Long Depressionme Poems
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Shards
Hobbes
*quick note*
A very dark and depressing song I wrote
When I look in the mirror, is it me looking back?
I used to think this all the time untol my attack.
On the subway I sat, I was school bound.
But a gun in my face was what I found.
"Give me your wallet or you'll end up dead.
Make a sudden move I'll put a bullet through your head."
As I was fear stricken, I was stuck where where I stood,
I couldn't believe the man under the hood.
Was he truly so desprit he'd end my life?
Is this how man copes in this time of strife?
Reflection distorted as look as the shards,
I used to be compared to the greatest of bards.
The mirror is broken, the shards cut deep but still I live,
I had always been told that one day what we give,
Would help us in life, a karma of sorts,
Now all I see in the mirror is the bloodstained reflection it distortes.
Identity theft is the hardest case to prove,
I'm left with few options, should I stay, should I move?
The only thing left is the pain that's so real,
If only he'd killed me it'd end this ordeal.
I load my DE with one bullet to start,
And a second for insurance as I inhale a dart.
Is it really over, do I want it to end?
And what of my family, what message would I send?
Dear mom and dad, know that I love you still,
As for my life, well I've just lost the will.
Eagle of the desert be swift in your kill,
Leave in peoples minnds no details to fill.
Cocked and loaded, the trigger is left to pull,
And the thoughts that were missing, now my head is full.
I look once again to the shards on the floor,
And as I see my face there's a knock on the door.
"John Doe I presume," said a voice from afar,
"I have your ID," said the cop, "In my car."
But little did I know my trigger finger would slip,
And walking to the door, on the shards I would trip.
The cop saved my body but the shards saved my life,
And I could never again, to my skin, put a knife.
Reflection distorted as look as the shards,
I used to be compared to the greatest of bards.
The mirror is broken, the shards cut deep but still I live,
I had always been told that one day what we give,
Would help us in life, a karma of sorts,
Now all I see in the mirror is the bloodstained reflection it distortes.
When I look in he mirror, all I see is me,
A survivor in the face of catastrophy.
Here we go
again
No room left to
pretend
The word 'love'
Is just junk
It's meant to
cover up
The scars and
the bruises
Of fights day
and night
The mental
abuses
It just isn't right
Surviving
together
In this torture
room
This shattered
home
Can provide no
room
To breath but
to see
Hearts of soot
and ash
When the cold
took over
It broke them
in half
Strangle me
Stab me
Swallow me
whole
Spit me out
String me up
Drop me hard
down a hole
Let me crash
and burn
But never learn
The sins of this
home
The lie that is
'love'
It never ends
Like a carnival
ride
Round and
round
And up and
down
Never let me
drown
Just choke for a
little while
Then pull me
up
And whip my
back
Then start again
On the next go
round
I can't get off
This merry-go-
round
In
Frankenstein's
carnival
No mercy can
be found
Like jungle cats
We fight in
silence
Tearing to
shreds
'Til it rains
down red
The acid in the
blood
Which pours
like a flood
Burns my
wounded back
Where you
whipped me
As revenge for
my subtle attack
I knew by now
You could be
so cruel
But to turn
your back
Your subtle
attack
For a simple
question
I need not
have asked
The silence
ringing in my
ears
It's scathing
tone buries me
whole
In soot and ash
And prolongs
your attack
All the shards
From the
windows and
walls
Of our broken
home
They envelope
my soul
And take me
into the fold
Bury me in this
mold
As the one who
couldn't go
Freeze me in
time
As the failure
Who couldn't
get out
To save her
own soul
But chained to
a wall
She fell
through the
floor
She rotted away
...
Had she ever
been there at
all?
The victim of a
broken home
The subtle
abuses
They ate
through her
soul
Not breathing
but seeing
The monster's
true form
Left on her own
In this
permanently
broken home
Can't live with
Can't afford to
live without
Then die
together
In the torture
room
Of this
irrevocably
broken home
…...
Round and
round
On the merry-
go-round
Frankenstein's
carnival
Has taken you
down
Form:
Man of Stone
By: Hobbes
When I close my eyes Things seem clearer than ever before.
My mind wanders and my soul is calmed,
I am alone in a place where none can harm me.
Where I can be me and nobody can say otherwise.
And when I close my eyes I can be with you...
