Best Nipper Poems

Some spider webs in our house
Are permanent installations
That have been up there so long
I’ve named them constellations

The largest is Webus Major
Made by a little nipper
That crawls around all day long
On what I call the silk dipper

One of my faves has got to be
The Arachnadromeda shape
And...

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When I was just a nipper
My Dad used to take me to the barbers
The Barber would put a board across the chair
so I was higher
and he could cut my hair.

It struck me
how the barber was as bold as a coot
shuffling around in his brown smock
barbers...

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No one knew that Mavis was a stripper,
They thought she worked at Tesco on the till.
Most folk knew her since she was a nipper,
No one knew that Mavis was a stripper.
A woman always cheerful and chipper,
She twirled her tassels publicly, but still
No one knew that...

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No one knew that Mavis was a stripper,
They thought she worked at Tesco on the till.
Most folk knew her since she was a nipper,
No one knew that Mavis was a stripper.
A woman always cheerful and chipper,
She twirled her tassels publicly, but still
No one knew that...

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As Women now have more power and rightly now have a voice
In the western world there are many more opportunities
Than there used to be and so much choice.

While men are today unashamedly in touch with their feminine side
And are now at last allowed to cry
Men...

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A dingo ate my baby 
It came into the tent
Gobbled up my kiddie
Farted, then it went

The dingo ate my baby
It’s a terrible disgrace
It swallowed up my nipper
And it didn’t leave a trace...

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I wrote this after a conversation with an old retired fisherman whilst sitting on the harbour wall at Mousehole in Cornwall, UK ...

The old man sits by the pots on the wall
He looks out to sea and remembers it all
Although he's retired and now lives...

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WET POOCH
Soggy
Doggy

A SLEEPY BEAGLE
Droopy
Snoopy

PEDIGREED DOG
Real Fine
Canine

NOISY LITTLE ANKLE-BITER
Yipper
Nipper

A DACHSHUND WITH A SHINY COAT
Sheeny
Weeny

A COURAGEOUS DACHSHUND
Moxie
Dachsy

A DISGRUNTLED LABRADOR RETRIEVER
Crabby
Labby...

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Jack the Ripper,
As a savage nipper,
Possibly slashed his toys,
And didn’t play with other boys.

Jack the Ripper
May have liked kipper,
But he ate a kidney one day -
Or, at least, so people often say.

For Andrea's Show me the Funny contest, Part Two
Originally for PD’s clerihew contest...

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Luna Mutt Natalie’s Puppy


Little Luna licked a lot of lamb lollipops.
A lot of lamb lollipops little Luna licked.
If little Luna licked a lot of lamb lollipops, 
Where’s the lot of lamb lollipops little Luna licked?

Mama’s mutt makes many melodic muffled musings.
Many melodic muffled musings mama’s...

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baby
powdered, pampered
crying, smiling, crawling
bambino, bairn, nursling, nipper
playing, laughing, sleeping
cuddled, cherished
child...

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One day in early summer Murphy the Irishman came to town,
He rode upon a matted mule , his face was burnt and brown,
The corks that hung from his bushman's hat persuaded flies to keep away,
But his matted mule and his faithful dog were exposed to...

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Bee-Real


As I flew up, into the air, 
I looked back one last time at the hive.
All the bees were standing there.
Some were happy and proud to see me go; some were still crying.
As they held handkerchiefs up against their noses,
I saw the twinkle in their...

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Ralph the garbage rummaging raccoon, found Nipper the cat at Buttermilk Saloon,
he had been suddenly sadly jilted and bleeding heart was extremely wilted.
Decided to stay out with the toms all night, to avoid a cat lover’s feline fight,
she saw him with her cousin in the...

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Forget-me-not sprigs
for the nipper of figs
and dandelion soup set a boil
The sycamore tree
leans ever toward me
crowned in humility: loyal....

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