Best Loudmouth Poems
Mighty proud was I
with me lumber in one hand
my brick me carried in the other
I placed the brick in the barn yard
tall side for gained height
balanced the lumber board on top
I am silent and of Scottish temperament
You see folks
my feathered pet cock
was cock a doodle do-ing all day long
yapping and yelling
ranting and raving
the other farm animals had all had enough
action demanded
I place the ol koileach
at the end of one side of the board
all while smiling at the brainless duine beag
immediately I jumped on the other end
sending that whiny ol cock mid air
into the sea
he drowned
Ah what a wonderful day ladies
I shall meander onwards
among the heather and moor
my brick magically transformed
to fine woody scotch
oh what tales I shall tell
if tomorrow ever comes
Categories:
loudmouth, funny, humanity, humorous, inspiration,
Form:
Free verse
Me barber’s still one of them blokes who lives the school of old,
using methods quite old fashioned to what modern trends unfold,
so with scissors, clippers, hot towel, then lathered with a brush,
he’ll shave you with a cutthroat, though never in a rush.
And he offers further benefits, if you’re that way inclined,
for just a couple of extra bob, you get your shoes well shined,
and while waiting for your turn, you can read a magazine,
or tune in on conversation, while his razors shaving clean.
He sells those huge cigars as well. I think the Cuban brand!
And there’s Californian Poppy that the young won’t understand.
Wafting through his barber shop is the smell of after shave…
And today there is one customer, who wants to misbehave.
He’ll be in the chair before me; I have to put up with his rot,
his voice is loud and won’t shut up, intimidating all us lot,
so when his time had come, we hoped he’d give us all a spell,
then he demands a shave and haircut and to shine his shoes as well.
I watched the barber lathering, before he beckoned with a call…
then this beautiful young woman came and stood in front of all.
The barber mentioned “Here’s a customer, wanting you to shine his shoes”
and when she bent down to do the job she gave some awesome views.
The loudmouth couldn’t help himself; he had to open up his gob.
He mentioned to the pretty lass, that when she finishes her job,
they ought to sneak away together, and book themselves a motel room,
but from the lass who shone his shoes, a shock’s about to loom!
She smiled into his soaped up face, and gave his shoe a pat,
“I’m sorry sir, I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.”
“Your husband!” Scoffed the loudmouth, “Use your commonsense!
Tell him you’re working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.”
The lass raised her brow and gave a grin, then his shoe a final wipe.
She stood up and took a deep breath before replying to his hype,
“Your offers pretty good” she said, “I’ll go and get my hat and coat,
but you can tell him if you like… he’s got the razor at your throat.”
©2005 Lindsay Laurie
Categories:
loudmouth, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
A rainbow once said
To fall falling in cascade,
What use loudmouth made
When silence can say a lot,
Wordless, when the words cannot.
_____________________________
Tanka |25.06.2021|
Poet’s note: A deep thicket of green forest surrounds a valley wherein falls a cascade piercing the tranquillity that reigns otherwise. In waters gathered in the valley before flowing away as a river, a reflection of a rainbow peeps out as if to say something to the noisy waterfall. And this Tanka gets born.
Categories:
loudmouth, rainbow, silence,
Form:
Tanka
The loudmouth cowboy was challenged by an inebriated Doc Holiday.
"Draw your weapon sir," slurred the doc, "I'm your huckleberry."
"You're drunk as a skunk," said the cowboy, "probably seeing double too."
Mr Holiday responded, "Yes sir, that is very true,
but I have two guns,.. one for each of you."
Categories:
loudmouth, history,
Form:
Rhyme
MIRACLE!
Now hear sports prime time
“Amazing! Spectacular!”
Just two of the words
“Hey! You gotta be kiddin’”
Does he know how to play ball!”
“One of the greatest”
Some say he IS the greatest!”
Just incredible!”
“Bob that’s some kinda atha-lete!”
“Three hundred pounds of muscle”
“It’s a miracle!”
“You mean HE’S a miracle”
“He’s at the fifty –
Forty thirty twenty-five
Reverses field at the five
STUPENDOUS RUN A TOUCHDOWN!”
WHAT AN ATHA-LETE!”
The magic words spilling forth
At top of his lungs
Had you pressed the mute button
Just another game
But the fans love noise
The roar will deaden the mind
Loudmouth has said squat
Has stated the obvious
Big mouth says “Watch but don’t think”
....................................................................................................
I am an avid football fan - especially college football - the poem is not about disliking football, but about some - not all - of the brainless announcers.
Categories:
loudmouth, sportsfootball,
Form:
Tanka
You are the hummer beside me at Carmen
The source of BO on the airplane
A loudmouth divulging the plot at a movie
And the noisy drunk at the concert I saved for all year
You are the Gilligan on my island.
You are the pop quiz in Organic Chem
And the idiot doing 48 in the fast lane
You're the spider I found in my salad
After I'd already eaten half of it
You are the Yoko in my Beatles.
