Best Rectum Poems
Dejected on my bed this morn, I lay while contemplating,
what seems to be a day to face, I’m really quite unwilling
The peaceful place that used to be for me was so inspiring,
has come to be now tainted with such hatred and despising.
I used to get up from my bed an hour early to see,
to share what’s new, to grow, to live, to love more perfectly.
Each new day that unfolds with friends who greet excitedly,
felt like I’ve touched the heaven’s gates where I wanted to be.
The special word that’s meant to love has come to be vitriolic,
what used to be a happy place has now been melancholic.
Why can’t we just forget our pride, a soul that’s embryonic?
An open heart and mind will help lower blood’s diastolic.
What good is it if we can talk to ad infinitum?
When all the others think an adder fills our heart and cranium.
Will wounded hearts be even healed with simply an erratum?
When people can no longer see which is our mouth or rectum!
Our love for self and things should not be so that it replaces
respect for him, regard for her, a love that recognizes
each one's unique, no one’s above, this love’s the one that reaches
out with sincere humility, forgiveness, it amazes.
SHOW ME YOUR SPIRIT CONTEST
SPONSOR: FJ THOMAS
02 May 2015
Categories:
rectum, conflict, how i feel,
Form:
Quatrain
He bought a product against hemorrhoids at the pharmacy
The word alone can do many people wrinkle their noses
Product information :
"Should be inserted approximately 3 cm up into the rectum
Keep out of reach of children"
(.... 3 cm up in the a#s, children have impossible access)
Suppository should be stored in the refrigerator "
In the fridge ... he became very confused
20/01/2021
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Categories:
rectum, confusion, fun,
Form:
Verse
Sniff my reeking rectum,
Smell it with your nose,
Inhale its lethal fumes,
It smells like a blooming rose,
Place your nostrils against my reeking rectum,
And indulge its rank, stuffy scent,
Put your nose right up my anus,
And delight until you’re spent,
Don’t be shy now,
Please don’t choose to delay,
Quickly sniff my rancid, stinking, reeking rectum,
And draw in its pungent bouquet.
Categories:
rectum, uplifting,
Form:
Such an invasion will not go unavenged-
I will render my prostate prostrate
Lest my humor become unhinged
It so betrays my desire to micturate, yea even to conjugate.
And I will radiate radiation
When approached I will shout Unclean! Unclean!
I will need some serious anesthesiation
Just to maintain my unvented spleen.
I always think I am so hansom
I quite assume my royal entitlement
But a colony of cutthroats now inhabit my rectum.
And I must engage in violent embattlement.
To the walls! To the walls! my spermatazoan comrades
And destroy these interlopers awful.
Let them not breach our ballustrades
For Nature herself has proclaimed them unlawful.
Categories:
rectum, poems,
Form:
Burlesque
Whew! Here Goes One,
Parked At My Rectum,
Its Warm, Its Deadly,
I Can Feel My Face Sweat- Silently,
Oh What A Task,
No Excuses, As I Must-
Sensitively Reckoning The Force It Amass
With This Feeling Of Crystal Glass,
‘Its A Shame
Having No Younger Soul To Blame,
Oh Self Negligence,
Such Is A Public Offense,
I Wish Nostrils Had Alarm Drills,
To Warn Them Of This Air Borne Thrills,
Defenseless As I Sit Here Transparent,
I Wonder, Why Am I So Apparent?
Though, They Heard The Wind Whistle,
Twas Ominous, Sounds Of My Concealed Pestle,
Beating Polluted Air In My Pants,
Echoes And Bubbly Chants,
There Goes One Invisible,
Should I Go, Or Should I Try The Impossible,
Deny My Crime Inevitably,
Maybe, No One Knows- So Why Speak Unnecessarily?
Categories:
rectum, courage, funny, hilarious, imagery,
Form:
Rhyme
screen est vestis
stares adversus referre
fastidium tuum---
loquitur nisi ad te
integer elit,
quod autem dictum est, ideas, ut cum te fabulas narrare,
nondum est ipsum suum &
quod est horologium ticking
& circa angulum rectum opus die tommorow
scis,
somnus corporis necessitatibus
reliqui corporis necessitatibus
se ab illa corporis necessaria pulls screen
(fed melius ire ad sustentationem a piece of opus in sacculo,
quam inanem animum inside) ---
sed plus interiorem hominem,
una vis impress
ratione cuius
tu creasti ad splendorem
clarissimis quasi stellae in caelo
cuius lucis te acervum images & verborum
clausus sicco sol
accedit quod cum tot horas omnia asserere conatus tuos
inlido
tibi
sicut
a
bug---
sed actum est descriptis & tardus
incipio super asperges digitos keys
dum modo illa memoriae tradiderunt.
