Best Perp Poems
Wyatt Berry Stapp Earp
knew how to snag a gun totin' perp,
loved the ladies, but never liquor.
He was a habitual ice cream licker!
For Kim's Cleri-who? Contest, 5/31/15
Categories:
perp, history, silly,
Form:
Clerihew
Brick had seen his share of hospitals
and had been to Saint Cecelia's more than once,
on occasion, a perp would get banged up
you know, during an arrest... on occasion!
He was just waiting for the X-Ray results
before he made his way home, but he had
to make a couple of calls after he got kicked loose.
First he had to make a call to Bill Lipton,
one of the suits from the 31st had seen him at the hospital
Now it seems that Bill's Lieutenant was leanin on Bill,
guess his Captain was runnin for some office and was
afraid to have one of his boy's involved in the
Shadow vigilante case, in case it didn't get solved
and tarnish his record, Like I would ever let a case go cold!
The second call, was gunna be to a pretty Blond
by the name of Erika La Plant, an EMT who gave him
her number in the bus on the way to Saint Cecelia's
But first.....Brick! the Doctor said as he entered the ER room
look's like you have a couple of bruised ribs there.
Just keep them wrapped up for a couple of weeks
or so, and you'll be fine, if you take it easy that is,
But I spoke with a Sgt. Lipton when they brought you in
and he said you were kind of stubborn and rough on yourself
so it might take a little longer, try not to get into any more fights!
Ok Doc! You got it! Can I go now? Yes Brick you can go!
here are your discharge orders, and a prescription for something
for the pain, I suggest you get it filled, you'll need it!
within a wink of an eye Brick found a phone and called
the Cowboy, the phone only rang once, Hello Bill Lipton here!
Hey Cowboy, I hoped I'd catch you, think you could come
get me, and give me a lift home, so I can get my car?
I may have a date later! Who would that be with Brick?
oh let me guess! the blondie from the bus , right?
Her name is Erika Billy Boy, and yep, that's the one!
Oh hey! what's this I hear your Boss is up your
keester about our Black clad ole buddy?
You ain't thinkin about pullin a runner on me are ya?
Now just hold on to your suspenders pardner! I ain't
a goin no where's we got us a score to settle with our
ole pal. I'm on my way...Click..the phone went dead.........
We're back in the Samauri Saddle, Watch for Robert Dufresne's reply..
Categories:
perp, imagination, me, me,
Form:
Narrative
Catch a career criminal,
get them to confess
Pin a few extra crimes on them,
put some old cold cases to rest
Let your pet CI
help you to collar a few more
Then hustle to your date at the morgue
with the hot-looking, frosty coroner
There's a body on a metal slab,
there's a lot of blood on the floor
It seems frontier justice was administered
to a perp coming through a citizen's back door
Just another day in the life
of a big city cop
Crime never takes a holiday,
crime never stop
Chasing those breaking bad:
running the red light, cheating on their wife
Gambling late at night with their life
Ed liked meeting the crooks with the bad attitude,
he would flash them the badge ... if they resisted,
let them taste the bottom of his shoes
He liked mixing it up with the thugs
when they tried to flee, spraying the hot lead
He liked giving street punks the hard hug,
slapping the bracelets on
as their rights were being read
Just another day in the life
of a big city cop
Crime never takes a holiday,
crime never stop
In the line of duty, he once had to kill a man,
a meth head robbing a gas-and-go store
He had a death wish, wanted to go out in a blaze
But before he leave,
he was gonna burn a few more
That was the one part of the job Ed didn't like,
he'd rather bring them in alive, send them to jail
Maybe they'll turn their life around,
once they realize penitentiary's a living hell
But sometimes when you're not given a choice,
the grave becomes the final underground cell
Just another day in the life
of a big city cop
Crime never takes a holiday,
crime never stop
At the end of the day,
when Ed takes his holster off,
he gets to lay down in his bed
and finally feel something soft
Categories:
perp, courage, culture, image, jobs,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
I hear a cry from the kitchen:
“Who did it? Who’s the perp?
Who dumped down this slime and sludge?
The garbage disposal went burp!”
