Best Salami Poems
Sometimes I feel like i wanna die
I'm gettin tired of living and dats no lie
So go get a casket, some flowers, and a shovel
So I can go to hell and come face to face with the devil
I'm going to tell him he's a coward to his face
Then tell him move aside so I can take his place
And if he tries to swing, I'll break his window
Then send 64 at him like I'm playing Nintendo
Or better yet send me up to the skies
So I can see the Lord with my own eyes
See if angels really fly with wings
And if they do I'll get a pair of those things
Maybe I can see my firends John and Tashawn
Reminisce about playing football on the school lawn
And I'll go talk to my aunt Te-Te
To ask her where she put that Christmas CD
I'm no longer alive in body, I'm just a spirit
I'm calling peoples names but I doubt that they can hear it
I'm merely a body of air wandering the earth
I'll never have sex again, and I can't pretend that it don't hurt
They say money can't come with you when you die
I tried to bring it anyway but it wasn't worth the try
There isn't anything up there you can buy
There are no cars, no problem, I can just...glide
Or just fly so opposite of low
There is no better feeling than that you know
I notice that I never ever ever get sleepy
I can't get hurt, so you can't stab or shoot me
Blessed with the ability to walk through bodies
Went through a fat man and I saw beer and salami
Went through a girl who was pregnant with a baby
She had crack and coke in her system, shame on that lady
Then I see a boy who looks like my reflection
The only way to describe his look is perfection
Just before I can say "wait"
That is when I awake.......
Categories:
salami, death, depression
Form:
Rhyme
Lord, we are so grateful fer the gracious bounty of Yer Creation!
But there are some things You created that cause us some vexation.
We appreciate that You've given us ice cream, bagels 'n' strawberry shakes,
But was it vital that You created mo'skeeters, spiders 'n' snakes?
Thank You fer the sun, the stars 'n' fer the moon glow in the sky,
The butterflies, hummin' birds, finches 'n' eagles soarin' high.
We savor Yer celery, okra, spinach, brussel sprouts 'n' Bermooda onions,
But Lord, was it really necessary to plague us with fleas 'n' scorpions?
We want You to know how much we cherish the beauty of Yer lakes 'n' rills,
Majestic mountains, waterfalls, forests 'n' the verdant land the farmer tills.
Thank you fer the lowly chicken that provides eggs, thighs 'n' gizzards,
But Lord, of what redeeming value are gila monsters 'n' Komodo lizards?
How we enjoy the apples peaches, cherries 'n' oranges from Yer trees,
Salami, pizza, ravioli, rocky mountain oysters 'n' delicious cottage cheese.
We thank You fer the companionship of our puppies 'n' inscrutable cats,
But Lord, we could do without the porkypines 'n' pesky mice and rats!
Thank you fer Yer fauna, the lions, hyenas, rhinos, hippos 'n' little fawns,
Fer Yer life sustainin' rain 'n' the pearly dew that graces roses at dawns.
We're grateful fer hogs that give us hams 'n' fer cattle that give us steaks,
But Lord, is there any reason fer creatin' mo'skeeters, spiders 'n' snakes?
Categories:
salami, creation, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Keep your bacon, keep your ham
Keep your loganberry jam
No pastrami
No salami
In my sarnie I want Spam
Ain’t no bones, ain’t no brains
Ain’t no seeds, ain’t no grains
Slightly spicy
Tasty nicey
Spam ain’t got any veins
And the tin that it’s in
Kinda square, kinda thin
Ring pull lid
Key got rid
Spam don’t slice off your skin
So that’s Spam; good to eat
Not some cheap luncheon meat
Fried or cold
I’m just sold
Because Spam can’t be beat
Categories:
salami, food,
Form:
Limerick
I poop every morning after a Pizzelle slathered in Nutella
it is nine am in Italy and not a good time to eat mortadella
I poop after lunch after eating pizza with spicy pepperoni
it is twelve o'clock and way too early to eat my macaroni
I poop in the evening after my pasta al forno with cheese
its much too early for my salami sandwich, " Jeez Louise!"
I poop before bed and I let out a great Ah Ah, Mama Mia
as the neighbors yell out the window keep it down " Maria! "
Of course I poop like a proper Italian and here's the squeeze,
when we use the Latrina we fan ourselves to get a tiny breeze!
Categories:
salami, funny, hilarious,
Form:
Couplet
The rain in Spain has nothing on us
Seems our annual rainfall, their records we'll bust
A charming thought
We'll need a yacht
To get the market for some salami and stuff
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
salami, scary,
Form:
Limerick
This man in Brooklyn named Isadore,
some big sandwiches he would adore.
Corned beef and pastrami,
and kosher salami.
He can’t fit in his clothes anymore.
Who says a limerick has to be Irish?