Together forever within the limitless space of my mind,
None can take you from me in this, my prison of all places
Yet the only place where I am free...
I hide from a world of terror and hate,
A world of corruption,
A world of Fear,
A world that I helped forge...
When I look back I see my life,
I see a boy, dressed in black,
Mourning the loss of his innocence,
An innocence that was stolen from him by the words of monsters and fiends.
The boy's face is stone,
for the fiends carved it so.
Carved from years of torment and tears,
The boy no longer feels.
He is broken and alone,
Never too be the same.
As the boy grows he feels new things,
feelings of isolation,
Feelings of pressure and stress,
feelings of desire and lust.
And the feeling of being different when everyone else was the same...
Change is enevidable though at times frightening.
And the boy, no the man, made of stone would go in it alone,
For that is how the world shaped him.
But the wheels of change keep turning...
Now the man stands alone,
His path set in stone,
Like the stone that is his heart, body, and soul.
But guiding voices help him as he roams.
Friendly whispers that help to guide the way to the light.
They support him in his times of need,
Strengthen him,
Give him the courage to fight on.
They are why he presses on through the never...
When I open my eyes the world is still pained,
I still have my problems buried in the stone,
But they are there for me,
Both near and very far.
They fuel my fire and keep me marching.
They help me when I need it most,
Maybe even more that they will ever know...
I am myself,
I can choose to live with it or I can do something about it.
But I will never falter,
I will never slip,
I will never cave.
Keep trying to break me,
It only makes me stronger!
I will keep on keeping on!
For I have the strength to do so,
not only from me,
but from my rock, my foundation,
My friends
scared of falling
ghosts are calling
the pavements getting close
wind rushing through my hair as if being played by ghosts.
i hit the ground
giving a bone cracking sound and people start to gather
they draw my body's outline on the ground and put me on a platter
they take me to the hospital i only have seconds left to go.
they give me drugs that will surely put on a show.
I'm getting dizzy and i cant keep open my eyes
but the only thing keeping me awake
is my loves beautiful eyes
oh the lies.
the lies she said
put on like bread
they must of rubbed off on me.
for i played the game too.
but she didn't see it from my perspective
for she couldn't tell my truths from lies
so now she left me with an uncertain look on my face.
shes put me back down again my heart is gone and misplaced
i wish she would come back to me i wish she would try again.
but now shes scared and i don't know where to begin.
i wake in a hospital room stepped to the bed.
i see needles and IVS in my arms
blood stained sheets
what ever happened I'm sure glad i wasn't awake for it
until i noticed they went doing operation on my body
no
they were doing operation on my brain
insane?
IN-VAIN!
I scream and shout and scramble my arms and legs
two big men in suits walk in
hold me down while a nurse gives me another shot.
I fall asleep fast and dream of her again.
her hazel eyes,
her short cut hair
my destiny ceased and turned to my demise
oh those hazel eyes.
leaving back a letter stating (every thing in parentheses isn't in the note):
dear mom and dad
please don't be sad
don't get mad
it was never your fault
(alright maybe it was)
it was mix of things
we all know who your going to point fingers at
its wasn't because Jeanette i promise you
our love had been wrecked and now i don't know what to do.
i took these pills to answer your prayers
no more pain Mommy
and look dad no more annoying kid running around.
well, i hope you enjoy your life and remember life isn't as meaningless as i think it is.
Form:
Broken
Is it my fault that I crack when you strip my shell down more and more?
It wasn’t me who had broken myself.
Did I cry when you needed me?
I usually sucked up to the comments you made about the girls you made, but when I heard
we were better friends, I was broken.
Were you this hurt when I didn’t text back because I dreamt what would happen if we did
what fate decided?
I watched the phone with every passing moment hoping you would be as eager as I was.
Did you see my tears after we talked?
The tears I shed when I saw you with other girls, one’s that had broken me.
When I talk and you didn’t answer on the phone, were you think about a different girl?
I thought you could hear my sadness of my heart beat when I felt myself become broken.
Did you see my hands tear the pictures we had?
The pictures became broken and shredded just like the relation we have.
Did you see the despair in my eye when I cried for your help?
When I ran away to our secret place and cried for you to be there with me today because I
was broken.
When I saw that girl in our secret spot did she replace me?
I ran away screaming at you that you were horrible hoping you would feel broken, but
instead you shrugged your shoulders.
Did you see me trip and fall helplessly?
