Long Dead of night Poems
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In the beginning it was just a smell
a smell i could not quite make sense of
a smell that the city was, a smell that the people in it were
in the beginning it was just a smell
a smell that dragged swarms of people of their homes
onto the streets, into the trains, into the strangers’ eyes and their uncharted territories
slowly i realised
all cities are, first, smells to the outsiders
and Tainan was smell sound taste touch to me
there were moments when i felt
this city is just people, so many of them; how beautiful
that i do not know any of them, yet i know them all
sometimes i would think if i emptied the city of all these countless faces
and bodies jostling with each other, what would remain of the city? would it still beat if i put my ears into the hearts of the depeopled Shennong Street
at the dead of night?
i came to Taiwan for the same reason
that a Vietnamese, an Indonesian, or an American comes for,
to chase my dreams, to become more of me,
instead I became it
it wasn’t as easy and quick as they make it out to be;
it took time, for love has its own mysterious ways
i started to embrace Taiwan and its culture
huge numbers of scooters and cars
Everyone follows the traffic rules
wait patiently for the green signals
one in Tainan city never feels pity
city buses and t-bikes are the best friends of a wanderer in the city
people are always helpful,
they adore you as they adore ‘hello kitty’;
small parks almost at every half a kilometer
elderly people like Mr. and Mrs. Wang use them for exercise
sometimes the parks provide sweet beds to the homeless;
i often use the underground passage of the Tainan train station
i look at the people sleeping there
they have made their small worlds in the underpass
they eat, they sleep, they chat with their neighbours
people look quite strange and funny without boundaries around them
their small worlds haven’t yet known the ways of the boundaries, the frontiers; these people are happy in heavy rains and in extreme cold, are they happy?
Tainan has a home for everyone, i guess
when I feel bored, i go to the sea
and bathe in the sounds of its waves lapping against the shores
sunset-platform lets you enjoy the majestic sunset and calming breeze born of the boundless deep
_____to be continue in part-II
Autumn leaves and melancholy
The city park an Oasis for a lovers stroll
As the cold nights invade the city lights
Park benches, the hotels for the homeless
A vagrant inebriated man, withered
Drunk and destitute, no home to go
He lies listless, snoring on the park bench
Ragged clothes and a tattered life
Wake UP Wake UP
Shoved by the Police in the dead of night
You must move on old man
Or we shall issue you a court summons
Ah but where shall I go? he boldly demands
This is of no concern of ours old drunk
You must vacate this park now
We have no time for old drunk fools
The old man asks, and who pray tell are you?
I am the police, and your nightmare, if you don’t vacate now
Oh Police? Not officers of the peace? Here to serve and protect?
And who pray tell are you serving and protecting tonight?
Do not talk back old man
Worse things than a summons may befall upon you
Now move on you stinky drunk
As the story goes, the old man moved on, drunk and broken
The next day, no better for the wear
The old man rose, to begin another beggar’s day
Voices inside tormented him
Wounds from long ago
Today, he proclaimed time to collect his just rewards
His teeth ached, his belly hurt
He bought a gun, from the toy store
All he could afford
Off he went to the City Bank
Time for a withdrawal
Hand me all your cash he demanded
The teller whispered
Old man we all know you
You can not think to get away?
Why you barely stumbled your way in here
I doubt you can make it to your getaway bus?
