Kippered Poems


Saddled With Onus of Penury No More First Plea

Good n plenti riches abound
unreachable to gentle
hermit while aboveground,
human ship of state 
fore'er stranded aground
only thru death do him part will
his grievous soul get spirited airbound

chokehold sensation ceased when freedom
against debtor's prison unshackled
humongous human corporeal being all around
to little monetary largesse
arrived too late to astound
pipe dream eternally left within background
jackass kippered, milquetoast pockmarked,

Goliath scarred, voodoo battleground
visible near completely bloody lovely bones
partly denuded flesh
buried shallow belowground
scouting, scenting, scrabbling
one after another bloodhound
clamors leaps and doth bound

nosing, trumpeting, yelping...
despite snout muzzled reinforced brassbound,
no deterrent grisly bared, limp, lifeless body
sacrificed at skull and bones campground,
despite decay tell tale 
hunch unearthed mound
picked over remains evince sound
Categories: kippered, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form: Enclosed Rhyme

Thanks I Owe

We boarded a train to King's Cross
with connections to Gatwick and onward.
Just passed Thirsk I noticed a loss.
Where was my briefcase? I felt kippered.

No tickets. No passports. What next?
We'd have to get off at York and return
to Northallerton. I was utterly vexed.
Then we found Kevin and shared our concern.

He told us the time (also the platform)
just half-an-hour hence. How I was chilled
numb with anxiety, lost in a storm,
would all we had planned for not be fulfilled?

Then Kevin found us, explaining he'd phoned
Northallerton ticket office – it was there.
Our holiday was no longer postponed;
what relief. There wasn't even a fare,

for Kevin countersigned both our tickets.
Off to Canada we were on our way.
Arriving home it was time for credits,
how to thank Kevin for saving the day?

So the rail company's website I found
but only a form for complaints to make.
There I conveyed our gratitude profound
for Kevin's support after my mistake.

But who was the stranger who handed in
my valued possessions for safe keeping?
               never to know
               the thanks I owe.
Categories: kippered, anxiety, confusion, holiday, thanks,
Form: Quatrain


Seasick

There was a professor morbidly obese
A condition he was anxious to breach.
His students tried to help
By giving him kippered kelp.
Now he’s too sick to be able to teach.
Categories: kippered, humor,
Form: Limerick
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