catastasis of emotions spiral down
until the pain magnifies itself
too hard to breathe, she takes a knife
touches it against her flesh, slices deep
emotions bleed themselves dry
release the pain from within
she puts on her fake smile and hides the deed
(inspired by a conversation with Timothy Hicks, I know much about that topic because that was me at the age of 10, when my grandmother died and i was forced to be at home, unloved...a cinderella as my God parents called me...I learned how to bleed in poetry as a release, but cutting is an actual disease and they do not know how to release the pain, the pain of the cut releases something that makes them feel good...temporarily, no one ever knows the wounds, they hide them well behind layers of clothes and fake smiles!)
There swims in each of us, a catalyst for dreams,
an urgency that calls from shores that never were,
a twinge of terror, lining distant paradise,
uniquely all one's own.
No one knows where all this comes from.
Oh, perhaps it is innate desire
to temper every fortune
with a modicum of pain, a hint
that if we know that all is not quite well,
we simply shrug it off
and chase the angst away.
First sight became
a theatre of absolute deliciousness,
a goddess with the right excess
of pulchritude to send
my conscious spirit spinning off
on errands of delight, my body
journeying a fantasy of flight with her,
for no one else created in a smile
such sinister conspiracy of mirth.
It was not she who cowered
at the brutish mien
so tactfully unroared,
but I, the ingenue, who saw
the beast had not consumed her; no,
he lurked there in her carnal confidence,
his quivering claws impatient
for contumely, catastasis
and my condign consent.
~