Long Focus on Poems
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I will sometimes be asked how it came about
that my children have one set of grandparents,
and I know just what you are thinking now,
but hear me out, an all of this will make sense.
I’m explaining this for one final time
to put all these blasted rumors to rest,
the odd position my family is in
did not come about due to incest!
It began when I, Armond Carruthers,
fell in love with a beautiful girl.
Her name is Denise, and she is my light
in this crazy and much-confused world.
See the two of us were high school sweethearts,
been together since our junior year,
managed to build something that could outlast
the blind passion of our teenage years.
But during our freshman year of college
we decided that we couldn’t wait,
maybe we were just a pair of young fools,
but we went ahead and set the date.
Now this is the point the story gets strange,
both of us were raised by one parent alone,
my father died in a car accident
when I was six, mom raised me on her own.
Denise’s mother was out of her life,
she cheated on her dad when Denise was four,
her father George did all the upbringing,
he gave her all of his hear and then more.
We were just nineteen when we got engaged,
her dad George was a fit forty-one,
my mother, Kristen, was just thirty-nine,
wanted to do something nice for her son.
She was us to focus on our studies,
and would gladly help plan the wedding,
that she and George would make things run smoothly,
we both thanked her, and let them do their thing.
They both must have seen something they liked,
though neither one of us realized it then,
they kept meeting up to ‘plan the wedding’
again...and again...and again…
All this time we just thought it was nice
that these future in-laws were getting along,
figured it would make holidays easy,
you can say we both read that one wrong.
Of course they did not tell us all this,
and the wedding was done in fine style,
neither realizing that for two months now
my mother knew that she was with child…
When three months later it became obvious,
both our parents sheepishly let us know,
to say we were stunned does not describe it,
but later to the courthouse we did go.
And as if this surprise wasn’t enough,
when my mind struggled to make some sense,
I received even more life-changing news,
my Denise was also now pregnant…
CONCLUDES IN PART II.
We have a tendency to focus on our flaws, despite it being what makes us human; what we despise is what one desires, and what we desire is what someone despises.
I felt this way for years; I still do- the perpetuous feeling that I’m horrendous.
When I look in my mirror, I don’t see my full lips, my long lashes, or my hourglass; I see my short legs, protruding stomach, and my eyebags.
Yet people with those flaws are beautiful- so why am I not?
The answer is that I am; I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I’m not horrendous- I simply haven’t been able to process my worth yet.
It seems that each passing year, I reflect on myself, making those negative remarks, rendering myself as unattractive.
Though, next year, I’ll look back on myself and realize how gorgeous I truly was; though it’s not that simple to prevent those negative feelings from pursuing.
Does beauty even exist, though?
It’s repeatedly changed over time, and it’s quite subjective, which has caused me to believe that true beauty doesn’t exist; it’s simply a perception.
I shouldn’t waste my time trying to ease the perceptions of others; I should follow my own, because short legs, protruding stomachs, and eyebags are beautiful; they’re only viewed in a negative way because society itself is ugly.
If I abide by every standard of others, I’ll only feel regret, for my happiness shall pulverize.
If I create myself to be someone who is healthy and who I love, my happiness shall thrive.
Though these insecurities will persist, even with the most attractive individuals- they’ll always haunt you, whether or not you believe in yourself.
So I dissected myself.
…
Carving every inch of me until my insides are out; but when I do so, my organs look the same as everyone else’s.
Bathing in perplexion until I realized; we’re all the same on the inside- and as I try to stuff my organs back inside of me, I remember what people say-
See, I’ve been told before, just like anyone else, that I’m ugly.
People take advantage of others' sensitivity in order to ease their insecurities; but they’re morons who don’t know what they’re talking about.
They try ridding of their “flaws” by projecting it on others, though those rigid thoughts will always remain inside.
But truth be told, we all have the same interior- and..
You’ll truly be happy if you stop caring about the perceptions of others.
10/10/2019
I tried to write today, but I couldn’t manage it.
You see, there’s a speck of dirt stuck to the paper.
I tried not to let it get to me, but to no avail,
And had already begun trying to get it off.
Scratching at it was no use, I couldn’t get under the thing.
And washing a paper would defeat the purpose.
It seemed impossible to pry off.
I can’t live with it in my sight, yet can’t throw it away.
I’ll have to take my mind off it somehow,
So I can rest easy tonight.
Just the thought of it will haunt me.
Tomorrow I can write again.
10/11/2019
I got another piece of paper today,
And had managed to get the speck out of my head,
Just long enough to get some thoughts out.
But something else is bothering me.
Now that I think about it, I can’t stop myself.
All the abnormalities of the patterns on the wall,
The crumbs on the desk,
Even the nearly invisible creases in this paper.
I need to get out a bit more,
There’s no way I can function like this.