- concern and compassion in her voice
He replied all proud
None the less hand me your cash
My plan is sound, you pretty lass
Fear not I mean no harm to you sweetie
At the door, those very same Police
Yelled drop your weapon
And so he did
As they pushed him violently to the ground
Sitting in the back seat, he smiled
Finally justice will be served
The Officer scolded him
You drunk, you will be locked away now you scum
40 years before, the irony of life was to be painted
The old drunk saved the life of a fellow soldier
Who had a son, whom became a police officer
Irony is the sadness that shall sink many a heavy heart
Now the old man, with 10 years in prison
Finally his country paid his dues
This old war vet, got his 3 square meals
His teeth all fixed and healthcare for an ailing heart
God bless those who truly serve and protect
1#
Brewed tea
Wife and myself
Nothing between us
2#
He was metamorphosed
Into a frog
When his wife had left him
3#
I needed
A lonely woman
Thousand years back
4#
She shivered
In yellow sun
Struck by her coyness
5#
God travels
With three suitcases
One for me
6#
I kissed
Her frostiness
And my lips turned icebergs
7#
The bed
Gets embarrassed
At our nakedness
8#
Her hands
Stopped me
To pick evenings
9#
We two rested
In a cave of Kundalini
Behind the waterfall
10#
The alien woman
Travelled six moons
To deliver her baby in a burial ground
11#
An eagle swoops
On a field –mouse
Tables of wedding
12#
The woman kissed me
I felt her hollow ribs
As if in a spring dream
13#
The woman’s hair
Struck by a gale
Made waterfalls
14#
My wife locked
Me one fine evening
In my neighbour’s hole
15#
The rats are away
When mice take in
My wife’s clammy face
16#
The summer rain
In exasperation
Took wings to raid the moon
17#
Lolo my wife
Her green sleek steps
Thundered an innocent fly
18#
In the dead of night
God made two wives
One for me one for my neighbour
19#
My neighbour’s wife
Delivered a child
When I was asleep
20#
The woman said goodbye
And I took a fish for dinner
I mistook it for my wife
21#
My wife is a canvas
Where I paint
My forebodings
22#
A painter’s apprentice
In sheer foolishness
daubed in red my wife’s rear-view
23#
A squirrel saw my wife
And in haste
Lost her guava
24#
I was caught in neighbour’s bedroom
By my wife last summer
I lost my glasses
25#
A wolf entered the graveyard
Unannounced
And annoyed my wife
26#
Sarah my wife
Lumbering
Dizzy commuters
27#
Sarah wed me
And in brief forgetfulness
Greeted my neighbour
28#
A tiger ate Sarah my wife
It happened by accident
The tiger knows
29#
Morning bell
Wake up call
I want to sleep
30#
Pola my pet fly
Fouled things up
She ate my wife’s breakfast
31#
My dog Pintu
Hydrophobia
I set him free on my wife’s posterior
32#
Eons ago a butterfly
Gave birth to my wife
Now, a caterpillar
33#
A hard slap
Stammering
Hurricane Sarah will win
34#
You have gathered enough winters
Woman sighs
Leave one for me
35#
The woman flapped her wings
To clouded mountaintops
Silky as white
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am Saul, beset, besieged, afraid to face the war
Without the latent singing of my natal star
Exposed. Fiends and witches medium know alone
To bring up a spirit or read the scattered bone
But those dark, heinous hags are no more
With venom wrath I slaughtered and purged them
And still find no praise in the silence of my core
From him who first hated them ... no ah nor em.
I am Saul, speak to your king, is any left
To compose me, I now of old Samuel bereft
Can find no spark of God or light abroad
Endor is far, the trek is hard, trek is hard.
One witch is there, you are sure? One for me
To consult and consort and be forgiven
One to tell aught of promise or pallid tragedy
How stands my course between hell or heaven?
At dead of night, the deadly still becalms the world
And I am cloaked darkest rags and identity curled
Catlike within, laden with ritual wage I venture forth
To convent with awful hag, and make my fickle sport
And then a hollow voice was heard, a distant chilling
Echo, with edges icily dripping in the dark of my heart
The witch of Endor like a foggy figure, rising and nearing
The leaves and all things normal fled, or moved apart.
Then out of the cavernous depths of earth
I Saul saw, like entrails from a flimsy sow at birth
The form, the icy apparition that soon became
Exactly as the figure of he as Samuel named
Looming me with frightening spite to the end
The sword twisted, gut wrenched, headless time
Mark how the judgment my soul have rend
Mark me shivering in the alien, cold, callous clime.
