Long Abner Poems

It started with a phone call on that cold October night. The deputy from Dibbly, Billy Joe - was on the line.
Told me he was callin’ out the local “rescue squad” to help with finding...

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I heard, a couple days ago, the Austin Armadillos 
spent thirty million dollars for some slugger named Peru
Whose last year’s on-base-average, from the year before, had doubled 
from a pretty wimpy POINT-O-ONE - to a...

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Opening Day with a Little Delay

Take me out to the ball game
 Of balls and strikes - bloopers and perfect games; 
 Basket catches, ERA’S, country hardball;
 Foul balls, the pick off, intentional walk, the...

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...Emmet just sat down on a bench,
And gratefully took his boots off,
Just stretched himself out there to rest,
for the moment it was enough.

The woman seemed confused by this,
it was clear she expected rape,
but when the...

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After moments she shook her head,
then moved over to the brick hearth,
a strew cooked over glowing coals,
she threw more spuds in for her part.

Then came over to the main room,
and sat herself down on a...

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...Emmet would converse with Sophie,
pretend he was a normal man,
while April and Abner slipped away…
young infatuation was grand.

And after their third time out there
April and Abner were engaged,
not coincidently there
was a new baby on the...

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His name was Emmet Patterson,
and back in 1863,
he led a cavalry unit
patrolling deep in Tennessee.

The state was firm in Union hands,
Tte Civil War in its third year,
but the threat of partisan raids
meant that he was...

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...The devil didn’t hide, he strutted right out,
a smile painted on his red face.
“Why my dear sheriff, how in the world
Did you ever find my new place?”
Abner stared on, seething with hate.

“An old friend told...

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In eighteen hundred ninety-three,
back in those silver-mining days,
a figure walked into Aspen town,
and it was the devil they say,
come looking for new souls to take.

He didn’t look like you would think,
the first time he appeared.
He...

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Oh… how I miss that time! With it’s Saturday morning cartoons.
Not to mention, daily comics stolen from Papa’s newspaper, too!
Saturday was way better! With Snoopie, Little Abner, and friends.
Now I can’t find a newspaper! Or...

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When the Boss Says, “See me”

By Elton Camp

Abner eyed the sticky note on his report with unease
In twenty years with the firm, hadn’t seen one of these

Grapevine was saying the boss had a nephew to...

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Abner; 
So beautiful like a sitting doll
How sweet your smile
That can go thousand miles
You are a joy that one can admire

Don’t let that growing desire
Flush like a dying lion
Be that beautiful apron
That one can be...

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It was a sore battle,
Though without Mr pistol.
'Twas between Saul and David,
Though saul's dead,but,breath yet,David.
It was so intensed,that even lion,
Gossip the ocean of blood that flow from their loin.
Abner was by war bethroted to saul's...

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David gat himself up and wives,
And did in transportation thrive.
That the philistines had governed,
Isreal,Hebron,and all urban.
Then he entreated God for his land,
And the Lord was entreated of him.
Thousands of souls paid homage to his hand,
As...

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Lil Abner

There was never a feature in all the world,
Like "Lil Abner" for chasing the blues,
It takes this romantic comic strip,
To really make the news!

I'm always quite excited when our
"Press" lands against the door,
To see...

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For forty-three years Lil Abner ignored the voluptuous Daisy Mae
In Al Capp’s comic strip about the good folks of Dogpatch USA
I remember as a child thinking all women should look like she.
And wondering why he...

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