Fecking Poems

Anastasia

She came to me under tired eyelids.
I never actually met her.
Aunt Anastasia;
quite a common name
for an Irish dame.

She arrived with her long gray hair
flowing like silver moonlight.
She had nothing much to say
but she said it anyway.

Not a very eloquent
or beautiful ghost,
she probably have scared herself to death
pondering on God's wrath.
However she was my aunty
so I welcomed her politely.

As she departed
walking upon spectral clouds
into the midnight blue
she turned just once around
and said:
Who the fecking hell are you?

Nawty There

Nawty There
How can I address you properly?
You can't take off my dress
You nawty child
You've gotten her pregnant!
Get out of this house now
He was pulling one off
And pulled a muscle
It was a power shaft
She always upsets him
Only coz she loves him
The concept of time
Meant nothing when fecking
They worked as pilots
For the Arkansass National Guard

Sin

Was it worth it fecking Sinjin Hawke
When you could’ve been with Stringfellow?
But the lure of drugs in the Golden triangle
So much better and a guy with an edge

Purple Guinea Pig

Purple Guinea Pig
Growl growl bite bite goes the guinea pig
As she rips out your fecking throat
The fierce guinea pig purple in colour
Not to be fecked with or name called
She'll hunt you down and kill ya!
And talks like a real American
The purple guinea pig who growls
Straight from the chest
Hear her and you're screwed
Get ready to be eaten
Purple guinea pig style!



CC 191 2020 
JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX

Tessas Thighs

Tessa's Thighs
Hey Tessa babe come and kill me with your sexy oversize thighs! The CIA is after you. Reason: your oversize thighs! I see you in your cut down jeans. So awesomely fecking sexy. 

See the curve of your tailpipe where there's no material, your table top lips tight against the fabric curtains. You need a licence for your sweetie leisure centre body. You age 170. 

I know many men who want a piece of you. I do. As does my wife. How will you both be, between one another's thighs on the river? Your dear darling do not moan that you have a top body, ace thighs and no licence to use it. 

I'll give you false ID so I can legally use you, be between your hot oversize cupboards my dear Tessa. You'll enjoy your pussy cat bite being nibbled and my big cockerel up your light bulb. Over and over again.



Second Shadow
Jimmy Boom Semtex

Who I Could Be

I meant to do something else
Instead of turning my life to 
Destroying myself by my teenage moods
I left the Air Cadets in late summer 88

I went crazy in my own head
Something went pop and I cracked
And never recovered not 3 decades on
I should've been an Air Force brat

Today I saw the local cops muster
Their Captain paraded them
Any issues would be raised
For we are in a national lock down here
This damn fecking virus ruining the world
I remember ruining my teen years

By leaving the cadets and not joining up
My dad said I refused to go
He was right in that regards
Why did my head go bang in 88?

Things only got worse after that
Two very bad years but I recovered
I am who I am now but 
Not who I could've been
An Air Force brat...


Incident Report 74399 2020 
JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX

Devil:Marlboro Black

Devil:Marlboro Black
It started with a knock at the door
And a polite request to go with them
If there was any resistance it was dealt with
By taser or silenced pistol
Those taken are cuffed and led to a van
Thrown into the back then roughed up
They won’t see their loved ones again
First they’re processed
Then interrogated
Beaten some more
Locked in a cell
Totally fecking naked
Fed bread and water
Filmed for propaganda
Then cleansed
Existing no more…






Juniper’s Daughter: Fookin' Weech

Nick Armbrister

Obsessed

Incident Report 74399 2020 
JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX
 


Obsessed with speed
I was that 
Round the dial
Engine fecking screaming

Me racing them
Or just myself
Not ever stopping
After we collided

Something about movement
Positive insane velocity
I could drive
Surely the best

Crap limited cars
Only slowed me
Past all limits
How I grin

My workmate screams
Watch the lorry!!!
I swerve by
We speedily escape

Till the crash
Which patiently waits
To painfully end
All my fun

Floor the pedal
Skid swerve race
I refuse slowness
Pushing one litre

Risking old banger
Put me there
Behind the wheel
I'll ing drive

A man possessed
By my shadow
So much speed
Don't dare worry

For little me
Or my casualties
Eat my dust
Hear tires squeal

Smell rubber burn
There goes Jimmy
Crazy ing nutter!
Passionate to race

Open road track
Safety not included
An opponent needed
Or just myself

Again cheating death
For how long?

Elect Him

You elected him again. Are you fecking mad? You remember how he brought in benefit sanctions that led to many suicides? A bedroom tax that broke so many single people. Cutting our armed forces past the bone. 

