Best Fecking Poems

Purple Guinea Pig
Growl growl bite bite goes the guinea pig
As she rips out your fecking throat
The fierce guinea pig purple in colour
Not to be fecked with or name called
She'll hunt you down and kill ya!
And talks like a real American
The purple guinea pig who growls
Straight...

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Tessa's Thighs
Hey Tessa babe come and kill me with your sexy oversize thighs! The CIA is after you. Reason: your oversize thighs! I see you in your cut down jeans. So awesomely fecking sexy. 

See the curve of your tailpipe where there's no material, your...

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I can't stop these fecking images
I can't top the excitement they bring
I don't go looking for them
It's all the god danged TV sings

It's all that's on (I gotta watch)
It's all that's wrong (I'm gonna watch)
It's all we see (not gonna stop)
It's all we need (who's...

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Alas,  me dove
the Arish roots I love
Hae dwindled to spindley cobwebs
hanging from me name even.
There’s no love sounded in Stephen.
So be dog wide when you say it laddie
or a knuckle sandwich is your due.
There now, I have said it, so I have
without the flags...

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Dear mother, can you remember me
here a clue my name begins with d
the one you left so you could be free

Try to explain, you’ll be told
TO FECK UP

Thou in life I have failed
at least I tried, you fecking bailed

Dear Cathy, do you like to joke?
I...

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I think you're full of . Selfish big style men in suits.
The games you play ing suck. You're bloody amateurs. 
Underground sex and getting it on. Are you for real?
Next time invite me. Or else it's jiving devil time at your expense.
Every jealous man is...

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I meant to do something else
Instead of turning my life to 
Destroying myself by my teenage moods
I left the Air Cadets in late summer 88

I went crazy in my own head
Something went pop and I cracked
And never recovered not 3 decades on
I should've been an...

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There are people who drive tractors for a living
There are people who ride motorcycles fast
There are times when the two meet
There are times when those meetings are bad
There are times when it's fecking carnage 
There are times when the bike rider dies
There are times when...

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See how the alcoholic wants his drink. He's got a black can of strong cider. He's in the queue behind me. I sense his agitation. He fidgets, moving from one foot to the other. 

I must have my drink!
 
His eyes fixed upon the cashier...

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Devil:Marlboro Black
It started with a knock at the door
And a polite request to go with them
If there was any resistance it was dealt with
By taser or silenced pistol
Those taken are cuffed and led to a van
Thrown into the back then roughed up
They won’t see their...

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Incident Report 74399 2020 
JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX
 


Obsessed with speed
I was that 
Round the dial
Engine fecking screaming

Me racing them
Or just myself
Not ever stopping
After we collided

Something about movement
Positive insane velocity
I could drive
Surely the best

Crap limited cars
Only slowed me
Past all limits
How I grin

My workmate screams
Watch the lorry!!!
I...

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Level
Four minutes to do what you want
What ya gonna do?
Listen to a pop song
Get half a ********
Smoke a cigarette
Drive round the block
Read two pages of a book
Do fifty press-ups
Recite a poem or two
Watch most of Tom and Jerry 
Fly a fuelled up Meserschmitt 163
Queue...

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Soviet Jet
Soviets are like mosquitoes
Always there in the environment
There’s no escape from them
They get in your head

So they rule you remorsessly
By power of paranoia
A bite is a bullet
An infection is a bomb

A disease is a nuclear blast
Mosquitoes are Russians
Russians are mosquitoes
Waiting to be eradicated

By a...

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Nawty There
How can I address you properly?
You can't take off my dress
You nawty child
You've gotten her pregnant!
Get out of this house now
He was pulling one off
And pulled a muscle
It was a power shaft
She always upsets him
Only coz she loves him
The concept of time
Meant nothing when...

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Maybe one day it will all be alright
Maybe one day I'll figure life out
Maybe one day I'll understand myself
Maybe one day life will give me its answers
Maybe one day I'll ask the right questions
Maybe one day I'll find out the reason why
Maybe one day all...

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