Long Disturbing Poems
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Descending,
I manipulate and manoeuvre for the updraft
Spluttering,
I spiral down, then briefly up again, to glimpse a glowing sky
Flapping,
I fall forever faster, flat-eagled
Plunging,
I watch the unwelcome gloom envelope my horizon
Tumbling,
I twist, turn and turbulate, ... then the thudding thump
Gasping,
I groan and exhale, a noiseless moan
Curling,
I recoil as innards become outward form
Emerging,
a base inside-out creature crawls and creeps
Tasting,
the tongue-tied intestines and the unseeing socket eyes
Groping,
a gruesome grub befriends the worm and slurps the slug-slime
Engorging,
as flaunted members flail blood and flick licky, sticky fluid
Reforming,
dim visions populate carnal shapes with awful movement
Gaping,
a fearful half-formed and startled face averts its gaze
Residing,
in deep gutter niches... these are my companion dwellers
Wallowing,
I sniff a redolent upswell of dank fissured earth
Disturbing,
I scrape, cleave and wipe away a smear of covering soil
Trembling,
I sense a warmth of body, a stretching of exotic wings
Enquiring,
I mutter clumsy overtures and crude enticements
Retreating,
I hear unmistaken rebuke and a sigh of disappointment
Imploring,
I elevate my utterances and seek a further hearing
Caressing,
I feel a welcoming and forgiving response
Pulsing,
the creature's cocoon gives way to nebulous female form
Ascending,
at first a cherub woman smiles playfully down on me
Transforming,
a stimulating and sensuous siren cavorts and teases
Uplifting,
wings gather me in for a swooping flight of fancy
Revealing,
from above, her intimate view of dwellers in the hinterland
Coaxing,
she fills me now with empathy and understanding
Alighting,
my body-mind lies prone beneath her
Tingling,
I feel her form and thoughts slowly enter and encompass me
Exploring,
I arouse and we gently probe between lips and sphincter
Delving,
I follow our rhythm of kiss, taste, touch and thrust
Wandering,
I experience our ambiguous male and female desire
Playing,
I laugh at how we tickle our innocence and sophistication
Loving,
I know for delirious moments what it is to be another
Consumed,
lost in coexistence with a like- but more extraordinary- mind
Perche Sono Me IV (Fire)
It’s been a long time since I have told anyone why I was myself and why I am me. It was long ago that I dictated three prose poems on this matter. The same questions have come up; newer ones add to my plight. I am single because I will not settle for anyone who only fulfills the needs of my loins. I prefer a person that arouses my intellect and respect for her. The people I have met only meet one of those criteria, except one meeting two of the three. Still, to get all three is a challenge. Even getting two of the three is a challenge.
Why are you Single?
I am myself because of the pain I have endured by many who have claimed to want of me while they were giving a kiss of deceit. Playing with anyone's emotions is an unethical crime that haunts the perpetrator later in life. Several females who claim to know what they want are falling and feeling the pain they deserve for what they wanted was not deserved or earned. If you are stupid enough to want a bridge and house built for you without contributing to the production, then do not expect to have them when the man has built them. Of course, an unethical man will claim to have these until you are trapped and left out in the trash. Do not expect the good man to take you in, as you are not recyclable. When you give up on wanting a respectable man, you give up on being respectable to yourself. Your pain and the pain of your children were caused by you pursuing the pleasure of your false beliefs. One of them believed that she wanted a person of her faith. He could not commit to the person of free milk. He used her for five years. HARK to her for showing disrespect to herself and her daughter. Now, she is with someone who cares about how they treat her. Putting aerosol on excrement does not make a candle's scent flow in the breeze.
What type of partner do you want to marry?
Education is vital to me as I have seen many go to school only to find a mate or find a person to mate with. It is pretty disturbing that the goal is procreation and recreation. It is wiser to find someone who matches the qualities of a good girlfriend or wife if they meet the higher qualities. If you want a good friend, find someone with the qualities of a good girlfriend. If you want a good girlfriend, find someone who would make a good wife. If you want a good wife, then focus on these two aspects.