What thing is this, what dreadful horror to my eyes
Seditious vampire, treason is the altar of reason's lies
Yet nothing shakes me cold unless the force is real
The apparition came and went and my fate was sealed.
And I Saul, king, who heard the dead groaned before
A thousand cruel ways upon a bloody floor, aghast
Beheld what had no explanation in temple or shore
Sin's perdition entangled me from a calamitous past.
I was weeping while you were in sweet slumber…
Our past and future is but a blur, it’s not my cure
To this aching, breaking and shaking heart of mine
I can take so much till I had enough, my sugar wine
Once, I was a slave to shame…
But now, I’m regretless as ever like whatever
Since when did you take the blame?
I change my crazed mind much like the weather
I blame no one for the negative thoughts in the dead of night
I became someone else and I already have fought the good fight
I still feel this same feelings of wanting more than this life can offer
If you don’t care and refuse to bear these scars, might as well be a scoffer
I can take so much till I had enough
I don’t feel enough, but my skin is tough
It’s a rather bumpy road I’ve driven
It’s a rather hard life, taken advantaged of and a life hardly worth livin’
It’s as if I’m a lonely bard,
Afraid to be given nothing financially
Life is a loser lottery card,
But I have been given joy emotionally
Once, I was a slave to shame…
But now, I’m regretless as ever like whatever
Since when did you take the blame?
I change my crazed mind much like the weather
I blame no one for the negative thoughts in the dead of night
I became someone else and I already have fought the good fight
I still feel this same feelings of wanting more than this life can offer
If you don’t care and refuse to bear these scars, might as well be a scoffer
I can take so much till I had enough
I don’t feel enough, but my skin is tough
It’s a rather bumpy road I’ve driven
It’s a rather hard life, taken advantaged of and a life hardly worth livin’
I’d rather trade my useless ego and lack of fame
For a little more money and friends till the end…till the end of time, I’m going down to the bottomless pit
I’d rather trade my sadness with happiness without shame
For, this hard of mine is shattering from the start and nobody knows how to mend it or comprehend it
I can take so much
Until I had enough…
I long for your touch,
For this life is rough…
I can take so much
Until I had enough of this nonsense and life is a challenging chore of change and I’m free
I belong with you and such,
But you can’t see it…yet, my hopeless fears are fought away by HIS awesome liberty
At the mountain's peak, where the sky touches the earth,
Stands the graceful woman, determined in every moment, for every soul,
She trembles slightly, like a bird waiting, gentle in her love,
Her story unfolds in blue echoes, under the gaze of the stars.
In the pale moonlight, she speaks of the cold that froze the homes,
She asks with longing and pity, "Why do the little hands tremble, mother, and why does the earth cry?
You, boy, have the dagger that can wound, that can crush,
Do you still have anything gentle in you, or have we become strangers to each other?"
"I feel myself shrinking," sighs the watchful woman,
"People pass by on the streets, they look at us, count their years and traces,
I would like to kiss the fence between us, in a dance of love full of magic,
But this gesture remains in a dream, a prisoner at noon, in a world that cannot touch it."
In the silence of the night, I hear how the stone cries, in its centuries-old sorrow,
Bitten by the shadows of the dead, it has frozen in pain and sadness,
Well, I, the human, have also felt the bite of those times,
I flinched, I trembled, I faced the helplessness of my world.
I beat the guards with my unseen hands, with my sharp ears,
In the pause between words, the sounds of my inner greatness burst forth,
But my soul traveled through unseen worlds, seeking salvation,
I fell into a sea of thoughts, of dreams, I fell into myself, into an endless world.
In the midst of the unripe hemp field, I lie down and feel my longing,
Love grows in me like a heap of damp and fragrant hemp,
I feel the flame of passion igniting in me, of unrestrained desire,
I lose myself in a gymnastic love, in a dance shrouded in mystery.
In this dream world, I say, "Alas, woe is me,
I have thrown my glasses into the river of time and now I cannot see,
You, like a shining star, are in front of me, but the water separates us,
And yet, we are in the same boat of destiny, floating together."
