Best Ribald Poems

The farmer’s cock rises each morning
It signals a new day is dawning
His wife ignores him in bed
Says she’s got a bad head
Perhaps she requires pre-warning

NB I BREAK NO RULES POSTING BAWDY LIMERICKS  - THE FORM IS BY NATURE ALLOWED TO BE  RIBALD AND...

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Although the light long ago faded from my youth
Clarity of my memories tell one; go home,
If only to find the innocence and the truth
From whence I travelled this world, like a gypsy roam.

When the scroll misconstrued paths collide in the night
Unprepared for the dawning the...

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They say I'm like my daddy
I'm his kid through and through
I have characteristics
Of a man I never knew

Long ago he left me
Soon after my mom died
Put up for adoption
Couldn't count the tears I cried

But now I hear the stories
Of this man I'm like so much
The...

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Normally, I'd not "Dare" choose just one poet 
to honor.  This time I have, hoping I don't blow it.
I've chosen to break my "Silence" in "Gratitude" 
for "Captain Tom," a man who has a great attitude.

He posts "Footle x 20" and genius "Covid Limericks."
Ribald...

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Inside a boisterous tavern,
a-light with drunken gaiety
of spilled ribald laughter,
he quietly sits alone ...
gently cradling his mead darkly
Brooding thoughts of past paid coverings
buzzes inside his head
Talking flies having the faces of the dead
“Have mercy, please”
This haunting cry, they all pled ... 
except the halo head...

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Mercurial, mischievous minx
Amphibious air swirling in turquoise tang
Ribald thief of restrained relief
Capricious caress in cobalt clouds
Hale blown heather tickles the daffodils' flaxen dress.

3/01/19...

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He walked on stage, the puppet in one hand
as the audience was clapping, for they knew
the act of this ventriloquist was grand!
His puppet was a sailor dressed in blue,
and quite a sailor’s mouth that puppet had.
As long as his “sailor boy” had a joke,
the puppet...

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An Ice Fishing House, Abandoned, in Need of Repair

That same shed waits
by the trees.
Waits on its skids
for the lake to freeze,
and the for the creaking 
joints of bickering 
stoop-shouldered men
as they push it out to the center
of a pool of glass.
It houses the stories of...

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Twas the night before my cousin's 
wedding
He reluctantly gave in to the 
bachelor party vetting
A burlesque, tawdry strip club was 
the setting
Unbeknownst to him, the bridesmaid 
was his appetite whetting
With gratuitous lap dance, began 
the ribald feting
In drunken stupor, the enamored 
groom his fealty forgetting
Released...

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Naked as the day of my birth, I lay upon the floor
coverless and chill, eyes fluttering, closed, yet aware... 
inwardly I stare, counting chest rises, in despair.
My fear of onward life is more than I can ignore.
Outside, a fluttering of wings seeking to explore,
the haunting...

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Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd

There continue to be modern sequels of the famous "Nantucket" limericks, including this bawdy one of mine:

There was a lewd whore from Nantucket
who intended to pee in a bucket;
but being a man
she missed the damn can
and her rattled john...

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There was a girl named Caledonia
Who would often state, I will phone ya
She met a man called Fred
Who did ring her instead
And she simply said, guess I owe ya



Author's Comments :
Fred knew his line was not dead so he called around to see what Miss...

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SCROLL OF LIFE

Although the light long ago faded from my youth
Clarity of my memories tell one; go home,
If only to find the innocence and the truth
From whence I travelled this world, like a gypsy roam.

When the scroll misconstrued paths collide in the night
Unprepared for the...

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Hour hands clock back sixty minutes of Autumn
Round about this same of month every year, what a bum
er, and inconvenient truth diverged from this chum
purposelessly manipulating a hold over 
   sans yesteryear doth drum
a sensation of jet lag (with earth in the balance)...

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Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder,
But Whiskey makes you frisky.
Clerihews and epigrams are fine but
Do not tell these to one lost in love
Except when you mean to cheer up one
Fevered with temporary  amourous setbacks.
Gift them the gift prized by one and all
Humour - evoking...

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