Best Timepain Poems
Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and
read Part 2 to complete the poem and leave your comments on the Part 2 submission. Thank
you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain diminished
Me, Myself, and I...
“There are things that concern us,”
Consensed my “Selves” in earnest
““We” fear that “I” have succumbed to delusion”
“And after careful deliberation
It is with much hesitation
That we choose to delineate upon this confusion”
“Fact is your intuition
Is riddled with superstition
And your judgment leaves much to be desired”
“So you leave us no recourse
Don’t push us to use force”
It is then that the “I” was summarily fired
I exclaimed “By whose authority?” Response, “Rule of majority”
“The “Myself” and the “Me,” (forthwith the “We”), are experts in our field”
“And with much technique and time
And some forays into the sublime
The nature of your malady will be revealed”
“So to keep yourself from having a fit
Step back and just calm down a bit”
“We,” they said, “certainly have this under control”
“We swear this won’t hurt at all”
Then I felt my inhibitions fall
Still I said a prayer to God that He keep my soul
You know, fact is I do feel off axis
As evidenced by such parapraxis
As this prose that I, (or is it “Us”), seek to pen
And with my mind feeling numb
I finally chose to succumb
And allow the “Me” and the “Myself” to begin
And then came questions in a flurry
Answer, answer and please do hurry
Not one moment of respite did they give
They pushed and they prodded
With every “T” crossed and “I” dotted
My mind felt like it had gone through a sieve
And all this psycho-analysis
Is causing my mind paralysis
The questions, can you stop with the questions please
“Yes, oh yes indeed
I do believe we have what we need
To make an attempt to identify your unknown neuroses”
The days keep passing by
yet nothing seems to change
This endless tale of loneliness
gets lost up in the sky
Then that sky gets darker
the rain begins to fall
and suddenly it's clear to me
I should have seen before
every time you hurt me
the pain just makes me stronger
when you say you love me
I pretend that I don't care
I have my life to live
a story I must write
I have my past my present
and a future yet to live
each morning that I wake
the pain subsides a bit
each new memory I make
they all help me forget for
awhile
To find equanimity in a barren world, this is all I ever sought
struggling with these two emotions, I've always fallen short
happiness and sadness are life's struggles, challenging the very best
but the power to control these two forces, only in you does it rest
Trying to cope with sadness, and the fears you wear
always forced to conceal, those scars you bare
your smiles and forgetfulness, an attempt to escape
contours of pain mapped your heart, you'll never reshape
Feeling like a trapped animal, with no where to hide
tears of loneliness, solitude, are what echoes inside
you seek for a glimmer, any happiness to behold
without it, your life, long ago would you have sold
Then you receive, an email from a friend
this hope renews, your heart may yet mend
demeanor now changes, giving you new meaning for life
sadness has been temporarily cut, as with a sharp knife
As time passes, soon enough your pain does return
and with this passing day, tears again that burn
so once again you're stuck, a new device you seek
to remove this unpleasantness, feelings so bleak
Never ending cycles of discontent, this your daily chore
getting a handle to deal with it, or at least to ignore
a new sun will rise this day, from beyond that far shore
and with it a new happiness, may once again come to fore
Today I hurt you.
And tomorrow I will hurt you again.
I apologize, in advance, for the pain I have, had and will cause you.
For the days must be twice as long for you, wondering what you ever did to make me like
this towards you.
But don’t bother asking me.
I don’t know myself.
It comes over me, like a dream.
Coming and going, causing pain and hurt wherever it turns.
For nothing can stop this black flood that is turning my heart to tears.
Time, a human invention if ever there was one,
Though tiss laid blame or credit at the foot of a Supreme Being.
Time a vessel in which to pour our lives,
Time is a skin a measuring stick.
A something to pit one moment against another.
Time is one man's perception of motion,
against one woman's perception of reality.
Time is a tool yet is used as a cage.
How lost would we be if all the clocks ticks ran away with the tocks,
If they pulled down the shutters and headed for the docks.
Time does not heal pain but pain respects time as a coping strategy.
If we all did today what we did yesterday only better,
We would have moved in time but backwards.
Time can't measure the kiss or be home to the beat of a lover's heart.
The hour hand bent over and lifted me up to a high place and said.
"Wrap yourself in yesterday plan for tomorrow but live for today".
"I can see," said I, today is now and here, and I am alive.
This here this you this is us, this second is now so now is forever,
and as for the tomorrow well, tiss said that tomorrow never comes
Thought is a disorder an inheritance from the pain that's gone before
Close the door to though and you will feel pain no more
The silence that I feel is above the conjured image and the self will
I have found peace and calm at last and the beauty and love I thought was lost
Hush now you memory that dares to break this bliss
Like a snake it slithers in my mind with its ever present hiss
you think im happy, Doing the right thing, never have a doubt. Well my smile hides
everything that i dont tell you. You dont know how sad i am and what goes on in my head.
Ever looked into my eyes? Can you see the sadness;the pain of the past and the scares. Did
you know i cry myself to sleep almost everything night, i think about death and I sit and
grave yards. I do drugs and try to forget. I still sleep in your cloths and think of you
to sleep and I cry. Im really a rack but I hide it. i break down but i pull myself
together fast and move on. I think about killing myself because I cant take life most of
the time. i stand in the rain cuz i can cry without anyone knowing. I space out alot into
my own world of dark and death. As I write i wonder if life will get better..
i hide things from everyone and im good at it. I get up and put a happy face even though
Im dying inside. I made the promise not to hurt myself but its getting so hard to keep it.
It gives me strenth and freedom to know i can fight even if i want to give up. I hide
things behind my eyes and your are seeing lies. you dont know the pain i feel, the tears I
cryed and the scares I have. Family isnt right and I seem to be alone. They dont
understand and i cant explain it to them because ill get judged. I dont want to feel like
a out cast in my own home.
Why kick the girl that already down?? make fun of the one that trys to hide herself. talk
behind her back and kill her more. Even if shes already dying you just keep her down.....