I can talk more when I’ve dealt with this,
But for now this is all I can think about.
10/12/2019
I couldn’t go to sleep last night.
I had turned on the fan in my room,
But its spinning motion had fascinated me.
The quink motion blurs it together,
But if you focus on a single blade, following it,
It starts to become clear.
After a while I decided to get up.
There was nothing to do, but anything was better
Then staring at the cursed fan.
I found a rubber wall stick toy, molded into the shape of a dragon.
My brother probably got it from a teacher.
After spending the rest of the night trying to keep the wings apart,
I passed out.
10/13/2019
I can’t stay in this house,
The abundance of dust has only become more clear.
My brain won’t rest and I’m seeing things I haven’t before.
The edges of my nails that are begging to be cut,
The imperfections in the palms of my hands,
The papers not all in a straight pile,
The lines of my handwriting inhabiting them,
The dust scattered over the tables,
And the finger marks breaking the unity.
My head is spinning
And I can’t make it stop.
Round and round the ceiling goes.
10/14/2019
Ah, the beauty of sleep medicine.
I finally had a good night’s rest,
And I think I have an idea on what to write about.
Until next time, Journal.
And please, deal with the erase marks,
I need a break.
-Connor Lotts
Perche Sono Me IV (Fire)
It’s been a long time since I have told anyone why I was myself and why I am me. It was long ago that I dictated three prose poems on this matter. The same questions have come up; newer ones add to my plight. I am single because I will not settle for anyone who only fulfills the needs of my loins. I prefer a person that arouses my intellect and respect for her. The people I have met only meet one of those criteria, except one meeting two of the three. Still, to get all three is a challenge. Even getting two of the three is a challenge.
Why are you Single?
I am myself because of the pain I have endured by many who have claimed to want of me while they were giving a kiss of deceit. Playing with anyone's emotions is an unethical crime that haunts the perpetrator later in life. Several females who claim to know what they want are falling and feeling the pain they deserve for what they wanted was not deserved or earned. If you are stupid enough to want a bridge and house built for you without contributing to the production, then do not expect to have them when the man has built them. Of course, an unethical man will claim to have these until you are trapped and left out in the trash. Do not expect the good man to take you in, as you are not recyclable. When you give up on wanting a respectable man, you give up on being respectable to yourself. Your pain and the pain of your children were caused by you pursuing the pleasure of your false beliefs. One of them believed that she wanted a person of her faith. He could not commit to the person of free milk. He used her for five years. HARK to her for showing disrespect to herself and her daughter. Now, she is with someone who cares about how they treat her. Putting aerosol on excrement does not make a candle's scent flow in the breeze.
What type of partner do you want to marry?
Education is vital to me as I have seen many go to school only to find a mate or find a person to mate with. It is pretty disturbing that the goal is procreation and recreation. It is wiser to find someone who matches the qualities of a good girlfriend or wife if they meet the higher qualities. If you want a good friend, find someone with the qualities of a good girlfriend. If you want a good girlfriend, find someone who would make a good wife. If you want a good wife, then focus on these two aspects.
love the grey in a lazy day bridge the gap in my dreams through twisted schemes
filter through the notion of belonging mark the longing get a following
we are in this til the end my faithful friend with whom I can depend
inside I have rollercoaster emotions with the ups & downs
take a walk on the beach try to catch that frisbee way out of reach
love the longing of belonging there's a yearning hearts are turning
take a shower in the hour of power nestled in a memory come to sit next to me
Each man chooses their own destiny call it magical chemistry from when you were a memory
Rise to the occasion with soaring hearts as in some decorated mast to impart
love is basking in the jewels of renewal carry on with a song in your heart
love is the mere tenderness of the given moment from a sought after vintage smile
comfort me to the conclaves of lasting love soon you will discover a heart to unfold
many are living in mere fantasy basking in the leaves or newly fallen snow
hearts would unfold some time a go the notion of surrender
Come with me to the sea of tranquility lost in a dream feel the breeze
Tea leaves with Leonard Cohen singing basking in the vast expanse between time & space
Surrender to the moment with cadence as its following and deep heart belonging
the tender moments of belonging soaring like an eagles to parts unknown
Caress the bossom of softened decorum as we choose to be healed
the day is fast approaching and the night is far too spent
to quiver in the moment let the temporal vanish capture the longing
I sit alone above to dew left to groom a brand new view in what is left to do
give me a smile your support and your fantasies let them flourish let them unfold
Hear each passing wave rise to the occasion with the real remnants of nature
To equate laughter with forgiveness give pause to think being in the moment
one touch and one will rise with triumph in their eyes
The ability to let go and let God take over feelings to recapture prepared for the great here after...