Categories:
rectum, life,
Form:
Free verse
wishing he had sung his prayers last night
from both ends to the middle
fell to the ground in adoration
tore a wake through the ink stains
but not from satisfaction
plastic Jesus hold my head
a round of applause for once
or even just a soft murmur
from those in your employ
parked way out in Kokomo
my interrogator professor Zworykin
said quietly we want information
I knew I was up **** creek
without an assault rifle
with various blunt objects
aimed at what was left of my head
initiations with disfigurement
so have a melodic answer he encouraged
yah well the Third Reich fell from bad music
I spat like a backwards vampire
the swelling is an obstacle
I added for evidence I mean emphasis
the King of the Scarabs was neither mollified
nor inclined to use less aftershave
a great rectum of a situation
which is a poem in itself
I got in a few imaginary hits
before he called in the hockey franchise
with their many novel effects and manifestations
such as hugely distended penises
not at all like the computer club
fart gigglers and Balaam anointed
who sang as they worked
that's how we laugh the day away
in the merry merry Land of Oz
always a help to morale in the trenches
to use a dirty semaphore
for the male power hug
cracking walnuts with hydraulics
the Scarab King was a backhanded guy
strung out on endless platitudes
this is a spit shine day men
do your regimentation proud
they wavered then cheered then wavered
when the going got tough
and it seemed to often
for your present narrator
they allocate security personnel
in my case a comic endorphin gigolo
the hand of a spell upon his brow
good lord not another eccentric botanist
bedecked with the fabled Trinkets of Mouthgate
traffic fines double in poet zone
former servant of the hypno-avatar
with his blemish free goats
and his tunnel vision paparazzi
hI I'm Joe Product family friend
half con half circus half fury
screaming on the rack
my one line in the play
whatever will I do now
From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon
Artist Portfolio: http://walteralter.byethost32.com/
Categories:
rectum, how i feel,
Form:
Free verse
Dark is black and black is dark; this is the day we did depart. No more saying it’s ok, no more hugs to take the pain away. You left me as if in rain and gave me unrelenting pain. You’re a wretched whore with no shame. I wouldn’t care if you were dying. As a matter of fact, I’d probably be smiling. I’d make you choke on your own blood; you’d probably take it as easily as eating cum. I’d tear your guts apart with a butter knife, and smother you with them from time to time. But that’s not it, no far from it my darling, I need to repay you for the pain you’ve caused me. Next I’d cut off your arms maybe your legs, give you some beatings with them. Can you feel the pain? Cut apart your chest rip out your bleeding heart. Take a bite, rip it apart. Can you feel my pain? Tear out your eyeballs, shove them in your rectum, crying and pleading. Can you feel my pain yet? No? How about ripping off your ears so you can’t hear? Now I see you are starting to fear. Crying blood and begging for your life. But I end your life with a violent strife. Dearest woman that was so close to me. Why did you make me do this to thee? Your laying in blood and rotten soil, your life no more, I feel somewhat humble. Revenge is taken, my deed is done, you are no more, and in hell you can have fun.
Categories:
rectum, anger, betrayal, break up,
Form:
Rhyme
My stomach rumbles after a hot meal,
I pack along the road to obey this call,
As I run into the bush, it rumbles still,
On bending down ‘bou~bou~bou’ its gases fall,
Sounding like a thunderous trumpet…,
Anus releases the mighty from rectum,
Which makes flies to sing praises to kismet,
Its odor makes the mouth secretes sputum
which is ready to fly out and spread its wings
like heron before landing on the beach,
the mighty and co rule the soil like kings,
adding flavor and nutrients to grow the peach,
‘Fou~fou~fou !~pra.ta.ta..taa!‘it sounds again,
Feel at ease, as it passes out like speed train.
Categories:
rectum, life, nature,
Form:
Rhyme
who the hell let that pimp in?
My boss grabed me, then
Immediatly, I became the next candidate for exploratory surgery;
Sodomized with a paring knife to remove the alleged ******** from my ass;
I immediatly volunteered for pimp removal surgery,
Flooding! On a gurney headed for the emergency room;
As the doctor studied my hemoraging rectum,
My ******* became blackmail for that pimp;
Not a hole,not an opening,
Just pulsating, hemoraging flesh!
The flys just congragate while the blood coagulates !
Categories:
rectum, abuse, autumn,
Form:
Free verse
Roll up, roll up for 'Body Floss',
it's brand new on the shelves,
we've tried it and like it so much
we use it on ourselves,
It's compact and affordable
may I point out at this junction
that it comes in different colours and
performs some different functions.
Apart from dental use where it will clear out
meal remains,
you can shove it up your backside and it
will help unblock your drains.
Push it through one ear, through your head
from other side, pull out,
it wipes out nasty memories,
and those old lingering doubts.
Absorbed into your bloodstream
through your gut and it will start
to sail through your Aorta and mend any broken hearts.
Please make sure before using these
products you inspect 'em,
especially if the last time used was
somewhere up your rectum.
Terms and conditions apply.
For contest ' Advertisement- Sell something', sponsor Lewis Raynes
March 19th 2018
Categories:
rectum, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Learning when/how to close seat then...
flush... the toilet with good frisson!
