Long Blow a gasket Poems
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It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
Don't try it, you might blow a gasket
There's a bunch of other stuff you should know
Before they put you in a casket
Greece's anthem has over a hundred verses
The seventh inning must take forever
The eye of an ostrich is bigger than its brain
They've got nice personalities however
A goldfish memory is only three seconds
Damn it, can't remember the next line
There's over than 300 dimples on a golf ball
I'm going to start counting mine
If they didn't add colouring to Coca-Cola
It'd be a ghastly shade of green
Cockroaches live nine days without their head
But they don't have a mouth to scream
A starfish apparently doesn't have brains
Called one of my buddies a “Starfish”
He really thinks I'm paying him a compliment
Some days he can be quite thickish
If you bang your head against a brick wall
You use up 150 calories an hour
Milk that's been sitting in the sun for days
Is most likely the sourest of sour
© Jack Ellison 2013
Not everyone's enamoured by my humour
At risk of my head being bopped
Say things in jest that are taken as serious
Chancing of a punch in the chops
Like when I once said to a very large lady
Pressing number two in the elevator
“That's just one floor, you coulda walked!”
Thought I'd end up on the floor
Another time down in old Cape Cod
In a store getting out of the sun
A lady knocked over a very large display
Yelled “Now look what you've done!”
Dear Cathie turned ten shades of purple
She was just about to blow a gasket
However luckily cooler heads prevailed
Considered myself quite fortunate
“Look before you leap” as the old saying goes
Often insert my foot in my mouth
Runs the risk of hard blows to the head
And injury to my parts down south
I must say that in my four score years I've done it all and seen it all,
But in the autumn of my life, noxious noises drive me up the wall!
I like the soothing sound of most music and birds trilling in the trees,
But, Lord, spare me the wheezing of those bagpipes, if you please!
I like the sound of thunder and the rain falling softly on my roof,
But I could strangle the neighbor for letting his mutt yap and woof!
I can tolerate classical music until the prima donna Madame Zaria,
Begins to belt out her raucous contralto in an intolerable aria!
A most trying nuisance and I suppose one of my biggest gripes,
Are kids with boom boxes and their jalopies with those roaring pipes!
I don't mind the occasional rumbling of a train or the screaming jets,
But when dining I suffer acid reflux hearing inane cell phone vignettes!
I've got a bone to pick with the inventor of the wailing saxaphone!
That and the squeaking of a clarinet are more than I can condone!
I like western musical harmony sung by "The Sons Of The Pioneers."
But spare me those "She Done Me Wrong Songs" - they aggravate my ears!
Why can't folks keep their cats inside so they aren't yowling on my lawn,
And a hex on the dude revving his Harley Davidson waking me at dawn!
I reckon before I blow a gasket or worse yet lose my poise,
I'd better rush out and buy some ear plugs to stifle that noxious noise!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Not everyone's enamoured by my humour
At risk of my head being bopped
Say things in jest that are taken as serious
Chancing a punch in the chops
Like when I once said to a very large lady
Pressing two in the up elevator
“That's just one floor, you coulda walked!”
Almost ended up on the floor
Another time down in Old Cape Cod
In a store getting out of the sun
A lady knocked over a large display stand
Yelled “Now look what you've done!”
Dear Cathie turned ten shades of purple
She was just about to blow a gasket
However, luckily cooler heads prevailed
Considered myself quite fortunate
“Look before you leap” as the saying goes
Often insert my foot in my mouth
Runs the risk of hard blows to the head
And injury to my parts down south
© Jack Ellison 2013
When I was teenboy, nothing else mattered
Than making out in the back of a Chevy
With a gorgeous young hottie with boobs to die for
Breathing became rather heavy
Now I'll try to behave coz the censors are watching
And your computers will probably short circuit
With the powers vested in me, I'll try to behave
But it'll be quite a challenge I'll admit
All my many friends I have here on the Soup
Are aware of my penchant for the naughty stuff
After all what's life about but to wiggle and jiggle
While parading around town in the buff
So far the censors haven't any reason to complain
I've been relatively prim and proper
But I sure can't keep this up indefinitely though
I'll blow a gasket as I get all hot and bothered
Eventually though, I catch hold of myself
Since a teenboy, I've actually learned self-control
Can now walk down the street without molesting girls
And the drooling I've controlled on the whole
So in closing I'll say this, my very good friends
There should be a law that allows us guys
The freedom to molest hot voluptuous young fillies
And make out in the back of a Chevy as a prize
© Jack Ellison 2016
We were kids, we had our squabbles
I'd have a fit, and run to tattle
A few disputes, a fib, a shout
Until mom would come to sort it out
Untangling kids she'd gladly strangle...
She'd send us off, to think, or pout
But you were my star,… so tall you stood…
And .. 'though I tried to reach that far
I never could-
Oh sure, I was little, and had laughed
at my attempts to do a task
I'd blow a gasket, but soon I slipped
into my teens...
And then so fast, the time had passed
and you were off to see the world-
And how I longed, to have you back.
While looking back, I see more clearly
and loved you dearly, for being there...
For being fair, for being you...
And something else. Did I tell you?...
You were my idol
You were my hero, you made me proud
I'll say it now, I'll say it loud
that you still do.
Did you know…. My darling brother,
all my life, as we were growing
I looked to you, to make me climb
a little higher, and all that time
I saw the world, a little better
I looked to you, a little older
to make me try a little harder
For, I was shy...and you were not,
You gave me goals, to reach the spot...
To try my best, to reach the gold
As we got older, it was so clear.
And we grew near, so very near
Which says a lot.
You were my star, and you still are
You helped me know, you helped me grow
Did you know you had inspired
that little spark…
Did you know how I much admired?
How much the years gave me the fire
To keep alive that little fire, and how I
….strive
…… to toe the mark ?
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
Don't try it, you might blow a gasket
There's a bunch of other stuff you should know
Before they put you in a casket
Greece's anthem has over a hundred verses
The seventh inning must take forever
The eye of an ostrich is bigger than its brain
They've got nice personalities however
A goldfish memory is only three seconds
Damn it, can't remember the next line
There are over 300 dimples on a golf ball
I'm going to start counting mine
If they didn't add colouring to Coca-Cola
It'd be a ghastly shade of green
Cockroaches live nine days without their head
So they don't have a mouth to scream
A starfish apparently doesn't have a brain
Called one of my buddies a “Starfish”
He really thinks I'm paying him a compliment
Some days he can be quite thickish
If you bang your head against a brick wall
You use up 150 calories an hour
Milk that's been sitting in the sun for days
Is most likely the ultimate in sour