Best Pecs Poems

I used to like barbells, enjoyed pumping iron,
   my Nautilus* gym was one happy environ.
Those posters of 6-packs and marbled biceps
   inspired me to start counting carbs, pounds, and reps.

My trainer would coax, "hold as long as you can!"
  ...

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Breasts, boobies, knockers, **** – call them what you will
We are talking about breast cancer – and sadly it can kill

The key to success with catching the disease is early detection
Remember boobies aren’t just funbags to give a fella an ********

Breasts can be appreciated in...

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JEANIEMAC
Rub a dub dub two in a tub.
Where did the soap go?
He lay back flat
Right on his back.
While she fiddled about below.

TIM SMITH
Rub a dub dub I fell in the tub.
I swear to you Lassie it's not always a stub.
The water is cold.
I'm getting old.
Come...

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The Cyber Nymph
Loch David Crane
August 18, 1997

Lie back--expose your belly ring		
up unto the sky. . .
I just hope when I get down close
it won't put out my eye!

That summer I was 48 
and she pert 25;
I left Prozac in the cupboard 
and Reality went Live.

I...

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Former Spice Girl, known as Mel B,
will no longer judge the show, AGT.
Labeled an addict of sex,
she enjoyed the male performers' great pecs!

March 21, 2019 for the Clerihew Contest
for Tania Kitchin's Celebrity Or Famous Person Clerihew Poetry Contest

(AGT is acronym for America's Got Talent, one...

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It was a nightmare of a boat trip
I almost choked to death on an orange pip
They did not strain the juice well
And from a small pip, I gasped for air and started to swell
If it weren’t for a crewmember named William Patel
Well…
I stayed in bed...

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Big fight
Last night

Clyde's Bar
Bizzare

Tough guys
Streetwise

Much brew
Fists flew

Thrown chairs
Pulled hairs

Black eyes
Loud cries

One bloke
Nose broke

Heads bashed
Teeth trashed

Knives slashed
Pecs gashed

Cops came
To tame

Powwow
Peace now

All's well
That's swell

Great fight
Last night


...

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Monah Kaur and Robert Kumar fled from London, came to ‘Hindustan’; tied the knot
The 'Singhs' stopped their songs and 'Kumars at no. 42' burnt their studio; this rebellion; they will forget not
A petite piece of land was gifted by Uncle Prem to mark their freedom
With...

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I sense a Napoleon complex
As Joe the canary his wings flex
He stretches tall and proud
Squawks and shrieks really loud
At the Seagull who has huge, huge pecs  ...

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Ambitious once, a baseball pro,
   For sure I thought I’d be,
But games I watch now let me know
   Old men are just like me.

In fact today to Minute Maid
   I went to cheer the ‘Stros
And harshly learned all those...

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The sight of his pecs made me quiver
I was trembling and all of a quiver
To get his finely toned body
Became his life not his hobby
But in the bedroom he couldn’t deliver

He was thrilled when I cooked him a meal
I hoped his body he’d later reveal
But...

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Another day at the gym,
Pumping iron for the swell.
Aching muscles feeling grim,
As I put myself through hell.

Boneless chicken that I bake,
Egg whites keep me lean.
Protein powders in a shake,
With a dose of creatine.

Heavy squats inflate the quads,
Bench presses for my pecs.
Arm curls to increase the...

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Is your mind in the gutter,
full of what you shouldn't utter?
  Or perhaps it's your conscience
  which eats you alive with slanderous nonsense--
  about your ex, matters of sex, or your neighbor's pecs?

Heh-heh, join the club, bub.
You're not going to drown in...

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WINDOW SHOPPING AT THE GYM

pomp flex
                  smooched pecs
                    ...

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Today, l went whale watching
I was left in complete awe
The magnificence of these beautiful creatures
Hugged my being to the core

Their amazingly huge yet graceful bodies
Playfully breaching into the air
Slapping their pecs in the water
To their own grandeur… oblivious and unaware

It was a truly special sight...

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