When the Earth was in danger 5 /8
Prelude (For Prelude please see part 1 )
Watching the changing season all around, to enchant the dance of Urvashi*,
The Earth began to dance too, thinking that Urvashi’s* dance would save the earth,
What a splendid scene it was, which was spreading a magic everywhere on earth,
No one had ever witnessed this beauty and grandeur,
Neither anywhere in the heaven, nor anywhere even on earth.
Breathless and motionless they were watching only,
Under the influence of intoxication, produced by the seasons Goddess Spring,
The last efforts of Urvashi,* to save the earth and all its beautiful creatures. 19
Suddenly a shocking incident took place, shattering the hopes of everyone,
While dancing with Lord Shiva, pride entered into the mind of Urvashi*,
She began to think that she was performing her dance,
as good as that of Lord Shiva*, and
This thought began to disturb her mind,
disturbing the coolness of her flawless dance. 20
Watching the seed of pride, sprouted in the mind of Urvashi*.
The Goddess Earth, ‘Dhara’* thought, “Now the destruction is inevitable,”
If not stopped immediately, the seed of pride rising high in Urvashi’s mind,
Could become the cause of Shiva’s rage and the destruction of our Earth and the Universe.
Not only she too would burnt alive in the cosmic heat of Shiva’s third eye*, but
The whole of this beautiful Earth and the wonderful Universe too would be,
In flames of that cosmic heat and life from this most beautiful planet,
Would vanish forever and forever. 21
A sudden incident took place in that moment, which disturbed the balance of Urvashi,
Urvashi* fell on the ground, while she was at the peak of her divine dance,
Her dance came to a abrupt halt and with that even Shiva’s Tandava* stopped too,
Lord Shiva opened his eyes to see,
What had happened, which forced him to stop his dance suddenly.
Ravindra
Kanpur India 24th Feb. 2011 to continue in 6
Clarifications
Urvashi* was one of the most beautiful Apsara of the court of Lord Indira of heaven, as
per Hindu mythology. She was a perfect dancer and singer.
Lord Shiva* is the supreme God of Hindus.
*Tandava Nritya* means Dance of destruction.
Dahra*Hindi word means earth.
Trinetra* means The Third Eye of Lord Shiva or which exists in the center of our forehead
He never really did learn to treat me like a step-daughter. How could mama marry someone so vindictive?
After daddy died I thought for s u r e we’d be ok. Then Jack walked through the door.
So what if I didn’t finish my homework? That gave him no reason to leave bruises and bumps in places only I can see. He threatened me if I told, I would regret it. Keeping quiet was more dangerous, so I thought…
I shouldn’t have told mama and showed her my s c a r s. I thought the police would’ve taken care of it.
It was warm that night, humidity was rising and sweat was pouring down my forehead as I was tied down by arms stronger than myself. Not once was there a sexual encounter, just a paddle and strong hands. Screaming with a rag in my mouth and in a position I could not break free from. My fear led me to a place of shock. I became quiet and loathsome. After every hit I became more numb, and the more numb I became the more I closed my eyes in weakness. Is this what it felt like to die? The final blow is what caused my final breath. I laid there in a pool of blood and as I rose from my body I saw horrific images of my lifeless body so cold and alone. I died alone in a basement on a cement floor wrapped up in a plastic bag. Twelve years old.
Too young to fight, yet too old to f o r g e t.
Mama was left wailing. She never did forgive herself. Later I saw her in my bedroom holding my blankie and remembering my birth. She was the first to hold me, and couldn't be the last. She needed closure, and I needed h e r …
My youth stolen from a monster who sought pleasure from my death.
My body conquered from a man who brought leisure to my last breath.
Bloodstained floor left marks mama will never be able to forget.
Restrained and more remarks from neighbors; she’ll always regret.
Left lifeless and cold I was tormented from a disturbing step-father so often.
Bereft fight-less as I moaned in agony from a murdering killer left in a coffin.
