Best Toffs Poems

A party of toffs all so snotty

was crashed by a yokel so naughty.

After passing much gas,

this guy with no class

took a dump left unflushed in the potty.


(for those who may not know: Toff is a person of high-class society

 a Yokel is an uneducated, unsophisticated...

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TRENCHANT WENCH FROM THE UNROMANTIC MIDLANDS


In the pub, I serve out the pints
My comely bosom gives a hint of home
And what men are escaping from – dreary sex
With housewives who scour the sink with vigour

Trim the joint and lard the fowl
Gristles of fat clinging to...

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Ladies dress up, looking their best
Pretty clothes chosen just to impress

Perfumed and pretty the ladies in high heels
Their menfolk  look keen and prepare to do deals

It’s Ladies Day, at Ascot,  an important event
For spending one’s money and not paying the rent

The crowd roars...

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What the Butler Heard
Extract from a memoir

Lord Illustrious Penge of Lampwicker Hall,
Welcomed local Toffs, to his Name-Dropper ball.
Noses upturned with a touch of conceit,
Hob-Knobbing with gentry and gentleman elite.
Colonel recalled, his luncheon with Churchill,
Discussing backbenchers and a new Commons bill.
Shooting down Stukas, Captains claim to...

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Privately educated, privileged backgrounds .……no problem per se …….…but ......we're led by these plum in mouth toffs by the troughful.…... their snouts in the pockets of the electorate, creaming the real workers of cash for taxes .…....so long as they're okay with backhanded deals and...

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I knew my ancestry and my dad was a joiner,
But verged on disowning my mum for labour,
Not married in history yet throbbing with spark, 
Love, truth, kindness fibered the gelled dark.

A stunner - intelligent, muscular but sensitive,
The royal in me saw the people as plaintiff,
As...

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My granddaughter loves me,

that's all I need to know.

I will  let  the toffs and profs

who came my way now  go.

For all their disparagement

why should I have the slightest care?

My granddaughter loves me

and everything is fair.

Then hark  my dear detractors,

and there are...

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Brexit Sonnet No. 46
‘A Brexit Gift’
 

What larks! A Brexit gift with double bow,
A tale of two shires with border slung between.
As cameras flash, a cashing stream doth flow
To feed and nourish London’s clear air dream. 
Have I missed a move, a deliberate flit,
To lands...

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Games not straight


Toffs on horses still killing foxes.
Boris parties while we put nans in boxes.          Chancellor won’t pay his rate.
I tell you now, the games not straight .

Palace pays millions to get rid.
Mum shops at food...

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Her Mam did for the rich Wool toffs, 
   days chocka block with chores.
Her fella was a plazzy gent— 
   A few jars opened doors.
								
 A proper jarg johnny he used;
   he thought hi’self real cool.
In the shade of...

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I love Mittens; they're so warm and cosy.
When harsh winds blow, that makes cheeks rosy
Thick woollen mittens do the trick
These are the hand warmers my hands pick.

Just slip your hand inside the mitt
The opening is like a slit
With a thumb at the side
Which your thumb...

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I read about a game of football, wondered whether it was real,
Did they really pause the fighting, For some festive time to steal?
Enemies the toffs invented, all were simply duty bound,
Will to win much evidence for, football empathy was found.
Sent out there to kill each...

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It could be true 

 I often wonder if there is a secret plot.
If the virus was human-made to reduce the number
of people living in poverty, and the old?
The minorities who live in inadequate cold housing have
high risk of catching the pest.
How can the poor...

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When do we knock off?
Home offices, not for toffs,
I stagger to the desktop,
Yikes, another job!
Guess it won't take me long,
Piss off my phone, should be my song,
We can afford gas for cars vehicular,
But not allowed anywhere particular,
So, we work in the home office,
Jobs designed for...

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Ale and horses

There was only one brewery in our hometown covering the whole district on flat-bed wagons with 50 horses
to get work as a driver was a sought-after occupation
when crates had been delivered at one grocer there was 
usually the sharing of a bottle of...

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