arm me with harmony filtered through a dream give pause to breathe
Achieve your dreams to light the way of forgiveness the mere wanting to let go
Be compassionate when you learn to focus on your goals in which to unfold
like Stevie Wonder singing at your funeral learn role reversal
Choose to let go & let God each & every passing day
I slash with my sword and I push with my shoulder. Every muscle and every tendon is screaming in agony. I can feel every pressure when my blade makes contact. I’m grunting with passion as I push every extremity to the very breaking point. I let my mind wonder to the past, where my family was butchered and mutilated when I was 10 years old. I lost everything I loved and anything that mattered to me, but my passion. Revenge echoes in my mind over and over, like the rumbling of thunder in the summer storms when they pass. Revenge against those who could do the things I’ve seen, beasts that slaughtered my whole family. I have spent years here, learning the warrior’s way, feeling the grunge and toils from everyday training.
My sword is now a part of my body, so swift and true. I can draw it sharply and silent to bring it up my enemy. I spin my body and crouch down low, dodging my enemy and thrusting my sword into his chest. My body has become one single weapon for me to use. My mind is sharp and ready for the challenges of all those who oppose me. I will fight for honor and what is right and damnation to those who are evil and selfish. In the distance a voice echoes in my ears, “Piiid!” “Pid!” This sound grows louder as I strain my muscles and sharpen my skills. “PIIIDDD!!!” “HAULT!” and then I realize that master Baracus has been calling me. Turning around, I see Baracus standing there with a puzzled look on his face. He is a tall elder man with a chiseled chin and scars across both cheeks. His skin tone is deep red from the Sun’s scorching heat of the day. His balding head has traces of white hair around each side and the tunic of a trainer is all black with gold trim. His deep blue eyes gaze upon me in frustration, “You must focus on all things around you Pid, you will leave yourself open to attack without it”.
Baracus turns to walk towards the shelter as he mumbles various curses at me. “You young bucks have no attention and focus” as he slowly walks to sit down. “I was focused on my training you old goat” I persist. As we both sit down, he makes his brittle response, “Damn young blood makes poor fertilizer for our fields” as we both bellow with laughter. He is my mentor and trainer, but most of all he took me in and called me his son. He has trained me in the way of the warrior and what it means to be honorable and noble.
FOCUS ON OUR FAMILIES
The devil is quite busy in most families today,
Though most of us don’t realize the roles that he will play.
He keeps the parents busy with jobs and on the run,
He keeps the children active with all sorts of worldly fun.
He keeps the bankbook busy with things to buy or bills,
He keeps the schedule full of so many worldly thrills.
The social life he offers with the parties or the drinks
Appeals to many people; it’s so much fun, they think.
He keeps the spirit busy with no time for the Lord,
The more that he stays active, the more is his reward.
He fills us with excuses, which we often think are good
Why we can’t be committed and serve God as we should.
He builds in us a spirit that’s critical to be,
And so we look at others and our own faults we don’t see.
He keeps our lives so active with all his sights and sounds
So that when God might need us, we just can’t be around.
He tries his best to keep us so centered on our self
That far too many hours our Bible’s on the shelf.
He lets us spend our money on things we think we need--
A tithe? We can’t afford it! An offering? No, indeed!
And he’s redefined the marriage in many different ways,
It’s now for “live together” and even for the gays.
The parents and the children just don’t communicate,
Instead it is the TV, the CD, or the tape.
And then there are computers or Nintendo games to play,
Or magazines or books to read to fill the time today.
The young folks are rebellious, defying Godly laws,
But don’t you dare to spank them, regardless of the cause!
Keep God out of the schools, the church separate from state,
And don’t speak out on morals which someone violates.
We could go on much longer with all the devil’s schemes,
And as the days keep going, there are new ones, so it seems.
The vision of the family is so obscured and blurred
That we need it corrected through the message from God’s word.
So let’s focus on our families and how to make them strong,
To reinforce commitments, to overcome our wrongs.
For God first made the family, and He has a perfect plan,
So let’s listen to the messages that come now through His man.
They come straight from the Bible, God’s word, tested and true,
Let’s let them clear our vision, and our families renew!
