Blotto Poems

At what age should I tell my dog he's adopted?
Don't want him to start drinking, and getting el blotto
He was bought at a store
And even what's more
He isn't a human though he tries to act macho




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The reindeer and Santa proceed at a canter
On a sleigh made of magical wood
They’ve gone to fill shelves with gifts made by elves
For all the kids that have been good

At home in the grotto, the elves are all blotto
They found...Read More

You’ll find this disgusting, but Rudolph was busting
He peed in that fish pond of mine
But it wasn’t tragic, cos Rudolph is magic
And he piddles sparkling wine

The water went hazy, my goldfish went crazy
And splashing all over the place
It’s true, don’t...Read More

When all the town was swathed in dark,
she took a walk towards the park,
and sat upon a bench to ponder
the things that made her heart grow fonder.

She smiled at last, despite herself,
and realised she loved an elf;
she'd met him, at...Read More

When my eyes start to dim, gonna get into the gin
Don't want to be lucid when my days start to thin 
Wanna be blotto
Sure ain't macho
To be surprised when with a young filly I'm kibbitzin...Read More

Elvis with a twist
I am caught in a trap
I can’t walk out 
because I’ve got no money
why can’t you see your annoying me
you don’t listen to a word I say
we can’t go on together I want 
to build my own...Read More

    I am the only wine
    Strong enough to make you blotto,
    The only cure to your illness.
    I know thou art mighty and strong
   ...Read More

You say it’s hella dope to meet me
And all I have to say
It’s hella dope to meet you too
And you’re getting hella dope today

No, this won’t be memorable
Of this you can be sure
If your disease is reality
Then I’ve got the...Read More

You're really not drunk if you can lie on the floor
“Without holding on” good for a couple of beers more
Till your mind goes blotto
Your name you forgot-o
Promise to stop drinking, gonna start tomorrow




...Read More

Do you know why us guys have happy faces
Beer is for sale in supermarkets, good gracious
Here in Ontario
A bit backward I know
Even grandmas can get blotto and walk around aimless




...Read More

There once was a lass from Toronto
Loved being ridden like a bucking bronco
Enjoyed a rough ride
“Ride 'em cowboy” she cried
Till her senses they became totally blotto


© Jack Ellison 2015




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I may be all wet, but I sure ain't no bluenose!
And, while it's none of my beeswax,
Let's have a bull session-lesson !
Take a gander around, and tell the guy with the cheaters
I'll give him an ear-full, if he'll just hang...Read More

Balancing Act. 

When crossing the bridge I met a fairly famous poet,
he was balancing the bridge´s railing, absorbed in total 
concentration; under him the river flowed white and wild. 
Then he jumped to safety and collapsed, this because
he was blotto,...Read More

My basin of gravy has the worst raspberry tart...

My baby has the worst farts(translation)

My man's ian beale blotto, so 'es intercity is spent...

translation:  My man's real drunk, so he's spent his money....Read More

4. Insurance agents
    make safe arrangements
    for you and your family.
    So, in case, you go BLOTTO!
    at home, in the auto, 
    rest assured...Read More

Drains so sleepy.
Dreams so smelly.
Waking in the kitchen
face-down on the telly...
...Read More