You are the rain on my wedding day
And the fleas on my dog
You are the virus infecting my computer
And the cop writing tickets in the desert at 3 am
You are the Dalek in my TARDIS.
You are neither friend nor lover
Yet you never go away.
It seems my fate you'll follow me
Until my dying day.
Categories:
loudmouth, analogy, funny, humor, metaphor,
Form:
Light Verse
The generous seas do roam vividly,
And sacred words spoken earnestly.
People suffer and people go to war,
I just hope these words will go afar.
Yesterday I published a FREE book,
Indeed a feat of altruism, no crook!
I suffer in silence in every moment.
I have no money to publish a stunt.
I was just hoping for word-of-mouth
And email propagation as loudmouth.
Book is at: http://bookbooster.com/newage.htm
I accept feedback just at: percarus@hotmail.com
OFFICIALLY THE MOST ELOQUENT STORY TELLING POETRY BOOK EVER WRITTEN
-ALL NON FICTION- (This spiel typed in the spur of the moment - God Bless you)
Categories:
loudmouth, history, humor, inspiration, peace,
Form:
Sonnet
I am a tree,still talking like a loudmouth
When no one is around, I silently shout
Understand that I am a den of pessimism
Fantasizing, dreaming of fresh prison
Let’s see who remains to listen
How many left? Seven? I am guessing
Life is sweet and deceiving, it’s a female vocal
Time is fluid and slipping, even so called
Friends are deceiving, I remain local
But the pollution is everywhere, heaven’s slogan
Want to kill myself, face the final judgement
Still I am attached with roots of attachment
Earth is a king size dust bin
Just then
I thought who the hell cares?
To think about earth’s welfare
Skies full of smoke, humans don’t play fair
Consume, till you walk around with grey hair
Skies full of smoke, hearts full of pain
If you think you are alright, you need to think again
Ride around in cars, and you prefer
To crush people who thought footpath should be safer
And how clever
You promote a slogan, “this world is your”
To skip responsibility, you are pure
Water, you take the shape of the container
My earth? Not your, you are late dinner
Difficult to digest, I insist, read the norm
Don’t come out of burning hell or ground, you still warm (worm)
My dear, where are you from?
Where do you live? Mars or Venus?
Is taking care of family a big menace?
Categories:
loudmouth, earth,
Form:
Personification
I am tired of being punished for the actions of others.
I did not rob you.
I did not hurt you.
I did not do any wrong by you.
Do not hold me accountable for their actions.
If someone else was a loudmouth
It is not my fault.
I have no control over other peoples actions.
I am not their keeper.
I am me.
I am only responsible for me.
I am not the stereotype.
Don't treat me as such.
See me as I am.
Not as they are.
Stop punishing me for their actions.
See me as the individual that I am.
Put your hate and ignorance aside.
Treat me the way I deserve.
Look at who I am.
Judge me for MY actions only.
Stop grouping me.
Stop taking my individuality away.
Do not blame me for what they did anymore.
I am an individual.
I expect to be treated as such.
Categories:
loudmouth, lifeme, me,
Form:
Free verse
He loves being incorrect,
politically and otherwise
He revels in how bad he disrespects
anybody who don’t agree with him
His supporters staunchly defend
all of his boorish behavior
His critics call those supporters,
his crutch enablers,
who don’t have a leg to stand on
If you don’t believe me:
give the Tweet Man your phone
Watch the foul characters he spew;
misogynist alphabets demeaning
women with gutter vitriol
Dignified manners he don’t like ‘em at all,
calls them soft and weak
So Obama lite, so meek
That ain’t the way he Wolfman speak ...
So incorrect is how he love to be
Don’t feel he ever needs to apologize,
stretching a little disinformation into a big lie
Said he woulda won the popular vote,
if the voter rolls hadn’t been compromised —
Three million border illegals snuck in line,
that’s the reason why
Political incorrectness is his spot of tea;
boasted that the England and German female rulers
were dumb as can be
And of course, he’s the smartest man in the universe,
just ask him yourself
Aside from the obvious bent truths,
he has a skewed self-image view
Being so incorrect got him the crown he will crow,
with profanity laced utterances coming out of his throat
A bad seed loudmouth wearing bully pants —
ain’t no doubt about it, decency never had a chance
He’s so vile, so morally suspect ...
spitting bifurcated words so incorrect
The sadness of it all: history will record
how bad he flunked the leadership test
Too many incorrect answers, I presume
Categories:
loudmouth, humorous, parody, political, satire,
Form:
Light Verse
I was in a bar in Texas,
in the eastern back-country,
with three beers already inside
and another draining quickly.
It was a perfect redneck bar,
the kind of place I love,
with sawdust on the floors below
and taxidermy up above.
A man drank in a corner,
wearing a battered hat.
he said nothing to no one,
and I was thankful for that.
