but if you are soo friendly as you say you are
we are gonna get close my friend
I have soo many issues with your bogus company
you are a weapon telus
and you just destroy everyone in your path
7 years bad luck for signing up with your contract
then 7 more years after that
you have turned my entire life into a prison sentence
and there is no way out of it
no point in paying my bill
you would just lie about that
the money would get lost in the mail
or you would cut me off
If i had it my way
I'd go find the telephone pole i bought unknowingly
and cut it down and take it back
with bad credit you can't go anywhere
and it's really hard to find a place to rent
i was homeless because of a telus bill
so drop your friendliness act
i know an enemy when i encounter one
and i have no time for someone who call sthemselves a friend
and treats me like crap
Throughout the years of bars and fences, several things kept me from falling
My Faith in God, My Mom, My Writing...and, that Freedom Was Always Calling
The nightmare started in "93", shipped off to do a second bid
I knew my mother was hurting deeply from all of the pain her silence hid
Downstate was another dagger, the lonely days, the nights, the "Draft"
In times of peace the seagulls shrieking...and, I could have sworn at me they laughed
Then came Green Haven/the pain continued; those forty months in just a cell
Abundant vermin, to live determined...where most Co's were scarred as well
College courses would keep me focused, mixing with others who sought degrees
To be well rounded my reading varied from Og Mandino to Sophocles
All was good, then times grew darker, by "95" my health had waned
Some forsook me while others wondered how my Trust in God remained
On bended knees I prayed this daily..."Not my will be done, but thine"
Then I was showed One set of "Footprints" which I knew could not be mine
Deliverance came, yes things got better; I thought my sorrows were finally gone
Until I left to live in Fishkill, which in truth was Matteawan
Intellectually I was their equal, they had no choice, but to grin and bear it
For, I knew their books, their words, their history...and many things deemed esoteric
Bogus tickets, the box, harassment, they thought I'd fold from all the stress
Still, what would I be if I didn't suffer?...a spineless man who acquiesced
People have asked me how I survived it, a prison life sometimes appalling
I inhaled deeply, and finally told them...That Freedom Was Always Calling
Freedom Was Always Calling by Poetiq1der aka Don Simmons
I'm jabbed at my side with plummet and jab, and yet I must grin and bear it,
I'm abhorrent with scorn for those who must mourn, but then I indifferently swear
it.
Pathos and play this is the new way to read past a cover,
But to sured dismay this supposed display is nothing but a buffer.
Acceptance in many, a noble pursuit but is it worh scrupulous losses,
For every companion is lost in a canyon of lacerated crosses,
For sin and lamehnt are the only avail when deceit is a popular practice,
Honor and grace can prove ugly in taste for those who apparently lack this,
Jest in the cruel and pain in the righteous seem to be the new standard,
So why not be masses with sections and classes and measures of Lucre as
spirit,
The reason is subtle it's muffled in evil, but one can still hear it beating,
Through hunger and death, bloodshed and stress that seems to incumbent the
streets,
The beat of one's own heart, it has all the answers to questions regarding the
spirit,
It's written in code for angels and God so only who listen will hear it,
To the sainted listerners, it's an astute obligation, to grin and bear the malice tht
the deaf hearts do commit,
For at one time or another, we have done unto our brother in a contradictory
fashion that what he would have us do,
So we have to keep on sinning and never cease our grinning, when we really
want to burst into a burning flame of hate,
For others haven't heard the news, that not to be true to yourself is to lose,
So priviledged few, that have a clue, will simply have to wait.
The summer has long since faded
The sky seems eternally grey,
A white carpet laid down on the landscape clearing the green grass away.
The house is chilly this morning,
Out to the woodbox I go
When suddenly I realize,
The Mercury's hit forty below!
Trees have started to splinter,
cracking like lightning in the air
And if you've never heard it,
It's sure to give you a scare!
Like gunshots in a war zone
they crack and explode on key,
and leave shards of broken and shattered wood
Where once there was a tree.
The lakes have now frozen over,
my swimming hole now sports an ice hut,
cause the fishing just got a lot better,
Through the 8 inch auger hole that I've cut.
I can see the fish swimming beneath me,
I try tempting him with my bait;
as he swims to the hook to take a quick look,
One jerk, and I've sealed his fate.
He fights and he bites and he dances,
trying to shake the hook with all of his might
but I've set it so well, it's easy to tell
That It's all over except for the fight.
Supper time is nearing, my fresh trout is on to eat,
The woodstoves working overtime,
Warming up my feet.