He only looks after himself and his own interests. And now you did the unthinkable. You all voted Cameron the cant back into power for five more long years. What will be left in the end? 

Nothing but an empty country, broken promises and a fat **** politician sat on his own throne. You all failed this time. And you're fecked.

Fire Extinguisher Man 5

I think you're full of . Selfish big style men in suits.
The games you play ing suck. You're bloody amateurs. 
Underground sex and getting it on. Are you for real?
Next time invite me. Or else it's jiving devil time at your expense.
Every jealous man is dangerous. I'm your worst enemy times a ton.
So sit tight and get scared. I'm the angry  to fear most. 
Ignore my threat at your peril. Please do so and it's party time.
Sweet revenge is mine. Like roping your sister good and slow.
Sexy sister agreed to my terms and went along. Then begged me for more.
How's that for starters? You corporate fecking whores who want analytic action.
I will win because I'm me. The badass redneck writer from the Badlands.
Take care and watch your back. Feel free to arm yourselves and prepare for war!

He Who Drinks

See how the alcoholic wants his drink. He's got a black can of strong cider. He's in the queue behind me. I sense his agitation. He fidgets, moving from one foot to the other. 

I must have my drink!
 
His eyes fixed upon the cashier and customers. I'm getting my shopping. I make the alkie wait. Feck him. When I've paid, it's his turn. I carry my bags and leave. He hurries past me, a spring in his step. 

I hear a pfft as he opens his cider and drinks while still in the store. We leave the shop. He's with his friend. It's a one sided friendship. I watch him hurry happily away. Oldham's finest. 

Fecking loser.

Bike Rider Wrapped Round Tractor Tyre

There are people who drive tractors for a living
There are people who ride motorcycles fast
There are times when the two meet
There are times when those meetings are bad
There are times when it's fecking carnage 
There are times when the bike rider dies
There are times when he's wrapped round the back wheel
There are times when the bike hits the tractor at 200mph
There are times when both fuel tanks explode
There are times when they miss one another
There are times when the bike drives slowly
There are times when speed limits are respected 
There are times when no road laws are broken
There are times when zero accidents take place
There are times when people are sensible
There are times when we all live in fantasy
There are times when we hope this becomes true



F*cking Upside Down In a Blazing Avro Manchester Bomber – Poems from My Life and More 

Nick Armbrister

Level

Level
Four minutes to do what you want
What ya gonna do?
Listen to a pop song
Get half a ********
Smoke a cigarette
Drive round the block
Read two pages of a book
Do fifty press-ups
Recite a poem or two
Watch most of Tom and Jerry 
Fly a fuelled up Meserschmitt 163
Queue for a news paper
Chat up your friend’s wife
Have a short nap
Take a few photos on your phone
Say Hi to a stranger
Check your emails
Get bitten by a venomous snake
Write a letter to your mum
Take the dog a walk
Do some mediation to prepare
Or do what in four short minutes
There’s so much you can do
When the nuclear attack warning sounds
And you have just four minutes to live
Before you’re horribly killed
By the fecking bomb...


from Side of the Hill – Varied Poems...  Nick Armbrister

Soviet Jet

Soviet Jet
Soviets are like mosquitoes
Always there in the environment
There’s no escape from them
They get in your head

So they rule you remorsessly
By power of paranoia
A bite is a bullet
An infection is a bomb

A disease is a nuclear blast
Mosquitoes are Russians
Russians are mosquitoes
Waiting to be eradicated

By a superior power
Always ready for war
Endless circle of deceit
Mosquito flight round you

Looking for an opening
To attack you
While you sleep
The Russian way

Keep you off guard
Then get you
But not if we strike
And drain their pond

Spray them with insecticide
So they never breed again
No more Novichok
Or nukes or bio weapons

Finally we are safe
Except from our own
FECKING PARANOIA!!!






from Side of the Hill – Varied Poems...  Nick Armbrister

Hagley

i remember back in 06 i worked in a warehouse
it was for a store that sold varied things
there were varied staff in several departments
we had a boss who was a real hag and she ruled us
like adolf hitler ruled occupied europe
iron fist and no carrot
so you can imagine what i thought
as i got to know her ways
i eventually left as did a dozen other staff
leaving the store with a skeleton crew
head office did an investigation into this
it was due to the manager who was a real !
she was both my manager and area manager
so if i had a problem and reported her
it was the bizarre situation of reporting her to herself!
a surreal investigation into herself
i wonder where she is now my old manager
still giving her staff absolute hell?
A real fecking stroppy madam 
i've never met a hag like her...



Gatoros and Crocos: Lower Case Murky Poems and Ditties 

Nick Armbrister

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