For in the center of the bar,
a loudmouth proudly raged,
boasting of his magnificence,
impervious to pain.
He mocked folks obnoxiously,
as drunks are wont to do.
His three friends only laughed,
three sheets to the wind too.
The braggart faced the corner,
said,”Hey, it’s the yodeler guy!
I saw him last Oktoberfest,
his voice is womanly high!
“Come on now yodeler,
show this bar what you’ve got.”
The yodeler said,”If you don’t mind,
right now I’d rather not.”
But the drunkard only fumed,
and slammed his hands on down
on the yodeler’s lonely table,
sending his beer to the ground.
Yodeler got up very slowly.
“That’s better now, my bro,”
said the drunk as he got up,
“Give the good people a show!”
Yodeler broke into a song,
bight and clear and full of grace,
then he shot a tree-trunk jab,
right into the drunkard’s face!
The drunkard fell, his friends charged,
Yodeler threw out his elbows,
knocked two down and the other
he grabbed by the throat.
Quick jabs rained upon the man,
until he could not see.
He fell to the ground hearing a
“Yodel-eh-hee-hee!”
Yodeler stomped one who rose,
and another then ran away,
But the drunk had come around,
and glowed red, flush with rage.
But Yodeler kept yodeling,
and waived the braggart in.
Braggart charged, Yodeler swung,
catching him on the chin.
Three men lay on the floor,
the yodeler stepped over them.
That night I learned never to cross
a true yodeling champion.
Not a lesson with much use,
that I readily will admit,
Much like the time I learned clog-dancers
don’t take kindly to bullspit…
Categories:
loudmouth, anti bullying, bullying, drink,
Form:
Narrative
Murder was served at the table.
The fellow is dead, not stable.
Page turned, nothing could be subtler -
Suspicion fell on the butler.
It was the salt and peppering -
It’s clear his oversteppering
was found out this night…all knives out.
Stone cold - the butler gave a shout.
The poison sealed the rim of glass
to coup de gras the loudmouth bass.
Another page was turned, we’d learn
the butler’s dead - a great concern!
The guests, now accuse each other,
but one by one they fall. Bother!
Who hates them all? Who’s caused this strife?
One’s still standing - the butler’s wife!
The reader, glares at the writer,
declares it was a nail biter.
She tells the author to drink up.
He hopes it is a loving cup.
7/21/2022
SPONSOR: Joseph May
Contest: One In Five 2
Chose #2 - SUSPICION FELL ON THE BUTLER
Categories:
loudmouth, murder,
Form:
Rhyme
It’s been another bad day with the slots,
looks like I was the only one with the “Hots!”
The machine stared back with complete onus,
I put another Benjamin in and still no bonus.
This scene repeats itself time after time,
with musical wheels after my last dime.
Found a paying machine, it turned into a joke.
Both sides have players who continually smoke.
Players who slap, rub and cuss the machines,
need to be hauled of by the U.S. Marines.
Oh, did I mention when someone hits a jackpot,
it always goes to a loudmouth, idiotic, crackpot!
Truth be known, I’m hooked and I don’t know why.
Should I just drop off my coins and never even try?
One good spin clears memories of a hundred bad others.
Losing money makes you hide in bed, deep under covers.
Why I still do this I could never really say,
I just save up money to go back every day.
I guess I’ll shut my mouth and stop rambling,
knew it would happen after my state legalized gambling
Categories:
loudmouth, funny, loss, satiremoney,
Form:
Rhyme
I wonder ...was JESUS CHRIST. Betrayed by a loudmouth
Who didn't know when to just SHUT UP.....
THERES A TIME FOR EVERYTHING JUDAS
Categories:
loudmouth, anti bullying, art, betrayal,
Form:
Bio
The Non-Sublimininal Criminal
High Priest of Hypocrisy
The Diplomat of Draft Dodgery
The Great Example of Paying Test-Takers
The LoudMouth of Wealthy Fakery
The Main Proof of Miseducation
The Nanocrat of Non-Payment
Potentate of ***********
Sultan of **** Patronage
The Grand Probah of PooPoo
The Big Wheel of Blather
And Salesman of Bull-puckey
High Lama of Skullduggery
The Master Purveyor of Inaccuracies
The Pride of Misrepresentation
The Scion of Misdirection and Nepotism
The Black Knight of Spite
Grand Lizard of Hate and Bigotry
The Fometer of Torment
Master of Catastrophe
The Master of the Quick Disaster
The Worshipper of War by Proxy
Lover of Lies and Liars
The Promises of Pusillanimity
The Handmaiden of Bribery
Worshipper of Massive Greed
The Purchaser of Fake News
The Dandy with Unseen Clothes
The Undead Ghost of the Capitol
The Horrible Haunt of the Presidency
Embodiment of Embracement
The Shamelessness of Gross Shuckers.
Categories:
loudmouth, corruption,
Form:
Free verse