Contest Name: Your Best Quatrain
Sponsor: L. Milton Hankins
Categories:
perp, humor,
Form:
Quatrain
I got a neighbor
who has a dog named Spike
And there are two things
that mean ole dog don’t like
Spike don’t like cats,
and he don’t like clowns
Especially the cat burglar ones
The sneaky ones who try to come around
and steal his beloved master’s possessions
They try to get in the house
through the window or back door at night
You best believe that Spike
is gonna greet them St. Bernard right
Round about the late, late show hour
is human drumstick snack time
Spike is salivating ...
waiting
to take a bite out of crime
You best believe that
news has spread underground
Cat burglars beware:
200-pound fury is policing around
Spike is gonna dog collar
any perp
who try to enter
his territory unannounced
Categories:
perp, dog, funny, humorous, pets,
Form:
Light Verse
The place, New York City, downtown Brooklyn. The time is two thirty in the
morning, the job, stake out, Red Light district, yeah, you know the place, full
of full of vice, graft, corruption and every other kind of crime. Oh Yeah ! name's
Rodney, Rodney Townsend, my friends call me Brick, don't ask!
I'm here looking for what we call at the twenty third, the Rip. Just our name
for a modern day "Jack the Ripper" Real nasty, I've seen his work, see I work
for the Vice squad, detective sgt., so I got the lucky draw for this assignment,
Six women in all dead, sliced and diced, with one exception. Last week, in
Central Park, same MO, she got lucky....she lived!
In the report she kept saying something about a shadow, a shadow that moved
like the wind.She said this "shadow" attacked her attacker. She said the shadow had a "
Big sword" and took one swing and killed the perp. But when the cops got
there they couldn't find a body, gone, lots of blood, no blood trail, no body. I went
to the park to check it out, nothing much to go on there, strange!
Damn, I gotta go, just heard a scream not to far away. "William thirty Baker, requesting
back up at Lindsey and forth, by Momma Spinelli's bakery" Rounding
the corner, " oh my God" "William thirty Baker, I got a dame covered in blood, and
it aint hers. I also got a stiff, better send the wagon.
One look at the stiff tells me he's been cut, cut deep! From neck to knees, and
he's colder than ice in a scotch on the rocks. "Lady, ya wanna tell me what went
down here?" That's the first thing us cops ask, ya know. A.......A.... Shadow, it...it
was just a Shadow" " Come on lady! " And it had a....a.... Sword!!!!
The Samurai Returns
To be Continued!!!!!
Categories:
perp, imagination, satireme, me,
Form:
Narrative
I get a call and baby's out fishing
ADT says there's something fishy
I told the girl that I'm on my way
this is not what I needed to end my day
no windows broken, no doors unlocked
I creep in, take the Taurus from the box
I check the whole house by myself
all looks good, just like it was left
I answer the door, it is the cops
I said I'm armed and I'm not in shock
I'm putting it down cause I see his car
he's just there to protect me from harm
I check every closet, ever single nook
I'm making sure that there is no crooks
ready to shoot, loaded for bear
hollow points loaded to protect my lair
all is good, there isn't any perp
I pour some wine after I take another look
climb in the spa, it's been a long day
I'm not going to put the Taurus away!!!
This is a true story!
Categories:
perp, adventure,
Form:
Classicism
Scared
by Odin Roark
Fear saved the fly
The spider wept
Fear kept men alive
While Napalm paved the way
Fear keeps the 1% insulated
Handlers and mental bodyguards
At their beckon call
The mongrel on Manhattan’s frozen streets
Knows well the virtue of fear
Yet
Never will we see our species
Handle being scared like an animal
Where the lesser evolution will defend
We the sentient superiors will think only offense
How beautiful
How heart wrenching0
The defense elephants
Rhinos
Big cats
Exert to protect only that
Which is their province
Their instinctual responsibility
Wanting not to harm the perp
But only to ward off the aggression
Escape to safer surroundings.
Why does man feel he must instigate aggression
To justify his superiority?
Why do we continue our behavior
Moving science
Technology
Mind set
Ever closer to android resolve?
Might we be so complacently satisfied
We ignore the advances of AI?
Are we really so consumed with the media clap trap
We’re becoming more and more ignorant of information
Vet proof stats that tell us
Wake up
And yet
To sit in a quiet attic
Observe the simple
Yet perfectly designed survival
Instinct of the spider
Is to become aware
It’s all about living in harmony
Not acrimony
Wait patient spider
What you need for another day of survival
Is but waiting
Love nature
Or perish
Categories:
perp, philosophy,
Form:
Free verse
Bill was barely out of the car when Brick pushed the
accelerator to the wood and screeched around the
corner into an ally hitting several trash cans as he did,
He also heard the distinctive sound of a cat disturbed
as it was in search of a tasty morsel to fill his stomach
Brick was looking up at all the fire escapes as he drove
to see if the perp was using them as a way to get away.
He picked up his portable radio and called to Bill, Cowboy
this is Brick, you got him ? No I don't, I lost him He runs
like the wind, Don't think I ever seen anyone run so fast
I would stake my horse he headin for for the roof pardner
Well then Cowboy, head for the roof, I'm at the back of the
building now, will get this creep, I'll wait here and by the way
that horse of yours aint much of a stake, more like a fleabag.
Brick slammed on the brakes and got out headin for the door.
Brick just made it to the back exit when the shadow man came
flying out the door and Brick was right in in his path.Brick hollered
" stop" Police" Then lightening struck, The shadow man hit Brick
with a round house kick square in the center of his chest,
needless to say, Brick went down like a Brick..Yea I know, lets move on
Bricks breath was found in the Queens a week later his head
was spinning and he was about to go to sleep. His mind was racing
the shadow was gone. The next thing Brick remembered was hearing
the Cowboy's voice, Can you hear me ole buddy? where is he?
where'd he go ? Hang on I got a bus coming, I got your piece.....
To be Cont. by the Cowboy...........
Categories:
perp, mysteryhorse,
Form:
Narrative
It was a steamy morning when Brick rolled out of bed,
Not sleeping well the past week or so made it worse
This whole Samurai thing was eatin at him
That's why he sent that package to his old buddy
Bill Lipton over at the 31st Park prescient
Bill was a Texan by birth, Divorced from his wife he
decided a move as far away from her as he could get
was in order to remain sane he was a Texas Ranger
and the 31st was glad to have him, for like me he
never gives up the hunt and Samurai was going to be just that
The 31st was the prescient that controlled 2 Parks
Prospect Park all 575 acres and McCallen with just
over 350 acres. Both had wooded areas, bike trails,
jogging trails and other activities which made them
pleasant enough places during the day.
However at night it was another story altogether,
It seemed that the prostitution activity was picking up
and along with that so was the pimp and drug activity
Pimps are not known to be very nice to their whores
and we know the Samurai does not like that sort of thing
So I thought it time to enlist some help from my old
friend Bill, I am confident that together we will
put the bag on mister slice and dice once and for all
at least that's the plan, I know it won't be easy because
the robed perp hides in the shadows,so that's where we look
I asked Bob Dufresne to collaborate with me on this I thought it may be fun
Let us know what you think
Categories:
perp, mysteryold, me, old, drug,
Form:
Narrative
one seventh heaven fantasy of this middle aged hetero
sexual mwm would be to take the playbook of the late
(recently deceased) Hugh Hefner. Said reverie constitutes
servicing a gamut of women, whose plethora in numbers
constitutes insatiable sexual propensity sans propinquity
perp hussy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
despite mine middle aged (baby boomer) mwm base line
balled (though non bald) sans truth, isle be quite Ernest
and frank to state boldly, how thine bass concupiscence
trumps ambience, dalliance, essence, fragrance, generates
hefty indulgence (je nais se quois) juice kissing libidinal
makeup nursing omnipresent phallic quintessential reverent
seduction triggers unflaggingly (leaving me starry eyed for
stripes sakes) vision watering x2c (to the x power of infinity)
yielding zesty adulterous blessed coital consummation,
delicious expeditious fulfillment, generous gentle hormonal
insouciance, judiciously kneading lusciously marvelous
natural occurring pleasance, quiescent radiance, rousing
somnambulant threnody ushers victorious waltzing X-rated
yearning zeal to take a page from the playbook of the very
recently deceased Hugh Hefner housed within the PlayBoy
mansion. Game gamines gestalt gifted gonads, gopher
Categories:
perp, butterfly, desire, devotion, freedom,
Form:
Free verse
The place, the Twenty Third Precinct, Brooklyn, Vice. Detective Rodney Townsend,
The time, four thirty a.m. Report of incident, death of one John Doe. Ally on the
fourteen hundred block, Forth street. The deceased IE; perp is a white male,
approximately thirty five years old with lots of tattoos, some of them are kind of
indistinguishable. Hair, black, Mustache, black...Lots of rings.