Written for “Focus On Your Family Month,” Heritage Baptist Church, January, 2000.
as wars are waged in our homelands we sit out here gettin education for our
own future,
thinkin of ourselves, we forget about the whole purpose of our mission to
America,
we capture the American culture and forget our own,
we show gang signs and skip school instead of learning what we came to learn,
we act as if this was our own country, when we know we’ve only been here for
few years,
we act as if we know everything and don’t need school, when school was the
whole reason for being here,
we start fights at school, when part of the reason we were here was to get out of
violence,
we get on welfare and cheat the system instead of gettin a job,
we leave home telling parents we’re going to be doctors and get to school acting
gangsters,
we talk about making differences in other’s lives when we’re the ones that need
to change first,
we say we are discriminated against, knowing that it’s our own people
discriminating against us,
we watch our people suffer in our homeland on television and shed a little bit of
tears to make ourselves feel better and talk about different subject as soon as
it’s over,
we are cared for, more than we care about ourselves and each other,
when something occurs in a country where we benefit from, we focus on that
country till everything is situated,
but if it occurs in our homeland where no benefit comes from, we turn our cheeks
and ignore it as if it never happened,
we are convinced to believe what we see on television,
we talk about freedom, opportunity, and justice but really when the number one
thing that matters the most is money,
money is not only used but also worshiped due to the fact that you can buy out
laws,
how could there be an equal opportunity when only the rich get richer off the poor
and the poor are left to survive on what they can and then thrown in jail for trying
to stay alive,
we watch the news to only see the negativity of our surroundings,
we talk about the future of our next generations but disrespect them about their
knowledge,
we call our country “United States of America,” while we terrorize one another,
where is the unity in that?
how can we unite when we think so far apart?
how can we make a difference without changing oneself?
what makes us who were are, also makes us an enemy,
who do you think is “we” when I say we
Form:
First of all I wish to share my personal experience about my career.
Actually I am working as an educator. After my training, I found a job in one of the reputed colleges. I started working in this industry because one of my aunts worked in this industry. In her point of view, this is a very good field for youngsters to do interesting and satisfying work. Sharing what we know to others is one of the satisfying and godly things we can do to our society. This is why I chose to apply for this.
Now let’s come to the topic. As we all know, 20-30 years ago, Education was based only on teachers, libraries and books. People used to sit for hours in the library looking for the books related to their assignment works or research paper. But nowadays, everything and everyone is connected through Internet. Now we can complete the same work within a minute by surfing through the websites.
One of the great writers, ‘Ernest Agyemang Yeboah’ said - “What shapes the best in us dies when the best education dies! The best in us shall always be undermined when those that are responsible for shaping the best in us are always undermined!”
Whatever may be the skills, surely those skills will help the child later in it’s life to achieve something great.
Here we list some of the important skills which every child needs to incorporate.
Build concentration and self-discipline
Keeping yourself focused on one thing is really important, especially for students. Children grow according to some common schedules, habits, and routines only when their parents teach them. This will also help them learn control and focus on one particular thing.
Communication
It is important to develop interaction and communication between the children in everyday life and exchange ideas to develop their healthy, social and emotional skills. They should understand what to communicate and share with others. Sometimes they will need their parent’s help regarding how to share it most effectively.
Include reading habits
As we all know, reading is the best way to connect with yourself and with the world out there. As they improve their reading habit, they will be aware of words, particular situations, emotions or stories.
d respond to them, and help to solve their questions or confusions.
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It is of the essence.
Time; it is very precious.
The past affects the future but for now let's focus on the present.
Tense, like the feeling you get when you can't breathe.
Mind, body and soul supposed to be one,
but each is moving at its own speed.
Now it's time to re-evaluate.
To sit and to self reflect.
"Like have you been giving yourself all the love you deserve or are you still in debt?
And the love you receive is it truth?
And the love you receive is it fair?
Is the love you receive built on honesty?
A pure heart that truly loves and cares?"
"And what is it that you have to offer this world,
that you bury so deep inside?
The talents and gifts you've been blessed with, yet always seem to hide.
Is it fear of rejection?
Is it fear of being turned down?
Is it fear of not being good enough?
Is that why your voice never makes a sound?'
Almost like a game of chess.
Each move is well planned and thought out,
but have you ever stopped to think that maybe that's why some things fall out.
So detailed and designed.
Instructed in every way.
Two players, both determined but still only one wins the game.
Patience.
Many of us have some to give but never offer.
Life treats us the same way with ups and downs like a ride on a teeter-totter.
Only to knock one down and in the same breath pick them back up.
But life and time have that in common, it teaches one how to get tough.
Trying to Xscape soft cries and lonely nights.
Singing "Who can I run to?"
Not realizing that the answer is within you.
Do you know who you belong to?
Has anyone ever taught you who you are?
Did you know that you are sons and daughters of the most infinite star?
Made in the image of God who watches over thee.
Your worth goes beyond that of a diamond and of any fancy jewelry.
Your body is a sanctuary.
Your mind, a nugget of gold.
Your soul is your everything,
that not everyone deserves to hold.
Blessings they surround you.
Heaven is forever in your reach.
Self love and self respect are the ways in which you teach..
Teach those around you how to approach.
Teach them not to move on infatuation and not to engross.
Your energy;
It is sacred, always something to hold close.
"Do you know who you are?"
"Do you know who you belong to?"
I hope you find your worth,
and may God continue to guide you.
Form: