Best Snickered Poems
moved by music
there's an up and down
in every key...
...the puppeteer's ploy
"I play a mean, Human."
snickered the piano
Lune Contest
nette onclaud
Visual 1
May 12th. 2020
Categories:
snickered, music,
Form:
Verse
The greatest miracle in days of yore
unsurpassed, two millennia past or more
a carpenter by trade, Joseph by name
was betrothed to Mary, a virtuous dame
Joseph, proud of his virgin, unbesmirched
beamed when their banns were recited in church
Mary had a visitor who descended in light
when the angel spoke she cowered in fright
"Fear not, chosen one, there's a child in your belly,
You'll name Him Jesus, unless you fancy Kelly."
"How can you be sure? I've not been with a guy."
"Must I spell it out? His father is God most high."
When Mary told Joseph he was caught off-guard
to accept Mary's tale was decidedly hard
his intended, purportedly as pure as they come
was with child from another; a soon-to-be mum
An angel of God appeared in splendor:
"Joseph, to no mortal did Mary surrender."
now, Joseph was righteous, obedient to God
ahead of the wedding date they then tied the knot
his family, deprived of a wedding reception
snickered: "What's with Joseph? This is clearly deception."
The newlyweds were obviously broke
Joseph told Mary: "My wife, don your cloak
We can't afford to pay taxes to them
we'll go to my birthplace; it's called Bethlehem
off they set with Mary on a donkey
for days on end over the hills of Galilee
All the tax evaders had crowded Bethlehem
not an inn in the place could accommodate them
Joseph begged as well he was able
one innkeeper showed them a stable
in amongst animals, vermin and filth
Mary, the Virgin, to our Savior gave birth
she wrapped Him in cloth to protect Him from danger
laid Him gently to rest in a hay-lined manger
Humankind then and now reaps the advantages
that Jesus has come to mend falling bridges
Categories:
snickered, angel, child, confusion, education,
Form:
Dramatic Monologue
I was out walking my dragon, when I came across a Dogasaurus Rex.
It really wasn’t so bad until; they got into a real life-pissing contest.
My dragons’ roar was way less than his, and spitting fire, he couldn’t do.
So they squared off, eyes aglow, and yep, a true pissing contest did ensue.
Now, that was really icky, and flooded my neighbors whole lawn, ewww.
Well, it smelled awfully bad, but when they got going, what was I to do.
And a pooper-scooper does not work here, so I had to wait till both were thru.
If there wasn’t enough testosterone, now my neighbors’ was added, to the brew.
A mean old codger lived right there, and now, even he, was royally pissed.
Watering the lawn wouldn’t send it away; it would spread it more, amiss.
I ran to get my neighbor witch, who was laughing her head off, yes, indeed.
I’d need her help to save the yard, and with the old codger, to finally succeed.
The old codger amazed, started adding, held in, bubbling laughter, to the brew.
Seems he’s a lonely old man, with not enough fun added in his life, it’s true.
He tapped his foot, as his dogasaurus Rex did more, what was I to do, in truth?
I became worried, it would be the death of him, if he didn’t laugh out loud, forsooth.
I ask the dragon, to burn the yard, to save us all, but he just snickered more, thereon.
How, you ask, was I to extradite myself? I went home to put a fire retardant suit, on.
Coming back I kicked, the dragon in his butt, for always being so crazily, put upon.
That quickly brought his fire on me, as I took it into the middle of the yucky lawn.
With the taunting done, the icky stuff gone, the witch put the grass back, with great skill.
Then, the dragon started laughing, his butt off, while thinking I’d owe the witch’s bill.
Hah! He was incredulous, as I said; he’d do the witch’s bidding, till it was fulfilled.
Then, the silly dragon, down right cried, as I told him, the walkies, would now be nil!
But, Grandpa Troll intervened, with us both in timeout, again, facing across the lake.
And, the old codger, spent the rest of his life happy, entertaining the town, with our fate.
From then on, the dragon and dogasauraus, were seen everywhere, as great playmates.
And me, I always carry an umbrella, so Dragon can never rain on my parade…
Categories:
snickered, adventure, fantasy, fire, funny,
Form:
Light Verse
My teeth walked down the stairs today
Molar stepped on aluminum and I yelled “hey!”
They were rioting to protest the new floss.
I rolled my eyes; after all, I am the boss!
My mouth tried to speak but nothing came out
Not whisper, a gurgle, a cough or a shout.
My teeth snickered; a sassy incisor cheered.
They were gaining momentum as I had feared!
My tongue gave me a wagging; I heard not a word.
Those damn teeth had made my face feel absurd.
My teeth began dancing, in the night, in the street.
To a crazy, happy, sensual reggae beat.
How to get them back? What would I have to do?
I promised them the moon, and new floss too….
Categories:
snickered, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Rhyme
She stares into the casket
open, not what he wanted,
but she did, even more now.
“Stiffer than he’s ever been.”
she snickered, silent, unheard.
“O M F G thirty years;
look at you in your blazer
and that idiotic badge;”
she toasted, raising a glass
of cola and single malt
discovered upon finding
the “mislaid” Tantalus key.
