Best Newt Poems
Higgledy-piggledy
Newt Gingrich
So loved his country
He betrayed his wife.
Whilst berating Bill Clinton
Incontrovertibly.
His run for presidency
Now full of strife.
I must state
That I am great,
I have a crest,
I’m simply the best.
Oh yes – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
I am brownish black,
With warts all over my back,
My orange tum has black spots
It looks just like join-the-dots.
Oh my – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
If I lose a toe or a leg
Another one grows instead,
My spots on my tum
Are different for everyone.
Oh wow – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
Being an amphibian is great,
I can move on any substrate,
Beneath rocks I sleep
And under compost heaps.
Oh yawn – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
In Winter when the year is late,
I need to hibernate,
In Spring I awake
And to water I take.
Oh gulp – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
I do a dance when I mate,
The females think I am great!
Up to 300 eggs are laid,
Not all hatch though, I’m afraid.
Oh boy – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
I have to be careful of fish
As I make them a tasty dish,
I come out at night
As Earthworms I bite,
Oh yum – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
Being a Newt is cool!
I might live in your pool.
But please don’t touch
I’m rare, as such.
Oh dear – I’m a Great Crested Newt!
My species is protected
So I must not be collected
Look after me
Or there won’t be
Any Great Crested Newts!
I wrote this when I was 8 years old, on 28th May 2013.
Terrorism conjures fear
Like witches stir a brew.
Both have dire circumstances
When the day is through.
Bombs that blow and planes that crash
From devious devices
Are the modern eyes of newt,
Which crones toss in as spices.
Panic percolates and boils
And fills our souls with dread.
Beefing up defenses
Makes us paranoid instead.
Terrorists plant seeds of doubt
Which worm inside the core.
Like a sip of poison,
There’s no need to do much more.
For when that fear’s inside us,
He who conjured it must grin
And cackle like the hag who knows
Her potion’s lodged within.
Stay away from a rough-skinned newt
Their poison skin is deadly, it will make you toot.
Better to linger near an angry bandicoot.
Or go to Sam’s house and watch him play his flute.
If the newt comes near you, run off and hide.
His poison skin is deadlier than cyanide.
“Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”
? William Shakespeare Macbeth The Witches brew
I’m hungry, sounds good to me~ I sure hope it’s gluten and dairy free
A newty knit a net of knots and thought it rather fitting.
But knew he not, that naughty newt, that nets are not for knitting.