I saw my hurt and how broken I was, but I didn’t cry for you help this time.
Do I even mean anything to you?
I asked myself that, wanting to know before I was completely broken.
Did you hear the steps I made trying to get closer to you at school?
I felt the push which you meant, you pushed with everything on the string that held me from
being broken.
Did I cry?
I held it in since I was nothing, but broken now.
Did you see my blood that spilt on the cement?
The little piece of life went with that broken heart which had fell with that blood.
Was I another puppet you threw away when you were done?
I maybe old, but I wasn’t broken just yet.
Can I walk without my puppet master guiding me?
I will try to walk with my broken strings, which you had tangled.
Form:
The frigid metal against skin,
My desperate ending without sin.
I hold it tight, poised over my wrist,
I want to stop, but the knife insists.
Salty tears running down my cheeks,
I apply pressure to the end I seek.
I feel the tip straining against my arm,
Strangely enough, I feel little alarm.
I cannot think straight, like I am possessed,
My slowness and unwilling, I do detest.
As I feel the point, slowly about to break through,
The phones shrill ringing counters, and I’m frantic, what to do?
I’m finally able to release the knife,
You, on the other end, just saved my life.
I pick up shakily, and put on a front,
Secretly thanking God the knife was so blunt.
The one who has saved me, is the only I trust,
I know I shall tell her, my heart says I must.
But I cannot, I don’t, and we talk senselessly now,
Her oblivion doesn’t bother me, I’ll tell her, I vow.
Too hard for speaking, this much I know,
Later we text, and I tell her slow.
I know that she’s crying, I’ll bet she’s a wreck,
I make sure that she knows, she saved my neck.
Talking for hours, her mind surprisingly clear,
Then I recall, years ago, she’d had been here.
She stands solid, somewhere between frantic and fervor,
No matter what I say, I can’t seem to unnerve her.
Every other line, or so it seems,
We love you, we need you, those choice words teem.
I’m relieved I told her, this girl, my best friend,
To my swirling head, I know she will tend.
She keeps saying it will pass, the evil feelings that be,
It won’t I say solidly, how can she have such faith, in me?
This girl makes me promise, in the dark of the night,
I will not do a thing, I don’t put up a fight.
Because I’m feeling feeble, and I’m feeling drained,
I know she’s there, shaking, that her expression is pained.
But for now, I feel nothing, so empty inside,
She’s protecting me, holding me, getting me off this ride.
In the swirl of it all, I can do nothing, but go with the tide.
Form:
I wish I hadn't come here
I wish I hadn't seen that
I wish I hadn't bought this
I wish I my hair was longer
I wish I was physically stronger
I wish I was orchestral and volumetric when in the presence of nobility
I wish I was commanding and vibrant when amongst the petty crowd
I wish I'd studied more at school
I wish I was financially secure for damn sure
I wish I was rich beyond my wildest dreams
I wish I was systematic, diplomatic, enigmatic or something equivalent
I wish I could afford to be flippant like an aristocrat's only spoilt child
I wish I had a leather jacket like that
I wish I could dance like Michael Jackson, James Brown or Nijinsky
I wish I could entice, excite, enlight, enrich
I wish you'd shut up and sit down.......in that order
I wish you wouldn't do that
I wish you'd stop swearing...........and spitting for that matter
I wish to be appreciated..........not depreciated
I wish you were here instead of me being tortured
I wish I was somewhere else being pampered
I wish God was here in my hour of need
I wish I hadn't said that
I wish you'd sit down and be quiet
I wish the sun and the earth would collide and thus rid me
of these crippling debts and continuous bad health
I wish I could sleep at nights without the aid of tablets
I wish to retract that last statement
I wish Priests Court was a dual carriageway
I wish you'd stop shouting and moaning and pushing
I wish to be excused
I wish the train of good fortune would for once....if it's not too much trouble........stop long
enough for me to participate
I wish to be adored and envied by no-one in particular
in fact.........
I wish to be called Gloria in future.............if you don't mind
I wish you'd stop laughing .....I jest you not.....it's a serious matter
I wish you loved me
I wish you were obsessed.......to the point of sickness
I wish you were mine basically.
I wish I'd met you years ago.
The Sunshine.