(alternately titled long windedly
using lower case letters:
no matter tidily bowled over based
upon real events, perhaps subject devoid
of literary merit and/or taste
no embarrassment, cuz
I got nothing to cover
despite precious time going to waste).
Analogous to constipation,
constitutes full term pregnancy,
perhaps umpteenth or first,
which former offal bodily function I durst
mention, said subject doth stink,
yet... exercising bowel
applicative, constrictive, effective,
exhaustive, gesticulative, instinctive,
massive, oppressive, qualitative,
quantitative, significative and unitive
(beg to differ if ye think me perverse)
both scenarios prone to stress and strain,
difficulties can arise evacuating bowels
gluteus maximus muscles severely pursed,
radiating sharp stabbing sensations
behind junk in trunk quarters felt
until bulging temple veins ready to burst,
where piles of hemorrhoids
foul rectum tortured and accursed
necessitating Judas Priest well versed
to issue last rites while
appropriate official dull livers worst
news to missus, whose
inconsolable sympathies nursed,
nevertheless bit torrent of sorrow
honor alone time with grateful dead
subsequently finds medical personnel disbursed,
privately newly minted widow mourning
tears for fears immersed
bemoaning sudden permanent absence
gone fore e'er foremost farter figure first
instance obliterated, when posterior
uproariously (actually not funny)
inflicted hemorrhage emergency,
die hard ludicrous poet (me) experienced
all expense chauffeured ride in hearst
aforementioned purportedly roughly comparable,
courtesy hearsay, when
hypothetical woman with child,
(here, I metaphorically paraphrase)
as maven ready to take aim giving birth
(nine months after satiating
hankering call of the wild
buzzfeeding miracle worker whipped thirst,
and temporarily appeased
inherent maternal yearning
to beget offspring, then... off to races
sprinting at greased lightning speed
amazingly enough slightly protruded womb,
(among other fledgling
and/or practiced moms avid runners
all touted as winners relay race crossing
finish line simultaneously
comprising distance measuring more'n verst.
Categories:
rectum, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
What Did We Get Stuck in 2012
The doctors in the OR had a busy time this year
Freeing things that got stuck in rectum, nose or ear
Or any other orifice that lies within our bod
The list of all the things they found is really kind of odd
Within the ear, a button, a toothpick and hairpin
A screwdriver and a drinking straw were also found therein
A key, a piece of paper, a little plastic dart
A fly and an eraser were also lodged in part
Within the nose a Dixie cup, barrette and colored pencil
A nickel, BB pellets, and a small plastic utensil
A screw, a bead, a pick-up stick and a little plastic toy
Two nostrils filled with magnets in just one little boy
Within the throat a lemon seed, maxi pad and thimble
A key-chain ring, a toy plane, some kids are really nimble
Within the rectum, a loaf of bread, a crayon and a lighter
A small hand wrench, a vial of salts, were stuck there even tighter
And I won’t even mention what was found in some who-hoos
Or even try to question the things that some girls use
And the men are no exception when it comes to getting stuck
You’d be surprised what they used to size, and then ran out of luck
And wouldn’t you love to hear the stories these patients told the staff
And see the faces of the docs as they tried so not to laugh
Uncle Mike's Wisdom of the Web
Categories:
rectum, health, people,
Form:
Rhyme
I dreamt of a washing machine,
In colours so obscene,
Of shades of caffeine,
It washed everything that was clean,
To a shiny muddy unclean,
It was part of it's routine,
It was never to fond of hygiene,
I found an old tureen,
In gross shades of lime-green,
With a three feet sardine,
And I counted one of sixteen,
Tiny little soybean,
I found something murine,
Frosting sunscreen,
Between,
A pair of nankeen,
And jeans that were lean,
With a 10 pound bean,
Covered in fleshy dentine,
As well crushed strychnine,
Mixed in with liquid morphine,
With a hint of codeine,
To create a used vaccine,
I excavated further into the drum,
My left shoe stepped into gum,
My hands found bottles of rum,
As well a skull of a pilgrim,
A sock with a 44 magnum,
Guarding the used sock kingdom,
Hear muses singing like a threesome,
The kingdom’s national anthem,
I saw a shadowy possum,
Come out of a rectum,
And I became bum,
When it proposed a threesome
Between it ,me and my right thumb,
I started to have a symptom,
That began to blossom
And needed a valium,
Or a serum,
To rid of this irksome,
Three things made up an outcome,
I had a possum,
Who thinks is handsome,
My thumb,
Excess sucking of sheer gruesome,
Melting feelings to a num,
And pressing against my sternum
And now I feel really dumb,
Stuck inside a drum
Categories:
rectum, art, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
There once was a boy named Willie Dunkhole
Who fell backwards onto a hard pole
It went straight up in
As it scraped off the skin
From his rectum deep down to his soul
Now, I don't know if he was alright
Cause, he jumped then flew out of sight
I'll tell you right now
Just watch where you fall
Or, you could wind up in the same plight
07/31/2019
Categories:
rectum, crazy, funny, sad, sorry,
Form:
Rhyme