As mama sat at my grave that cold rainy day she knelt down in prayer asking for divine forgiveness. She laid two white roses on my grave. One for me and one for my daddy. She knew he would take care of me in h e a v e n.
Through Their Eyes II
Sponsor: Shadow Hamilton
Date Written: August 14, 2016
My appointment didn't show up today
So I decided to hang out and play
I circled around Ellanor's Park
wandering about in the dark
and thinking about the road ahead
The rain has just fell leaving mud
and water on the swampy ground
The pokemon go gang was playing around
disturbing nature with their silly sound
They walk up and down the wet grass
communicating with their partners
One by one two by two they showed up and join the crew
As soon as I arrived more of them anchored down
creating nuisance and spreading bad energy around
Luckily the Gods were lingering by to listen to my silent cry
They came down form the sky and spew them out of sight
so that nature could sing and dance about
On by one they jump into their cars
and drove out of Ellanor's park
I closed my car and walked over to an old bulldozer
stationed on the park's ground
the equipment was so old
I wonder if I was still in America
The owner was not around
so I climbed up and sat in the chair
and examined the levers and gears
I was captivated by a certain power
It felt good sitting in an elevated tower
It has been parked there for many days
Rust and dirt was musing on its face
No work was going on and the pile of sand
stood waiting on the ground for the fix it man
The same roads that were repaired
has been dug up and repaired year after year
The paved parts are lean and bumpy
And when I drive my truck rocked side to side
Where are the professional engineers
Cheap labor has sucked every penny out of the mill grinder
And America's roads are in danger
I watched them prowling up and down the street
Trying to figure out my heart beat
But I sat in the big old bulldozer scrutinizing them all over
I felt a sudden rush of power
I felt like a queen in her parlor
And I felt like a queen riding in a carriage
Waving to the magnificent crowd shouting out loud
If the owner was around I would ask for permission
To drive it up and down and through the town
Wolfish influence peddlers
Big belly contractors and poor skills workers
has feasted on the wallet of the county for years
But now I am in the bulldozer and I am getting
ready to run some one over
America needs a constitutional face-lift
Here I am in this big old bulldozer
feeling energetic and strong
I am ready to dig up and tear down the remaining barriers.
You were "blood", & you had nowhere else to go.
You were the brother of my love, how could we tell you no?
We welcomed you in our home, you and your "escorting" hoe.
He even got you a job, as you stated "I won't let you down, bro".
But no good deed goes unpunished, our sentence was not even deferred.
An Instant hell, we fell and we fell, dwelling in the stench of one little demons turd.
My love, he lost his job, because, well Josh, YOU know EXACTLY why.
You ruined the life we worked so extremely hard for...you-the epitome of a big 'ole lie!
Our things were disappearing, but you, you thought you were so very, very sly.
On a golden pond of crescent stars, you were floating on a free moon pie...
My dress, my shirt, our conditioner and for God's sake, my deodorant too?
Was there anything else you forgot to take? Perhaps you'd prefer we send it to you?
My shirt jumped from my drawer, grew lil' feet and placed them on the floor...
Ran down the hall, scooping up my deodorant and into your bag they soared...
Your kitten, the one left in our yard, because of you, she'd almost died.
When we saw her deteriorating condition, it was enough to make one cry.
Poor little thing, you told us she would catch her own food outside.
One more being left in your wake, drowning in the storms from your tide...
Nine hundred dollars in fines, that's how much we paid to claim your kitten as our own.
Or the animal control would take her out of the misery of the only life she had ever known.
For a concerned neighbor, assuming we were responsible, was kind enough to phone,
and they were going to take her, & put her to sleep before she was ever even grown.
But I could not let that happen, even as now, we have not even paid our rent.
My love, because of you, he has no income, and we may all end up residing in a tent.
To think, one little brother could be responsible for these rapid, earth-shattering events,
leaving us a tumbling down alone, and for the next ruining, off you went!
This down-slope of destruction, on and on, has yet to slow for us...
disturbing hatred now swirls inside my belly as this journey has been so rough...