The victim, person attacked, Maria Wiegold, tagged for prostitution seventeen
times in the past five years, was apparently in the process of being beaten and
strangled in said ally. She said the perp had a knife, the Homicide boys said
it was a flensing knife, I had to look that up. Flensing knife, I'll have to remember
that. The perp was struck down before he could kill her. Is this the Ripper?
I think we got us a live one here, in a manner of speaking. Maybe the killings
will stop now, by the Grace of God! " Yo, Brick"! " What do ya want Mikey, I'm kinda
busy here. " I done some checking with the ME, and your ice berg aint the Rip" He's
the broads Pimp, name's Gino Rondo" " arm long rap sheet, attempted murder
more assaults than I can count" " Your lucky you can count to ten Mikey, and
that's with your shoes off" "Awe Brick, cut it out, will ya"!
" Cheese Whiz, Mikey, I thought we had this one in the bag" " You always was a
hard luck story Brick" Yeah, yeah, I'm goin down to the Morgue, check on our
stiff. " William thirty Baker, central, show me 10-9 at central morgue, I'll be on
portable if you need me" " Central, William thirty Baker, will do Brick". Yeah....
" Hullo Doc"! " Hello Brick"! " I'm here for the skinny on my stiff" " You mean MY
stiff, don't you"? " Well....the Skinny as you call it, is, One cut, powerful, downward
thrust, begins at the breastbone and ends at the groin" " Very precise, almost surgical,
except"! " Except what Doc?" " I don't know any surgeons that
use a sword to cut into people" " You sure Doc?" " Quite sure Brick, I've seen
something like this before, in Japan...If I miss my guess, this was done with
a Japanese Katana".
Samurai !!!
Categories:
perp, imagination, satire
Form:
Narrative
Here she come in a cloud of rage.
Who?
Violet.
Shut up, you know that’s my baby.
Hovering with her beauty as we speak.
She crazy man, she crazier than Sofia.
Monica, why show sour grapes for
my love of violet?
As a friend I have to tell you
that you sound plum, stupid.
As long as I can be her Prince.
Be her pick from all the shrub,
as music, strums.
She weeds through the fog, the haze
and with hungry eyes, see…
Ernie, you know how many
sorry saps that love Violet.
So, whine.
Throw an almost stormy fit
because you’re squished feelings are
comical to the girl with the long loosie.
Sit, calm they’re all pictured blue
for that tan, bimbo.
You mad cause she accidentally stomped on your donuts
that one time.
You dang right and how can you accidentally stomp donuts?
Well anyways for seasons as skies turn
she's always posted like she's the shine for the end of days.
Smirking at your egged face.
So plant it boy. Perp...pull back.
She don't want you.
You're not that girls primary focus.
2/14/18 "Sunrise and sunset" - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Silent One
Categories:
perp, art, aubade, word play,
Form:
Rhyme
Do you know the guy
who works his rear
right out of his jeans??
Then I have a tale for you:
This is my town---na -na--na---na!
Crack Police on the scene
{Ordinace --crack slack}
In pursuit perp.,
with K-9 crack sniffer,
Jack Rabbit Russell.
Tracking exposed crack
via baggy butt or belly
by apple strudell overload!
Also can be rendered
crack slack via no thought shopping!
Sentenced to one week in the crack house!
Gives crack patrol
a whole new meaning
***Watch out in your small towns!! There are new ordinances forbidding baggy pants
or skirts below the natural waist---HELLO PEOPLE!! Where will the madness end??
What next --fine mothers for breast feeding in public?? The working dad with a little
moon shine?? Absurd!! ABSURD I SAY!!
If your girls or boys fall out of those baggy pants---I WILL LAUGH MY GUTS OUT ALL
OVER 'EM!!
Thanks to my hubby and son for a little poetic humor advice!
Categories:
perp, funny, philosophy
Form:
List
Lindsey, Lindsey, Lady Spy
Are you ready for the next thriller?
Can you pin down this horse fly?
Lindsey, Lindsey, princess chiller
Found no clues, no motives,no reason why
Lindsey, Lindsey, community pillar
But you're the reason that we die,
Lindsey, Lindsey, perp driller
Have you been sleeping with a killer?
Categories:
perp, murder, mystery,
Form:
Rhyme