We, two wanderers, in the middle of the night, cling to hope,
Traveling through hidden worlds, through deep and dark feelings,
In this melody of our hearts, we are a chorus of love,
And in the dead of night, under the star-filled sky, we find each other, we love, we embrace.
(Dedication: For Michael Zachary, my son)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sense this knowing: can the blind see?
Homer still sings fond tragedy.
Troy was a thought where siege was laid,
A war well fought as heroes paid.
Love and hate doomed to mortal rage,
Ten years once groomed that fatal stage.
Such fine faces like Archilles,
Hector traces with Odysseus.
Proud Agamemnon did hoard the sands,
Trojans beyond the high walls grand.
King Priam spied Greeks' battle scream,
Aegean waves plied the battle scene.
The rise and fall of heroes there,
The bitter gall of curse and swear.
Both sides pitted to furious fights,
Even witted, no end in sight.
Clever tactics at Troy did sway,
Loss most drastic for each did stay.
So many years the battle raged,
Proud lives and tears on either page.
Weary battles and bloody mess,
Souls now brittle with sure duress.
So many dead in bloodied sand,
The feud most great in defiant stand.
Now crafty thought brought idea grand,
Odysseus's plot to win war's end.
A hollow horse as token gift,
A rousing toss for Troy's uplift.
Greek ships slipped round to hide away,
Vanished fleet found with deceit's play.
This cunning ruse worked with sure craft,
Troy seemed amused with hoarding draft.
Dragged the wood crypt within the walls,
Stupor and script tell of Troy's fall.
In dead of night when sleep wrought themes,
Greeks murdered fight in Trojan dreams.
Homer the blind brought us grand sights,
For here we find our saving light.
Now we can see the fight go on,
Harsh as can be here and beyond.
Wars and battles reveal who's slain,
Man's not gentle who lives harsh gain.
We think and speak to weave fashion,
Give in to streaks of ambition.
The hunter hunts the chase until,
The victim grunts to turn and kill.
Troy and her days remind us still,
Live truce that pays in wise goodwill.
What of Helen who is part myth?
Fond beauty turns a timely drift.
A lovely tale of human gore,
To now assail that love lives more.
Thus all the world remembers well:
Dear heroes swirl just where we dwell!
Leon Enriquez
19 November 2014
Singapore
-In the dead of night, when the world is silent, her whispers haunt the shadows of my mind.
“Daddy, I’m so tired… I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Her small voice, trembling like a ghost, echoes in my heart — a chilling reminder of the fragile life we’re trying to hold together.
Late at night,
when silence drapes the room,
my mind whispers the questions
I’m too scared to ask.
Was I happy?
Or just trying to be?
Did he make me happy,
or was I chasing shadows —
because he was my first love?
Or was there something more?
I gave him all I had,
because I loved him that much.
But my mind spirals,
questions tearing through me:
Was it the right choice —
to stay with him?
I forgave him,
for love’s sake.
I wished…
I thought of dying instead.
But what if he tells my daughter —
the one I want to protect —
“This is why I can’t love you.”
What if our little girl comes to him,
with heavy, silent tears,
whispering, “Daddy,
I have dying thoughts.
I feel lost, alone, and broken.”
Will he see her pain?
Or tell her she’s the reason
he can’t love her?
How will she feel then?
Is that what I want for her?
To carry this weight
before she even learns to breathe?
I love him —
but isn’t she the result of that love?
Isn’t she just as important as I am to him?
Isn’t she our blood, our sweat, our tears,
our prayers whispered late at night?
Then why —
what if he can’t hold her like I hope he will?
What if he can’t hold me, either?
He is my partner, yes,
but she —
she is ours.
Isn’t she?
And isn’t it both our responsibility —
his and mine —
to hold on tight,
to protect her,
to be with her,
to make sure we find happiness together?
Why is he like this?
I know his view is broken —
but aren’t we the ones he loves?
