Best Suing Poems
Written: October 10, 2023
Night Bewitches Sponsored by: Shadow Hamilton
A dream is a microscope through which we look at the hidden occurrences in our souls. Erich Fromm
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In the placidity of the night's embrace,
bewitched the cosmos with an arcane grace.
The moon, a silver orb, may induce its rise.
Oozing its ethereal aurora over the skies
Whispers of worm words waft on wafture wear,
As the stars spangle, their nexus is spare.
The night wiles with its vestigial spell,
Drawing us in, under a talisman dwell.
Penumbras plaster pegs poltergeists of trees,
The twilight augury decry casts souls at ease.
Geezers of nightgown awaken from slumber,
Suing solace in the Cimmerian shade to clamber
The eventide sky overawes with a cosmic array.
Stars bedazzle and coxswain us on our way.
Moonlight sumptuous aura in a gentle glow,
Steer us through the shadow as the nexus flows.
Ebony necromancy decry a glamorous sight.
Drawing us close to the serendipity of the night.
In this cosmic wee hour, dreams bear flight.
Our souls are raised, and our hearts blight.
So let us indulge in this nocturnal delight,
As dusk vamps, squirting a glamor of delight.
Let us wander in the moonlit haze,
As sableness susurrous surreptitious sprays
Wee crepuscule twiddles, a plum night symphony
Where conceit phantasm and verity shed sympathy
Allotting an awareness acumen ariose and aureate
Upon ubiquitous utters uncanny unsophisticate.
Paula Deen the Butter Queen
By Elton Camp and María Camp
She is the butter makers’ delight
To nutritionists, she is a fright
Krispy Kreme with eggs and bacon
Great health risks are thus taken
Her bacon cheeseburger meatloaf
Is perfect if you are a gigantic oaf
For a nation that is already too fat
She sees nothing wrong with that
People who her cookbooks buy
Eat such and may too soon die
She had diabetes for three years
With no caution to change gears.
Her cookbooks flying
Right off the shelf
Likely contributing
To early death
It tastes good, she decreed!
Many folks with her agreed
So many calories, but it is so good
Eat whatever you like is what you should
After her disease she finally shared
To represent a diabetes drug she dared
Cigarettes warn, but not Paula Deen
Of butter, sugar and fat – she is queen
To “that word” she admitted use
There are allegations of other abuse
One is suing and wanting some dough
Is this former employee in the know?
An awkward apology, she did make
How many attempts does it take?
One wonders if she is sincere
Or if it is just fear for career
Whatever happens in the days ahead
Is her heyday officially dead?
Don’t be quick to rule her out
She still has pull and clout
US President Donald Trump delivers!
Disappearing people,
people aren’t illegal
The inefficiency of DOGE
Nothing makes sense, it’s all a mirage
Ignoring the Supreme Court,
immigrant prisoner’s fees come up short
Drastic aid cuts kill people overseas,
bringing back rare disease
I’m not bashing the Trump agenda
Sipping a five-dollar coffee and Splenda
It’s inflation, and his
insatiable appetite for tariffs in other nations
Got his gimmick and applause
Worldwide leaders upset because
outrageously tariffed
Worse than even liberals predicted!
Firing government workers,
ridding twitter twerkers
Best say 2020 election was rigged,
and that other candidate cheated
Silicon Valley beware,
AI undermining gives a scare
Pardon the bad guys,
lock up innocent lives
Tariff-related market collapse,
Gerrymandering make new maps
Farmers forced to overregulate
Under lableing’s blind fate
Suing the media,
can’t fact check on Wikipedia
Bye bye D.O.D
end of US Army?
Rename it, department of war,
forget defense, think of horror
I mean, I could just keep going
Let’s see what is missing?
Government workers fired
Lack of qualified candidates hired
Take his family and RFK JR radical,
gets checks from pharmaceutical
Braking the law shooting-up everyday,
what would the dead Kennedy's say?
What isn’t missing is Trump in the White House
and his trophy wife spouse
And so instead of unabashedly bawling my eyes out
I’ll do what it takes to mellow doubt
That’s only half of it,
Melania spoke out, I’m now in a bad state of regret
Give me a drag—I need cigarette!
I wandered lonely as a cloud
Stop right there for crying out loud
Plagiarism is not allowed
You'll be lynched by the P.S. crowd.
Okay, to be or not to be
Now come on you're being silly
They'll complain and they'll be suing
Ask you what it is you're doing.
