My Lazy Eye Part 2
Because for my disability there is no magic fix
So in the dead of night when the clock strikes midnight
I lean back slowly in my desk chair and I stare into the darkness
And sometimes I just close my eyes and imagine I'm someone else
Because I'm in so much pain it honestly makes me sick
And the idea of death used to terrify me to the point of being sleepless
But now it just seems like sweet relief if I'm being honest
But it's not like I would ever kill myself or anything
Truth be told this isn't really a poem it's a revelation
This is what I deal with every single day
There are times I honestly feel really good about myself
But those days are truly few and far between
And this piece of paper is the only place I have the courage
To spill my soul in a manner such as this
Because I have never felt like I was worth anyone's time
A lazy eye, anxiety, and no self confidence are my dearest friends
And as I sit here in this chair and reflect my emotions have run dry
Just like my cheeks have finally run dry as the tears ceased
I guess 28 years of feeling inferior is really hard to overcome
And I totally understand there are people who have it worse
I feel empathy for everyone suffering their own private battles
But my experience is uniquely mine, their experience is uniquely theirs
So I don't feel whataboutism has any place in this discussion
When I began this poem I had no idea where it would even go
For once I just wanted to write out my conflict without pretty words
I wanted this message to be as simple and direct as possible
That every time you look in my eyes you can't fathom the agony hidden
But if you know someone with an affliction like mine or any kind
Please just give them a hug and tell them they really matter
Because it might not seem like they need it but they really do
Or maybe it's just me and I can't really speak for anyone
I just know I can't be the only one alone in their room at midnight crying
Because they haven't lived a single day feeling normal
I guess in the end I want to reach out to those just as fractured as me
So that together we can finally be whole again
When the clock finally strikes midnight
Copyright © Christopher Goss | Year Posted 2019
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