Meet the mad, manic, Mister Murgatroyd
An undynamic blistered humanoid
A curred curmudgeon you don't want to meet
In a bar, back alley, or dead end street
He's a filthy, flagrant, flatulent fart
Sewer rat mind and tarantula heart
Cleaves cuddly kittens, feeds them to guppies
Pet pranks the pet shop, punting the puppies
He's our white whale and our snake in the grass
A demon from hell, one pain in the ass
His black, rotten heart's beyond all belief
We need good karma to offer relief
Slurp burping some soup, soup wouldn't swallow
Burp slurping for breath, death would soon follow
A lone chicken bone was lodged in his throat
His face had changed tone and started to bloat
No one there for the Heimlich maneuver
Cuz no one cared from here to Vancouver
No smelling salts would be administered
No certificate of death was registered
They scrambled his brains to stop his last twitch
Then scraped his remains, dropped him in a ditch
A soulless soul and one sorry old sot
Heavens to Murgatroyd?... Heaven thinks not!
Our holiday family gatherings instill traditional values and are totally itchin’
What we do the day after Thanksgiving is give mom a break from the kitchen
We head out to our favorite spot, “The Poop Deck” a rock’n café that’s coolsville
In Dad’s flip flop, we take the 5 South Highway and over the Santa Monica, S hill
People believe the reason for the crazy name, is because it’s where seagull’s poo
Gosh, it’s a nautical term for upper deck, like a ship, on the ocean off Malibu
Don’t be square Dad, this tank goes faster than twenty, heavens to murgatroyd!
A real drag when we finally got there, I got a spanking; Dad was super annoyed
flip top - a car with a convertible top*
Murgatroyd-A humorous alteration of the idiom "heavens to Betsy"
(Poetry left out the letter B on the first line)
Semi-creatively, Ludwig von Bethovan
sat in his music room, sucking his thumb.
Heavens to Murgatroyd! After four symphonies
more could be asked of me? Da Da Da-Dum
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