Categories:
salami, funny
Form:
Limerick
Pizza!
by René Annandale
Pizza pizza pat
Pizza pizza flat
Thick crust, thin crust
or raised crust.
Chop it, slice it, grate it,
pack it, fill it.
Tomato, mushroom, salami,
peppers, ham and anchovy.
Top it all with cheese.
Serve me warm, if you please.
Categories:
salami, food, children, kids,
Form:
Free verse
Rereading the poems of others
and my own. Community across
time and graves. What's left
exceeds in significance
one's last moment. Yet
his last moment must have been
exceedingly important
for the poet.
Nothing he did that day will seem meaningful.
While we prosecute the war
a pileated woodpecker and red squirrel
compete for sunflower seeds.
A winter slow
to assert itself.
I can still see my mother's father and his bowl
of filberts, almonds, walnuts
quiet weekday mornings.
Both grandfathers read sports
pages religiously. I don't know
if my grandmother who gave me the
anthology of, to date, dated
unreadable poems read poetry.
I remember my mother's mother spoke
rarely as an animal.
Writing but not knowing where I'm going
unlike Joan Didion justly
cannibalizing candidates
who didn't read the Constitution, Bill of Rights or
Federalist Papers. It's late,
I have not vacuumed or shopped for food.
Instead I reread
Phil Levine's Salami.
Categories:
salami, animal, community, grandfather, morning,
Form:
Verse
Overheard by a fly upon the wall
During Clinton's tete-a-tete with his moll
Order extra salami
And a tad more pastrami
For my pizza on your next service call
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 1 Michael Falotico's "A Fly On The Wall" Contest - February 2011
Categories:
salami, funny
Form:
Limerick
Overheard by flies on the White House wall
During Bubba's tete-a-tete with his moll.
"Order extra salami
And a tad more pastrami
Fer my pizza on yer next service call!"
Entry for Andrea Dietrich's Limerick Contest
Categories:
salami, cute love, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
"Dearly beloved, "We are gathered here today to witness,
The wickedness of these times."
"Blessed", fortunately, its ending soon."
To radio stations phone-it.
"Wait!, No!, Next month.
"Taking the kiddies fishing."
"Perhaps we should postpone it."
"Reminds me, of an ole story.
"My, dear neighbor, now long past away."
"Bought a two-thousand watt light bulb."
"Used it to clean the lint from his toe nail."
"Then handed it over to me."
"Which item?", he asks.
"The lint or the bulb?"
"That's for you to decide."
"For extra credit, predict when the bulb burns out."
How the truth sometimes hurts.
For he loves us, and we love Him.
Faithfully digesting a breakfast sermon
Hard garlic salami, and dried prunes.
Oh , dear Paul.
Why was Moses punished?
He loves us.
In spite of our gas masks.
Even blesses our vents.
Just look at me.
I,m sure we meet before.
I,m wearing the inspector Klusoe badge.
Hiding near the back row.
Wearing an "Eddie Haskell", smile.
No mask , though, I,m tough.
I sure would like to tattle, on that darn kid.
Carefully rolling his perfect round gum wad.
Leaving it at the front door.
Tattle on that old fogy.
Hiding a re-cycled stogy.
Near the front bush.
About anybody unannounced,
Can bounce-in, these days!
Hard-core corporate sinners.
Hard working, making this world better?
With what thanks?
To greet the other side in hell?
If we don,t get to them.
Perhaps us as well.
Without Grace.
Sure would like to tattle,
On those arriving at the last minute.
Budgeting time, to edit a grocery list.
Tattle?, to Who?
Tattle on ladies, so easily upset.
If the closing clock, past noon strikes.
They must sell powerfully minted cookies.
Serving such a needed feast.
Considering whats for breakfast.
Dear Jesus, can you explain?
Why you cursed the fig branch?
So Our sports fans can understand?
Boy would I ever like to tattle,
On that little, freckled faced girl.
Sneaking in her kitten.
Us listening, to penetrating competitive "Meows."
"We are the cats meow."
"Not hippo-critters."
So please join Us.
123 altogether sing.
"We love Him."
"We love them."
They love Us."
"Love"," one-another."
Sounds absolutely crazy, doesn't it?
Categories:
salami, anxiety, forgiveness,
Form:
Ballad
Gangster Comedy
Poem
Lionel Derbyshire
Shooty shooty bang bang ####
Dark alley
" siete sulla mia terra ? ..
* o ouais vous êtes une star .. bastard !
" andando a saltare in su Frenchie
* Oh yeah !! pas cher vienna
" ok lungo naso barboncino francese!
Shooty shooty bang bang ####
* hey tête de salami attendre une minute s'il vous plaît
" perché è questo frenchy ??
* comment vous connaissez mon nez est long?
" si sporge da un angolo!
