Under the pouring rain,
I no longer have thoughts of you
Or of your lingering presence
And your condemning silence.
To live another day without you
Feels easier as I stand drenched.
Under the pouring rain,
I could look back at history
And not feel the wrenching pain in my chest
Or the knot in my throat.
I could think of you with tenderness
And not of the hurtful things you've done.
Under the pouring rain,
I am no longer homesick for your arms
Or for my name to be called out again.
I could feel relieved to have freed from memories of you,
To have forgotten your voice
And your smile that once meant the world.
The hate in me grows like ivy.
They fear my claws and my fangs;
The same they were once proud of.
This bloody ravenous wolf-like rage,
This insatiable thirst for vengeance,
Is all that I know of.
What a vile, monstrous ugly thing it was
To have been my father's child.
I did great today.
I saw pride in the faces of people I loved.
I saw them open their arms
For a hug, for a pat on my back.
Cheers, smiles and praises greeted me
As I walked past them all.
I saw faces I loved
But I was searching for yours.
In the midst of the crowd,
My eyes scanned for you
Hoping in the slightest you'd be there,
Hoping that perhaps you would've forgotten it all
To see me win.
I wish you saw,
I wish you saw how much I achieved,
And how great I did today.
My real daddy often makes me want to beg and cry.
My sugar daddy often makes me want to try to die.
My stoner daddy often strongly refuses to even try.
Burying it was so easy,
momentarily relieving.
Burying it protected me,
from the inevitable responsibility,
of doing the necessary.
Burying it gave me space,
to experience bliss,
that I wouldn't have felt worthy of,
in another state.
Burying it made it look over,
closed, healed,
a past chapter,
One from which I heed.
Burying it did nothing,
but make it worse,
because now that it's out again,
I feel I have to validate,
all the happiness I had had.
It's all gone,
I knew it deep inside,
that it would last only a while,
I tried to hide,
but the time is nigh,
I'm afraid
For many years we'd not seen eye to eye with my Father
Maybe because I feel He's not here when I need Him
Or maybe because He's far away that's why we distant
And I didn't think He'll hear if I'll call out to Him
I've been at cross roads with my Dad
That for many years I didn't step foot in His House
Thinking that this is my way to get back at Him
While it's clear I'm the one hurting, drifting from the light
I was jealous at times to see him helping my brothers & sisters
While He's not given me a reply to my prayer
Maybe because that's a way of Him teaching me a lesson
Hoping that that would make me come back to Him
I was hurt when things are going on well for me,
Only for my health to go bad that it slows down my progress
Making me leave it all in frustration
Not knowing if I'll ever get back to my path
But this year I turned back and went before Him
Hoping that I'll be forgiven so that He takes me in
Cause I'm broken and I've lost pieces of me
But I know He alone can piece me back to whole again
The PO£T
Look dad, I know you didn’t mean to walk out the door.
Look dad, you would never leave your daughter.
Look dad, I’m so mad
Look dad, you broke my heart.
Look dad, I’m scared she will leave.
Look dad, I don’t trust people.
Look dad, you left.
Look dad, I’ll be a better daughter.
Look dad, come back.
Look dad, I miss your hugs.
Look dad, I miss your cooking.
Look dad, I grew up.
Look dad, I'm happy.
Look dad, I trust someone.
Look dad, I let someone in.
Look dad, I’m doing it without you.
Look dad, I don’t need you.
World is full of witches
I'd love to write on them with stitches
Would you like to talk about your daddy issues,
I got time, lets break out some tissues
You say you want honesty
Your reaction while receiving is deceiving
Your say you and your man share many loving moods
Why am I sitting at a bar watching you hit on another dude
Yours is at home, if he knew he'd regret
Waiting for you in front of your television set
When you come home tossed
He'll make you food while you feel lost
You know you should give yourself to him
Your denying him the right to get in
You want him to beg for you
Just keep doing what you chose
Your love soon enough will be dismissed
He wont be around to kiss.
Happens with one man, ok
Happens with the second man..eh
Happens with the third man, yikes
Maybe a therapist in your future isn't out of sight
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