Best Pew Poems

I went to church today,
I began to stand as the music played.
My hands rested on the pew in front of me,
 they moved across the wood so free.
How many people sat in this pew,
wondering what they would do.
Some smiled as a baby was blessed,
Others sat...

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While poking around in an old tree trunk
I came nose to nose with a stinky skunk
He suddenly raised his tail
Twas' such a horrible smell
For my wife said that I stink, stank, and stunk...

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You know there's more to life
than what meets the eye
when you're sitting on the amen pew.

It's the worldly things
that you pass by
When you're sitting on the amen pew.

There's more to church
than just being seen
and when you shout "Amen"
that's what you really mean.

What others may think
just...

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There was a bishop whose sermons were boring  
Seven hours long made members begin snoring.  
The bishop took offense
But he had no defense.
Busted bladders had warped all the flooring....

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I deem it important to attend church for my spiritual maturation.
I really savor the fellowship of a loving and caring congregation.
I especially relish the potluck suppers and other social interactions,
But even in this worshipful scenario, there are bound to be distractions!

Now, I don't mind the...

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I'd go to church 
Every Sunday
Often find myself there
On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Friday

oh! what am I but just a glorified Church goer;
A modified, glorified, pew sitter;
Oh! God, help me, Lord;
I don't wanna be just a pew sitter;

Praising you inside this church building;
whom am I but...

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dare not say how you excommunicated me from your life
a spoken word became as absent as bones in a sharks body
a smile which once created smiles now creates eternal strife 

the way you spoke French to me and bragged of icebergs and rocky shores
How you...

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Now we all know
there are a lot of animal's
who are either endangered
or extinct...
but I wouldn't mind
the skunk
added to the list…
reason being,
they literally stink…
and if does happen,
then they'll be exStink!...

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Pepe Le Pew
Quest for love he would always pursue
But his over enthusiastic romantic way
Is rejected by a skunk look alike who keeps running away.


Penelope Pussycat
Smothered in kisses and squeezes she would always combat
A black cat with an accidental painted white stripe 
Penelope knew she wasn't...

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(This fictional poem is based on the cartoon character.)

I called the police and reported a rape and they rushed to where I live at.
But they beat me with their sticks when I told them that the victim was a cat.
Somehow my cat got a long...

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one cold winter night,
resting on the golden pew
deeply lost in your thoughts
voice of loving prayers
soft and shiny rainbow lights
distance between you and i
an alluring mystery
a heartbroken agony
where are you Neel?
mischievous grin
deep eyes
melting like caramel,
my soul resides within you
maneuvering  ways to my heart
quirky eyes catches...

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After so many at the World Trade Center died
And after the carnage in the Bronx every night
Coming over this trail of blood like tears
Where that angry disenfranchised foot, booted
Start the course of searing pain down the inner thighs
The fetus left in tumult on the floor,...

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Bless me father for I have sinned
I went to church and then broke wind
Not sure of what to do
I sat in my own pew
Then prayed for the smell to rescind

10/07/2021
May The Gas Be With You Farts Part 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Chantelle Anne Cooke...

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Always Do at a Pew

God who I know up in a cloud
To You, I will have my head bowed
And at church will kneel at a pew
Like all Episcopalians always do.

Thy power as precious as it may be
Open up my eyes so they may see
And also...

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In the religion
Of the pigeon
Possessing a feathered pinion
Stands as proof of the opinion
That the pigeon holds dominion
Over all creation

For in the Holy Word
Of this enlightened bird
It is the avian creed,
That not intelligence, but speed
Is the gift that God decreed
For this, His chosen nation.

So in their...

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