Observations From My Pew

I deem it important to attend church for my spiritual maturation. I really savor the fellowship of a loving and caring congregation. I especially relish the potluck suppers and other social interactions, But even in this worshipful scenario, there are bound to be distractions! Now, I don't mind the preacher pounding his pulpit to gain attention, Or the occasional "amen" from a dear sister for her comprehension, But that feller across the aisle who always sings off-key and out of tune, Sounds like a murder of cranky crows or an out of sync bassoon! I thrill at a great rendition of "How Great Thou Art" by the choir, And the crescendo of the organ as it grows higher and higher. Even the woman belting out her mezzo-contralto doesn't bother me so, But that feller across the aisle who murders "Amazing Grace" has got to go! I can tolerate little children who holler and scream now and then, Or the occasional raucous ringing of a cellphone now and again, But I approach congregational singing with little or no anticipation, When that feller across the aisle brays, "The Churches One Foundation!" I don't mind the snoring of the guy who occupies the pew behind me, And I can abide the pastor's profound homilies to a certain degree. But how I dread to hear that feller's odious and tuneless strain! (I suppose I could move to another pew to ease my Sabbath bane!) Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)