Start again and think real hard
Don't be stealing from the bard
I'm struggling, need some inspiration
To create a rhyme sensation.
Grey brick upon brick, I'm on my way
That sounds good what do you say
I think I've heard that one before
But don't stop now do give us more.
Problem is my muse has flown
She's left me struggling all alone
I've placed an advert in the Times
For a muse who's good at rhymes.
If one replies and answers back
I'll be on fire, back on track
But until then I'll have a rest
Then I'll be up there with the best.
For the purpose of this rhyme I've used three lines from three famous poets listed below.
William Wordsworth
William Shakespeare
and Louis MacNiece.
Written on 13th August for Nina Parmenters Rattling Rhyme contest.
There were three men who chased an emu.
He apparently escaped from the zoo.
Came the fourth with a net.
The emu he did get.
Last I heard the emu would sue!
*True story for Linda-Marie's contest. (except for the suing part) lol
Our Sid felt well-jaded
his sweat, it cascaded
he feared the end was well-nigh
his head was a-pounding
a hush ultra-sounding
he all but stared death in the eye
Steadily declining
whinging and whining
to the good wife, who had a short thread
she saw a good chance
eyed him askance
said: I'll book you a hospital bed
Afore rushed to hospital
sweated and spittled
he eyed her boobies in double-D vision
for sure he'd have flown
had he but known
he'd been booked for a quick circumcision
Foreshortened but sharper
wooed by nurse Harper
he contemplated suing for cash
with his wired-up jaw
he sipped through a straw
animal innards and veg pulped to mash
Nurse Harper, aflame
with nary no shame
tended his uncalled-for member renewal
she was drooling and crooning
and dream'ly swooning
admirin' his family jewel
In her somewhat dazed state
her aim was not straight
she inadvertently turned on the gas
his urge was to flee
of his wires wrenched free
maneuvered escape from the lass
From two storeys high
(a short distance to fly)
which in retrospect is soundly insane
he took a long jump
balls-down with a thump
now his crotch is perm'nently sprained
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For Joann's copycat's contest. Initially written by Sid, our mad poet. I copied the poem to my hard drive but somehow the title got lost. Maybe he can help us out with the title he used then. Sid, you're the bomb, me man!!!
“He glides into my parlour with his shades a tad too low
Saying can you clip my moustache, I like whisk ‘n’ show.
So I take out my old blade and nip and oops I think I missed
Now he’s suing me for having nicked his upper lip, he’s pissed.”
“She says I tried to kiss her in the most sensual way
Full of Scotch whisky drunk just because I wouldn’t pay.
I saw the old blade heading for my throat thinking a joke
But this old queen pissed her off because I thought her a bloke.”
© Harry J Horsman & Mystic Rose
I am so tired. I forgot to peel the banana.
I am suing Chakita for pain and suffering...
Johnny Rhinem. Will you marry me online?
L :)
9 out of 10 women
At my company
Accused me of sexual harassment
And are suing me
And I’m being sued for discrimination
By plain Jane my 10th employee
Not to sound so personal,
so hard to speak out of frozen cold,
but from old to young-
framed to freed...
From bossed to doodled,
to cop-land inside my noodle,
call me into the brewery-
set sights on chewing me,
because time is my only eulogy,
and your prank is not doing things.
Banging isn't what's new to me,
and you are not a tool to bring,
though you're not much weight-
so I can still sing,
I am just doing things,
you keep the hate as you're schooling me,
because in one more age we will truly breathe,
...One more phone call and you are suing things-
such as a bird with ugly wings,
the earth isn't turned to the burning its leafs,
and this wage I am paid isn't buying jewelry,
like lazy Lizardry, I wiggle at the spilling of things,
eye ball when I ruin the breeze-
in the aisle with a basket and some briefs.
In slumbering slope they lay,
their gaiety snores in rhythmic peaks of cadences,
The lily livered japes
Kings from central castings,
Heroes of one hour,
jostling for President with mere words
Resigned to bed now, save one.
Cowards, afraid of prison walls
seeking fame by fraud.
Oh Fame, how Disinterested
oh time, how revealing
motives concealed but not to all,
they were boys all along
impressing us by publicity
with drama for the surface
But the sternest stood alone
though jeered and calumniated, yet undeterred
taunted by the guns of the oppressors
marooned in their prison
confined to Abuja
denied of dignity
Yet his passion soars with coruscation of brilliancy
The quest for freedom stems from the heart
the cause for which he dared a tyrant
who sought a cause by a fraudulent jurist
to make him bend or make him bow.
unlike the cowards he never stooped,
he stirred the oppressed from their slumber,
and made some men by delayed revolution.
where are all the orators who came to bury Caesar by campaign?