After dinner a warm bath and a movie,
A few more inches of snow has amassed,
but on a little lighter note,
One more day of winter's now passed.
Winter's not as bad as it seems.
Some look at it with a vile detest.
In the north we grin and bear it,
In my stories I share it,
and of each day we just make the best…
Hidden Hurt
Awake in my bedroom,rigid with fear
The man i call Lover is coming so near
No sweet gentle touch is waiting for me
But the vile look of anger is all i can see.
What did i do wrong? Screams loud in my head
Was it somthing i did or somthing i said?
The blood pulses hotly inside my ears
The sweat rises sharply alerting my fears
I smile at him calmly,though its all a front
He twists up my face and recieve my first thump.
The fist keeps on coming again and again
I beg to myself to keep strong,feel no pain
But the pain overtakes and my head begins spinning
He's kicking and biting, no end, no beginning
A knife he gets out and holds up to my throat
And then i drift out, taken away by a boat
to a beautiful place in my dreams; i presume
Im no longer there in that terrible room.
A part of my mind has saved me for now
I cant know the reason, i can't tell you how
While my body was going through tortuous hell
My heart and my soul were keot safe and well.
The beating has stopped and he looks at me crying
I say its alright but we both know im lying
He says that he's sorry, that i made him do it
My eyes dead and hollow, i just agree to it
Too weak to object, self respect in the dirt
I just grin and bear it
My deep hidden hurt.
Form:
We all have so many decisions in this world we must make
But none of them, could ever cause such eternal heartache
None of them will ever push your soul so far away
Then the day that you delete your own Child's birthday
I like the color blue and maybe you like red
But this is a matter of what the Creator Himself has said
And if you choose to trample on such hollow ground
Then wonder not why with all other such evil you have found
So worldly easy to relegate it to a choice
For you have never even heard that little baby's voice
Remember the other side and allow it speak to you
For satan has always lied and here you are giving him his due
Such a valuable prize stealing your soul in this way
Choosing not to see his wicked lies but you will one day
Oh trust me children are so very hard to raise
But that is just one more way that I can give God praise
Please reach out at this time for the Lord's Hand
He will give you the strength in helping you to understand
For the Lord understands knowing this won't be easy for you
But in God's all complete wisdom, He picked You!
Deuteronomy 30:19
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you,
that I have sat before you life and death, blessing and cursing:
therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:
Today I have just heard I had lost my oldest Brother
I was told he had died in prison
To me he died more than a year ago
He had caused me more grief than he would ever know
Leaving upset and pain
Causing even me! blame
Since finding out what he had done to others
I had found no good thoughts for him! “My Brother”
Sorry Father and Mother
And for all the others
I want no sympathy for our loss
We will grin and bear it at our cost
For how can I tell anyone how we feel
When mixed up! I don’t really want to know what is real
He deserve not our sympathy
From his Sisters or Brothers
Our sympathy should be saved
For his Children, family and his victims of others
He has left us feeling guilty of all our feelings
But we have every right
To all of their meanings
He has done us all wrong
And don’t let us forget it
I am sad that we can’t just let it
Our memory with him is now tarnished for ever
With the evil and harm
That he had done
I now wish for peace and calm
Wash away my Brother sins
Not for him but for us
We must leave them that we must
Wash our feeling in his dust
He is gone now
All we cuss
We must carry on now
That we must
Building our memories that we can trust
For the good of the children and all of us.
Eric100b
Awake in my bedroom, rigid with fear
The man I call lover is coming so near
No sweet gentle touch is waiting for me
But the vile look of anger is all i can see.
What did I do wrong? Screams loud in my head
Was it something I did or something I said?
The blood pulses hotly inside my ears
The sweat rises sharply alerting my fears
I smile at him calmly though it's all a front
He twists up my face and I feel the first thump.
The fists keep on coming again and again
I beg to myself to keep strong, feel no pain
But the pain overtakes, my head is just spinning
He's kicking and biting no end no beginning
A knife he gets out and holds up to my throat
And then I drift out taken away in a boat
to a beautiful place in my in my dreams I presume,
I'm no longer there in that terrible room.
A part of my mind has saved me for now
I don't know the reason, I can't tell you how
While my body was going through torturous hell
My heart and soul were kept safe and well
The beating has stopped and he looks at me crying
I say it's alright but we both know I'm lying
He says that he's sorry, that I made him do it
My eyes dead and hollow I just agree to it
Too weak to object, self respect in the dirt
Just grin and bear it
My deep hidden hurt.