“I bet you’ll never guess where
your model steam engine is?”
She whispered into his ear,
“Oh, once more into the breach,”
she laughed and knowingly winked.
“Nothing to say, no repost?”
“Not a cutting, hurtful quip?”
“you’re dead, you say. Can’t answer.”
“I was dead for thirty years!”
Categories:
snickered, death,
Form:
Blank verse
She rode a tiger's back
through a canopy of briars
beyond the speed of light
their silent claws slashing night
but tiger tired of the game
and shook her off to the side
panting over her bloodied life
it snickered like all tigers do
just before severing all ties..
though starving it didn't feed
it already took what it needed..
the indigo from the deepest sea
where all dreams dare not fly
and dead birds never sing.
Categories:
snickered, death, life,
Form:
Free verse
I once tried to burn Day Light
But found she was not flammable
So I decided to try Twi Light
Not a chance...Twi just laughed at me
and Day smirked, snickered and pointed
Which REALLY burned me up...
'Try burning Night Time,’ Twi suggested
(No way! Burn me once? Flame on you
Burn me twice? Flame on-on...ME I think)
‘There’s no need to be aflamed my man’
(Aw shucks...Thanks! Any chance y’all are sisters?)
‘Aw shucks...You’re welcome! Yep, Sisters of the Sun'
‘The Moon is a cousin but we don‘t stay in touch‘
(If it‘s not too personal, might I ask why?)
‘No heat! Also, He‘s been manipulating the tides
Sister Sun even threatened to burn His Dark Side'
(Did he relent and resume his proper orbit?)
‘HELL no! Now She’s confused and feeling the heat
As a result, we’re getting REALLY weird sunsets’
(Really? Well I’ll be a sun of a sunset!)
'SO, You wanna burn Night Time or what?’
(Yeah, but I’d prefer burning Day Light
There’s this contest on Poetry Soup
and the theme is Burning Daylight)
‘Nope, Night Time or go down in flames’
(Well, how shall I Set the Night on Fire?)
‘You’re plagiarizing...The Doors did that’
(Not familiar with that I’m afraid)
'Geez! Come On Baby Light My Fire??
Try to set the night on FIRE!! Got it?
(Ah...So I’ll be needing a Baby then
and how can a Baby light a fire anyway?)
'(Sigh) So here’s what you’re gonna need...
A flame thrower and some gasoline’
(Got it! I’m sure burned up about this!)
'Pssst...Sis, I’m certain he meant FIRED up’
*The consequences were devastating
I set a pine tree on fire in my yard
which of course, spread to the nearby forest
and then, to my utter shock and horror
the entire neighborhood was consumed!
Thankfully, everyone got out alive...
**Jail-time and numerous lawsuits followed
SOMEHOW, I managed to burn all my bridges
but didn’t quite make it off the last bridge
which really burned my ass...
Submitted for the contest 'Burning Daylight' sponsored by John Lawless
Categories:
snickered, natural disasters, nature,
Form:
Light Verse
Note: A.ga.pe is three syllables.
John Moses assumed he was doing well.
You know only the absolute can tell.
His Agape, copy,
ranked totally sloppy,
At the gate Peter said, ”what’s that I smell?’
`T was certain girl from our poetry soup,
The one not in love with heavenly group,
from behind me she snickered,
and with Peter she bickered.
This is the total stinky pooh…err… scoop!
==================
==================PS "Just Kidding"
For and in Honor of Poet Destroyer
And Contest: Slick Limerick
Categories:
snickered, introspection,
Form:
Limerick
They snickered and laughed
As you set sail on your raft
It seems you are daft
Categories:
snickered, adventure, funny, sea,
Form:
Haiku
Smelly Nelly was quite a charming girl,
She wore her hair in braids instead of curls,
Bathing several times per day in the Jewish way,
Yet many scoffed and sniffed,
exclaiming she smelt like manure in hay,
Nelly used expensive oils and attars,
some came from lands very far,
Her raiments were made of the finest silks
but people still told her she smelt
like days old milk,
They shunned and booed her,
talking behind her back,
hoping and praying she would have a heart attack,
The gripe they harbored had nothing to do with
Nelly's smell, it was because her family owned
several oil wells,
Neverthelss, she brought her own lunch which made
her naysayers feel as if they were incompetent bunches,
The farce of living as the Joneses do, never appealed to
Nelly because she knew the value of a dollar,
So while folks snickered and stared, corking their noses
causing her despair,
She sat and ate her snicker doodle sandwiches with her
little pinky waving in the air,
Smelly Nelly they chanted everyday, but she shrugged
her shoulders and continued on her merry way,
Cartier, Chanel and Youth Dew were always in her backpack,
but she knew it was hard for critics to understand her modest lifestyle,
They all rumoured that she lacked!
Afterall, she rather "enjoyed" their ignorance,
watching them treat her as if she were a rotten as mere happenstance,
But Nelly soon conquered her critics by blossoming into a
lovely swan, forgetting about the negativity, and meanness,
leaving the penny section to stew in their own mess......