Now YOU have the nerve to question to US, while attempting unsuccessful to act so tough,
The ironic cherrybomb, our sweet icing on the cake, you ask, "HAVEN’T YOU DONE ENOUGH?"
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4
Teach me, my Lord, how to live according
words of the Spirit and daily the Bible trust,
neither resentment, nor anger, or rancour hoarding,
for to be merciful and forgiving I must.
I’m in the realm of shadows, where hearts are harder
and where Satan is ruling, our common foe.
Help me to love you, Lord, with a greater ardour,
if in the darkest valley I have to go.
How to live in this world, where darkness abounds?
things are absurd, and sins are becoming laws,
where demonic force more and more surrounds,
quietly at my heart anxiety gnaws.
Something’s disturbing me, I can’t tell, it’s blurry,
but in the world of fraud, deceit, and intrigue,
possibly it’s for my children some deepest worry
or maybe I am struck by regrets or fatigue.
The callous world is deaf to God’s revelations
and to suppress the truth it frantically tries,
a shroud of falsehood envelops entire nations,
minds of people are trapped in the devil’s lies.
I am, it seems, in this world no longer needed,
and sleepless nights, perhaps, my hopes erode.
Yet, in my deepest core I cannot be defeated,
faith in You, Lord Jesus, cannot corrode.
Should I dare to grumble, if even You,
God in the flesh, walked on earth on the dusty roads,
tiredness and fatigue so well You knew,
overwhelmed with people's complaints loads.
Should I bemoan my losses, when even You,
being abandoned by friends at the biased trial,
with the exception of very few,
and you experienced then your disciple’s denial.
Should I groan from hurt, when the King of kings,
You by the Roman guards were hit on the face,
You, the Creator, from whom any life springs,
with Your forgiveness repentant sinners embrace.
Being betrayed, and spat at, and crucified,
with mocking crowds of mob laughing at You,
You for their sins on the cross had died,
staying to God alone faithful and true.
Risen from death to life, You are giving hope,
when in this darkened world any hope dies.
Setting my heart on You, I can now cope,
and from my grief and pain my soul can rise.
26.01.2022
This is an English version of my poem
"? ???? ?????" http://stihi.ru/2022/01/24/482
Courage
Beyond the still of the night
The unsettling air remains a breath of calm
From eyes enclose, welcoming the blinded sight
What more be life shall offer to come?
Time always travel unseen
Days simply vanishes away
Voices chanting, did I remember my illusive dream?
Or is my life a weightless feather, ready to sway?
No visions to visualize still
Dreams engifted perhaps, bears certain to be forgotten
Though much too close, much too surreal
I shall believe not to the extent to fathom
And I awaited for the night to pass
The deepest of isolation I can only surrender to
Out of love, out of loneliness I’m to outcast
This moment to miss her and to remain still a fool
Studying the figure in the mirror
I’m no doubt torn with an unfounded courage I lack
Should I be in riddance of this endeavor?
Must one recover and practice no longer the false pretentious act
Unnaturally, silence seems to whisper about
The room is more sinister and darker even
There is a soft chanting yet becomingly loud
And fear is all, accompanying this moment’s instant
{Blackness paints what once was before
I could see nothing yet blinded not to all
Those hungry eyes, bloodshot and dancing playfully
Them who chant the verses, strange but beautifully
They were the voices of children who sang among
Till almost deathening when came was then a complete calm
It was a mere moment, yet a moment was enough
Green and haunting, a pair of poison iris onto me he cast
And he spoke his voice I can only vividly remember
It was the voice from my dream that had kept me in bewilderment wonder
Just before I might strain to see the mystery beyond
The enigmatic encounter simply chooses to diminish along}
With the blacken fog cleared
I stand once more within my room
Entranced and crucified by fear
Am I ever to obtain tranquility all too soon?
It can only feel too evil
It wasn’t how tranquility can venture deep
Was it a calling perhaps from a befallen angel?