They snore in the bedroom unaffected by the groaning of the people
some seeking publicity by suing twitter,
others purloining at the tables of business felons.
In the struggle for emancipation,
the boys are separated from the men.
Dedicated to Omoyele Sowore
The Nigerian Born Activist
who stood alone when other younger candidates resigned to fate after the fraudulent election that imposed Buhari
4/1/17
Flowers blooming
Spaced out or in a tight-knit grouping
All around things looming
In space objects still or moving and zooming
Birds pluming
And other animals grooming
Downloads queueing
Electronics in need of a rebooting
Or powering off, to enable cooling
Below, on and above the roofing
Toxins spewing
And other particulates polluting
Some of which are made for fueling
All weeds were removed by uprooting
Trees and bushes getting a pruning
Especially any areas that are drooping
There's just no excusing
You'd better stop snooping
And assuming
As well as tooting your horn
Or ridiculing the poor
What the hell are you fooling for
When deep down, you know you could be doing more
Ocean life caught by fishing poles, harpooning
Or cage using
Die hard fans rooting
Or booing
Times of booming
And continual losing
Certain insects and people cocooning
Humans continually feuding
Suing
And fuming
As if there is something they want to be proving
Major scale jobs, including
A lot of or very specific tooling
Drugs and alcohol others may be using
And possibly abusing
In the right conditions, water pooling
Near and far from any rocks protruding
Live a life of your choosing
Continue pursuing
Knowledge, and ways of improving
With or without musing
By: Dalton Ogletree
BEAUTIFUL SCARS
Sponsor: Laura Urbaniak
Many a times I have been asked
About my scar near my right eye
Proudly I say my mother gave it to me
Eyebrows raise high and a questioning look
No! My mother is the most adorable loving mother!
Not her fault but neither the doctor's nor his intern's
Nor even my small nails, the mystery remains
My mother didn't question nor give it importance
She said it could have happened by anyone
We are but human and such mistakes are not intentional
Moreover, it is honestly, the beauty of the soul that sparkles
Arguing or suing would not have taken the scar away
Quarrels reduce life and increase tension
I was a caesarian and I was brought to her all wrapped
Angel like with such a dark thick crop that the scar ceased
Before the joy of holding me in her arms after her health problems
I am proud of my scar, it keeps me one with my mother, my mentor.
THIRD
Balveen Cheema
November 23, 2015
Hello Pad these will be the first rhymes I write without thinking so I'm really about to speak to you
My favourite pokemon is Pikachu
Thought I needed Jessica Alba to complete my view
But she got mad I cheated with Katy Perry and is about to leak my nudes
Which is cool, I've already sent them to every girl that I know
Someone please tell short people to stop being mad, its not my fault they didn't grow
If I like a girl I dont mind letting her know I care
But I won't date a girl who Lip Syncs a song on Instagram and plays with her hair
Wait I think I just made every teenage girl mad at me
I need security they're going to take a stab at me
All it takes is 1 angry female and I'm scared
I never used to use rhymes unless they were double rhymes
But I have to much to say in my troubled mind
Wait that makes sense, I've gone off topic
I never had it so how can you say I lost it
Sister, brother, cousin, mother, uncle, dad
I like hot Chilli sauce on my kebab
It was 7.56 and I ate an after eight
I prefer lasagna to pasta bake
I'm going to become rich by suing a company when I slip and they don't put the sign that says wet floor
If not then at 30 I'm going to become a male escort
Make every female feel like they're in heaven
Go and ask my ex, she'll tell you it was a great 30 seconds
No female will date me now I just said that
I kid, I kid, its actually 34 seconds, I don't know where my heads at
I'm a little bit past insane
If you actually enjoyed these first rhymes that came to my brain
Then you'll love the next album by Lil Wayne
Somebody tell me what the hell happened to Cupid
Everyone everywhere walking around acting stupid
There is no love anymore and the World is full of hate
C'mon people we need to change before it's too late
Politics and Religion all of us take up sides for the fight
Well I've got news, your side, their side, neither is right
It doesn't matter if you’re a terrorist killing or a lawyer suing
Be more than a human being, it's time to be a Human Doing