Categories:
snickered, childhood, food, friendship, funny,
Form:
Limerick
There is a state of mind known as woebegone
In which one feels like an addict on methadone
The more one tries to feel upbeat
The more one suffers mental defeat
And the mind plays on like a gramophone.
8
The boys outside the bar appeared rapscallion
Their actions were downright reptilian
Every time a girl would walk by
One would let out a loud cry
Acting just like an overheated young stallion
8
There was an old lady from New Jersey
Who recently moved to Poughkeepsie
She met this old fart
In a local Kmart
And the two proceeded to get quite tipsy
8
Roger was smug and a bit of a grandee
Others viewed him as somewhat of a dandy
The girls giggled and downright snickered
Because they knew he sought entry to their knickers
But alas, with buttons and zippers he just wasn’t handy
8
Bobby was well known for his generosity
But also known for his excessive gulosity
He would take you to lunch anytime
But always state “what’s left over is mine”
And clean the table with the utmost ferocity
8
There was this old man from Toledo
That liked to parade around in his speedo
The old ladies would giggle
Watching his sagging butt jiggle
But it did little or nothing for their libido
8
There is this retired gentleman in south Buda
Who would like to vacation in Bermuda
But his poem book didn’t sell worth squat
Now he’s stuck with who knows what
As he reads travel brochures in his pad in south Buda
8
There is this Colorado guy in the Springs
Whose Windows computer does unusual things
The damn screen turned permanently black
So he went out and bought a new Mac
Now he doesn’t answer when his telephone rings
8
Categories:
snickered, funnyold, old,
Form:
In younger days we would watch our figure
Now hear behind the back people snicker
Now through many years
Christmas treats and cheers
Behinds not in line, those bellies bigger!
I’ll make Chocolate pie resolution
Along with Pecan pie restitution
When our congress acquits
Stupid party line splits
That’s when this old sort admits, protrusion!
Once old fat cell was triggered
Being in behinds he snickered
In belly overlap
In lassie and old chap
Got them just the way he figured!
For and in honor of Carolyn Devonshire
And Contest
Categories:
snickered, funnyold, old,
Form:
Limerick
"In twenty four hours" after "dancing with the devil"
Begins the "lifting of my veil" you'll see I'm totally being level
"Silence is golden" was snickered when "my confession" was read
Head nun said, "look before you leap" but yet I ended up "in his bed"
Filled full of "tainted love" and "torment" that was "beyond belief"
Being a "sexy nun" I was "mystified", now full of "regret" and grief
If "Falsely imprisoned", I fear that I'll be "out of sight, out of mind"
I must "get it together" or else my "guardian angels" will leave me behind
"Choosing your fate" was taught in the convent, but I missed class that day
Swayed by a "roller coaster" of "sparkling kisses", that sadly led me astray
I'm "no longer asking" for these "false charms begone" on my behalf.
But for my other personality "Betty Boop", to be "freed", she is my other half.
~ Cecilia Macfarlane
~ 8/22/2013
Orginally for contest: 'It's all in the Titles' contest. Using 10 or more of your own poem titles to create a poem
Now for the "Take Two" Poetry Contest of Nette Onclaud
Categories:
snickered, humorous, judgement,
Form:
Rhyme
He seized the role and ripped it to shreds
He chewed up the scenery like an insane Billy Goat
He snickered, he smirked, he roared, he raged
He bared his teeth, sneered and grinned like a demon
He terrorized and improvised (Heeere’s Johnny!!)
He primped and he pranced
He rocked and he rolled
He had a damn ball…
Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining’
Jack was also the first choice to play the role of Father Damien Karras in ‘The Exorcist’, but the role was turned over to Jason Miller….It would have been a miscast. Sure, he would have jumped out the window but not to his death, not Jack!...He would have bounced back up and ran off to terrorize the entire neighborhood...
For Frank's contest
Categories:
snickered, film,
Form:
Free verse
CHANGING WORLDS
.. An' Unc' Nathan -
Well.., he just kept right on ..,
You.., (he coughed a long one) eyes..,
They gonna' be square..
I blasted another.
'All that killing', said Ma..,
Lighting Grandpap's pipe..,
Pausing.., for her own pleasure..,
Then passing it on.
Brains blew all over the screen.
Big Sis' Charlotteen - out corner of my eye..,
Breezing in from work,
Dropping ash down her blouse, reading mail .,
Blown smoke, through nose..,
hanging.
Cigarette in teeth..
'Ma.. gotta' date.., got any microwave?'
Flick of wrist ., I laugh out..,
More aliens annihilated..,
Aunt Elz-beth leaned in closer.,
spilt her special 'medice'-whisky peering too far in.,
A glance ., it dropping off her chin .
'These 'puter things..,
That ain't no life' I hit pause. 'An' look at all the harm it brings'
Depressing the button..,
While all about,
Rolled tobacco, tugged, swigged, bickered, argued and snickered,
But nothing came through that, 'thick skull o' mine'.
Nothing got delivered..,
An yet.., way back when.,
O'er my shoulder.., forever..,
They all watched me save the planets..,
We all knew we were all heroes,
Kept stopping by as I solved the worlds.
Stopping by.., even now, decades away.
Categories:
snickered, family, grandparents, growing up,
Form:
Narrative