An angel to only the devil might seek
Disturbing and much too unbecoming
When struck me further was that the language I understand
Not only was it not just simply a dream
For what it said from its tongue, I knew what it meant
“Fear is a fire…
to temper courage and resolve
Be it desire
to quench the thirst for one’s unfounded lost”
………………………………………….
No bull in the proverbial china shop
but of the astrological skies
you’d ride bareback upon the animal
assured by its strength and muscular form
Ruled by Venus and of the second house
A feminine introvert or negative sign
A lover of all things nature and natural
Earth, loyal and faithful but needs stability
Although stubborn enough to charge at one disturbing the peace
Fulfilling the senses with beauty
Neck and throat sensitive and strong (aim affection here!)
Homely content, liking the comforts of life
Attracted to material things in simplest form
although from senses – tactile or pleasing to eye
Naturally practical likes comfortable space for home and work
Food clothes music and linen of importance
for ‘things’ are of value, money and those not materialistic
Sensation more important than feelings and thought
A Taurean can appear boring to others
Practical and sensible in approach
Basing life on the real not imagined
Not willing to take unecessary risk
nor put foundations that are solid in jeopardy
Happy with stability and simplicity so long as functional
Not to be distracted and not exceptionally clever
You get to where you want to be through determination
Always needing the tools to get back to basics and build
A feminine introvert or negative sign
Life is good, ruled by Venus sensual and simple
In Venus Taurus is about physical and idealistic love, arts and beauty
Patient, reliable warmhearted and caring nature
One determined and persistant, a creative, placid creature
Needs watch health especially throat, repiratory, abscess and rheumatism
Stubborness and inflexibility can sometimes be issue
Possessive and relentlessness yet loving
Law abiding and somewhat hostile with change
Witty and practical, faithful and generous to friends
More than averagely loving and very self-conscious
Fixed in opinion down to experience and acceptable patterns
Steadfast, just and firm when faced with difficulty
These are not afraid of dirty hands nor shy of hard work
At best in positions of trust and responsibility
Strength is sensible outlook on life
Weakness of being unable to accept less than you can achieve
Seeing is believing
and because the feet are firmly on the ground
others will come to this sign for advice
as they plod along taking only what is needed to survive
The climate of planet earth has always been in a constant state of change, but modern science seems to have discovered a pattern of transformation that is very disturbing. Such revelations enable them to predict changes that will occur based on conditions that we mortals have created or have been a great contributor. Whether caused by natural processes over time or due to the reckless greed of mankind matters little, but the bigger question is whether or not we can effect a change, or is it really inevitable that we are ecologically and realistically doomed to annihilation. For at least half to three-quarters of my life, the government and the popular media have given me endless scenarios of, not possible but most probable catastrophic outcomes barring some drastic altering of mankind's current way of life. The kind of climate change that they foresee engenders a wildly ballistic mentality of anticipated pain and lasting misery of yet unheard of proportions, and it has the feel of a movie whose director and producer are prepared for mad dashes to high hills, mountain tops, and cave dwelling as the borders of southern Oregan clear across the Rockies and northern states become mere icepacks and freezer zones. The entire state of California will break away along the High Sierras and slide into the Pacific. Massive earth quakes, tsunamis, ice caps, floods, mud slides, forest fires, massive power outages, regional droughts, tornadoes, and hurricanes will as if having a mind of their own form a treaty to create a perfect storm in the northern hemisphere. Like the wild animals of the jungle and beasts of the wilderness, mankind's only feat will be to survive in an environment where the reasoning and rationalizing ability have been exchanged for a chaotic world of anarchistic instinct. *It is said that the locust does not have a king, yet they travel in bands. I do not look forward to a time when the locust accomplishes more in a leaderless state than we humans will. We will not be unified but disconnected as we slowly drift into a planetary abyss after pounding each other into the dust from which we came. Need I say more about how long this distructive condition will last? I know. So much doom and gloom....but I have too much to declare.
06042017PSContest, The Bleaker The Better, Julia Ward; Proverbs30:27*, NA