" È per questo che so che sei qui Frenchy
* ah merci Mr patate! ne vous dérange si je tire maintenant?
" Vi do il piacere ..
* Je vous remercie
Shooty shooty bang bang ##
" hi Frenchy possiamo gangster in inglese si prega ?
£ Good evening ol chap ...
lovely alley to shootout..
dont you think?
£ Just marvelous old boy..
How is Agnes and the kids ..?
£ Bloodygood bloody good My Lord !
£ Ay i fancy that ... A i fancy .
£ Good night then me' lord
€ And a jolly good night to you Baron ..
Halt! Wer geht dahin !
Choochi chichi pookie boo!!
Choochi chichi pookie boo!!!
€The wives are callin us for diner Baron
Zorro ..
Yo sólo soy un francotirador español..
Categories:
salami, conflict, confusion, french, giggle,
Form:
ABC
I doff my fedora to the feller who invented pertater chips!
That genius developed the ideal thingy in which to immerse our dips!
How could we survive sans our weekly fix of Dominoes pizza pie,
Or a half-dozen Dunkin Donuts consumed on the sly?
Ain't nothin' as finger lickin' good as Kentucky Fried, original of course,
Or a Wendy's triple bacon 'burger when you're as famished as a horse!
Ah! The myriad of Mexican fixin's offered by the local Taco Bell!
Chimichangas, burritos, tacos, tostadas and enchiladas as well!
Japanese and Chinese establishments offer mysterious and fancy fare.
Try sushi, octopus, crawfish or deep fried squid if you dare!
If you crave ice cream, cookies or a hunk of cake or such cuisine,
Hie yourself on down the street to the nearest Dairy Queen!
For the hotdog aficionado there are weenie varieties galore;
Foot longs, chilidogs, smothered in sauerkraut and so many more!
Want some scrumptious and satisfying grub that'll fill your belly?
Get a ham on rye, thick salami or a Rueben at the neighborhood deli!
At Dad's BBQ you can order any kind of barbeque with greasy fries.
To top off the pancakes at The Village Inn you can buy chocolate pies!
Doctors and nutritionists would cringe at such a diet of course.
Fiddle faddle! I'll keep on eatin' that stuff with absolutely no remorese!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Categories:
salami, food
Form:
Rhyme
Have you had a dinner overlooking Rome?
A quiet, garden setting, where you two are alone?
Darkened bushes, candlelit table, with tiny lights all aglow,
romanticize the setting, as we all know.
Start with a glass of a fine red wine,
aged just right, and sweet as the vine.
A little Antipasto is what I certainly would say,
Cheeses, Salami, Pepperoni, and Flatbreads all go a long way.
A Caesar Salad prepared at your table side and done,
by a young Brazzi look alike, with a certainty of perfection.
The glass of a fine white wine will next set the pace,
changing the evening, while staying in place.
The Entree ordered is a delicious Piece of Sole,
large enough to share, baked to its flaky goodness in whole.
Asparagus Spears, Broccoli, or Italian Beans simmered with soy,
could all be accepted as Side Dishes with our fish to enjoy.
Tiramisu for her, Creme Brule' for me with its golden crown,
with an Ice Wine to wash these tasty Desserts down.
Then a Latte or Cappuccino might just do,
with some Creme Sherry to finish the mood.
A short romantic walk to the Trevi 'neath Rome's idyllic moon,
means that our dinner has ended all too soon.
Our "Special Evening" however, is only done,
When we later make love to each other...uniting as one.
written: 10/25/15
Categories:
salami, celebration, city, food, love,
Form:
Couplet
I knelt down covering the face with ground,
Romancing with hands spread
All over, exploring crevices, valleys
Undulating hills and mountains which spreadraggle.
His worshipful majesty blotting out of my turlips
In repeated recitation recalcitrant tongue,
Ageless ancestors do come together,
And let us broke on reason,
Plead case with the Almighty
Plead when prone to give in
Plead when on his Dinner spread,
Don’t offer chicken noodles and potato shuffle
But barbecue basted boasted Peacock, offer
Salami salmon salad in the sky
Roasted shark fins garnish with jellyfish
Add some coral reef to taste,
Dragon eyes buried in hot chili sauce;
Gut of Godzilla and chop chest of Plesiosaur
Mutton of Dinosaur and the baldhead of king Kong,
Breathing steam, sweet cherry on top,
All gather in a giant charger,
Let him not sip them down with Apricot flan,
Rousing rumbling champagne, bland brandy
But chestnut seed, olive and kernel oil
Sunripe grapes, camouflage lemons, rose of clematis,
Ceanothus, sunflower seeds and a sprinkle of cayenne
Let Hercules wringe together,
Let the violet juice drop to fill his goblet
And settle his heart.
Categories:
salami, mystery
Form:
Dramatic Monologue