Shouldn’t I, his partner,
and our daughter too,
be safe in his arms?
Can’t he see I’m breaking —
the one who stayed,
the one who loved him
through every crack and flaw?
I want him to teach her
that pain isn’t the answer,
but when everything falls apart —
when my heart feels just like hers —
Is he the one I should trust
to hold our daughter’s fragile heart?
Is he the one I should spend
the rest of my life with?
Oh, what joy, to find you within my arms,
to know throughout the night, all of your charms,
Oh, blessed shall be the hours of the night.
Let the joy of our love forever shine,
I kiss your precious lips and taste love’s wine,
our love shall bloom under Luna’s love-light,
Never shall my heart, now be found pining,
for my heart shall now be ever shining,
for your rose dwells there and makes it shine bright.
Within my core, I find your blessed love,
it lifts my heart to the Heaven’s above,
my Valentine, you make my heart take flight.
My Valentine, you are ever my dove,
you ever share with me, most precious love,
you are ever the heart of my love’s theme.
When you are with me, we stand by love’s shore,
you shall ever be the one I adore,
come, lie with me now by the starlight stream.
Oh, my beloved, you are my divine,
Within the bright stars, your beauty shall shine,
you shall ever be my eternal dream.
Forever, my eyes shall not know sad tears,
you shall be my beloved, through the years,
my Valentine, tears of joy, they now stream.
My Valentine, you are ever my dream,
we share our love within the starlight gleam,
together we shall walk through love’s own door.
My love is ever yours and yours is mine,
you shall ever be my love so divine,
we shall ever be a part of love’s lore.
Our love does live on when night disappears,
you shall be mine throughout the countless years,
together, the joys of love we explore.
You ever belong in the stars above,
sharing with me the joy of precious love,
my Valentine, you live deep in my core.
My Valentine, you, I ever adore,
leave your bright rose, in my heart, I implore,
you touch my heart and you make it divine.
Oh, what joy, as I do shed love’s bright tears,
our love shall harmonize, through countless years,
I kiss your lips that shall taste of love’s wine.
We go together, like hand in a glove,
eternal shall flow, the joy of our love,
now, my love, your beauty shall ever shine.
Love shared in a dream, by the starlight stream,
you shall ever come to be, love supreme,
my Valentine, our temples now entwine.
__________________________________________________
Because for my disability there is no magic fix
So in the dead of night when the clock strikes midnight
I lean back slowly in my desk chair and I stare into the darkness
And sometimes I just close my eyes and imagine I'm someone else
Because I'm in so much pain it honestly makes me sick
And the idea of death used to terrify me to the point of being sleepless
But now it just seems like sweet relief if I'm being honest
But it's not like I would ever kill myself or anything
Truth be told this isn't really a poem it's a revelation
This is what I deal with every single day
There are times I honestly feel really good about myself
But those days are truly few and far between
And this piece of paper is the only place I have the courage
To spill my soul in a manner such as this
Because I have never felt like I was worth anyone's time
A lazy eye, anxiety, and no self confidence are my dearest friends
And as I sit here in this chair and reflect my emotions have run dry
Just like my cheeks have finally run dry as the tears ceased
I guess 28 years of feeling inferior is really hard to overcome
And I totally understand there are people who have it worse
I feel empathy for everyone suffering their own private battles
But my experience is uniquely mine, their experience is uniquely theirs
So I don't feel whataboutism has any place in this discussion
When I began this poem I had no idea where it would even go
For once I just wanted to write out my conflict without pretty words
I wanted this message to be as simple and direct as possible
That every time you look in my eyes you can't fathom the agony hidden
But if you know someone with an affliction like mine or any kind
Please just give them a hug and tell them they really matter
Because it might not seem like they need it but they really do
Or maybe it's just me and I can't really speak for anyone
I just know I can't be the only one alone in their room at midnight crying
Because they haven't lived a single day feeling normal
I guess in the end I want to reach out to those just as fractured as me
So that together we can finally be whole again
When the clock finally strikes midnight