I hate the sunshine; it makes my head spin,
The very concept of a gigantic ball of burning gas,
Hanging in a billion mile room,
And a globe spinning round hurts my head,
The sun reminds me of our silly situation,
Hanging in space pathetically all alone with our own madness,
If it’s infinite then that’s too much, if it’s finite then that not enough,
Claustrophobia and agoraphobia fight the balance,
The sunshine makes the men get excited as if it’s good,
Gives something for them to pin their hopes on,
Warmth, brightness, happy days by the sea,
Their minds turning to love and family and parties,
Aiding their ignorance, pushing their greed.
How can they be so sure?
Why so cocky?
We are just hanging in space around an unstable monstrous ball of burning gas.
It’s pointless and endless and all loves must be lost.
All happiness is passing and painful.
We are all going to die.
Forgive me if I don’t feel like chatting up the brunette at the bar.
War keeps them focused.
No, I hate the sunshine; it makes me small and wretched,
Give me thick black clouds and mountainous stormy sheets of rain,
Give me a roof of thunder blackness to hide under,
Give me a black blue cooling maelstrom.
Its fitting and its true-a backdrop to our terror.
The stillness of a shiny bright white day
Adds intensity to the pointless stupidity of our cause,
Like dissecting an ant on a red hot paving stone,
Give me rich dark wet greens, overflowing rivers
Swaying trees and the roar of the wind
Don’t torment me with you hideous boisterous menacing sun
Don’t remind me of loves and laughs that are gone for ever
Don’t trick my friends into thinking its ok.
Burry them in darkness and cold and wet,
So they my get used to the loneliness and isolation,
So they may let go of hope.
Form:
I asked what’s worse than death,
You say people that help you survive.
You say: “ I don’t feel anything anymore.”
You make every one out to be your enemy,
But your enemy itself is you!
You say that none of us care,
When it’s you that don’t care.
You say that none of us love you,
When it’s you that doesn’t love yourself.
You say you have a very empty feeling,
When you are the only one that can fill it.
You say we broke you down emotionally,
When it was you, yourself who did it,
By not talking about the things that bothered you.
You say: “ I can’t go on.”
When you know you can, with help, make it.
You feel sorry for yourself,
When you should feel sorry for those who love you.
You only think of yourself and you don’t
See the suffer in the eyes of other.
To me she died a few days ago.
To me you are a total stranger.
My heart is struck with sorrow
For the monster she become destroyed
Everything good that’s left.
To me you are a nobody,
Because she would never have done
What sorrow you did.
To me you don’t exist,
For she would never destroy
What’s good in life.
If only she could be here,
She would clean up the destruction
You caused.
If she was here
She would have thought of us and never
Cause so much sorrow.
You know time choose you,
You can not choose time.
For time and place and how
Is special itself.
Why put yourself through so much,
Pain, when it is not your time to go.
Where is home: heaven, earth or hell,
How would you know?
You sound and act so pathetic,
She would never have done that.
Why should I feel sorry for you.
It is only you, you care about.
I’ll rather weep for the person you hide
Just to become a self-conscious monster
When it’s only you that can stop.
I am doing the right thing
Don't change don't stray - away
Maintain
Vigilance is awarded through patience waiting brings blessings n gifts
So must layer up and have my heart a stones throw from brick
Much easier said then being done with this
But
I must maintain must not struggle and turn away
Must not
Get hot
Even thought opportunity came
If this is true then let love do its thing
In which I believe it is
Loving to complete others I don't believe In
Yes I'll admit my heart is seeping again
But
What would it gain just more pain more indescriptive things
Just cover it up I must
Let her reign and have her cake
Let it be surrender under loves mercy
Into the lords hands and let it be
As I'm daily walking these streets
Won't let other women look let alone speak because this climb is bigger than me
I feel and I see
I just deal and think what would they want of me
What's my next move
I- will- motivate me
Because giving up is too easy
It's my fault this hole in my heart is there and grown
Dumb to be so smart
Now my family I built is so far apart
Never again will my crown fall off
Tryin to find my place
Find my way
Find the best way to not upset the order of things
The dread of going through this again again would kill me
Physically and spiritually
My head is already swimming and robbing me of sleep
Trust ain't the fact its the principle you see
But
Who cares
Forgiveness has its price and now I know that's why I write
Won't show how I'm shedding my tears
Scarring my checks from visual fears
But
It's ok
Not really but you know what I mean to say
I'm a just stay in my place stay at my pace and move one to the next day........Peace