Best Id Est Poems

I got friggin heebie jeebies

Cuz buzzards circle o'er me
eyeing these lovely bones prithee
id est Roy L. T. Canard, Si
hence impossible mission 
to be lovey dove vee.

Vague remembrances of dream  
which recurred with frequency
transfixed by Sir Real majesty
shows me and the misssus evicted.
 
Hum habitually...

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The howling winds of March

Furious gusts of air
mightily blow bestirring anchored poet
sitting comfortably numb
securely strapped in his hard to maneuver
easy bath chair
while all around him debris
strewn helter skelter everywhere
heavy objects unmoored
pirouetting topsy turvy

defying laws of physics
cue Adam Smith
courtesy his invisible hand
eulogizing, kickstarting, and regulating
unseen cogs...

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Mein kampf analogous to one long run on unparsed sentence fragment

Heavily punctuated - hyphen
to embellish poetically
with bracing circumspection,
I markedly exclaim (parenthetically)
cumulative elapsed LXIII obits
around the nearest star
dashed by at lightspeed,
and quoting James Thurber
storied fiction titled
My Life and Hard Times,
me a period study courtesy Paul Sachs
(in...

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Please help yarn hexed door neighbor...

Yours truly pinned down by invisible 
vestiges of coronavirus and
getting attacked from angry plague 
of buttons, plus huge spools of yarn
grossly mistook me for human sock 
to seal and line with something foreign
sewing lips impossible mission 
even to force out...

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Future time traveler looks back one century ago

The following poem tweaked 
courtesy original author who crafted
literary endeavor some couple years ago.

Now circa August 20th, 2122, 
or 1930 military time,
yours truly attempted 
drafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd, 
nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite...

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Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time 
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks 
on porcelain throne id est 
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening
to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself in the holistic experience
for the pure love of bucket flushing...

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As a bouncing baby boy
syne of tragic travails in the offing tolled
courtesy analogous bell think Pavlov's employ;
yours truly me mama's apron strings rolled
secure around stubby fingers brought joy
created and garnered webbed wold
between she who helped beget me thru ploy
constituting biological reproduction.

Peter Pan syndrome
not recognized as...

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Destiny doth accompany, deliver, inveigle America...

Smartly, squarely, summarily into
pall bearing sized hands Helena Handbasket
adorned with Aconite (Monkshood) atop casket
signaling demise, née sealing freedom
(of life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness) fate
with eternal bondage super glued gasket.

I attribute more'n syzygy nsync
with blind faith disproportionate 
Republican-controlled Senate
Trump hen...

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When does phenomenal moment of existence occur...?

Otherwise titled: Regaling eldest sibling
delineating her sixty third successful orbit
around the sun December first 2021.

About consciousness who can tell
After haploid gametes
able, eager, and ready
to yield eukaryotic (diploid) cell?

What triggers instantaneous
biological, ideological, ontological process,
when microscopic entity
housing protoplasmic substance
future offspring features...

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Circa April 17th, 2120, or 1820 military time,
yours truly attempted crafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd, nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite spry, still considered prime
(moost procreative, prodigious, and progressive)

stage, since (case ye didn't know) approximately
eight score orbitz round Earth's sun still noontime
chronologically...

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Circa February 12th, 2122 ~ 10:30 PM

Equals twenty one thirty 22:30 military time
future time traveler looks back one century ago,
oceanic waterways overladen with green slime,
yours truly attempted crafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd, nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite spry, still considered prime
(moost...

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Book cause I spend an inordinate amount of time reading...

out loud.

As a hypothetical argument 
yours truly doth not aim
to be unfortunate recipient
of misguided, misjudged, and mislaid blame,
nevertheless I make dubious claim
and baldly recede (ha – hair ye, here ye) 
from heady assertion 
to make bold...

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Future time traveler looks back one century ago

I exhibit health and virility at one hundred and 
64 years astride planet earth, whereby spouse,
(who remained married to yours truly for about
one century – which elapsed in blink of an eye)
long since gave up the ghost, which...

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Scotch Tape Sweepstakes

The easy to handle
sticky sided material
made of a variety of materials, including
cellulose acetate, polypropylene,
PVC, and adhesive
(alluded to in the title)
applied in an innovative manner
allowing, enabling, and providing me
the means and ways to affix paper bags
artfully, carefully, and gingerly
paper folded over school books,
which requisite...

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Rigorous sphincter ani externus muscle workout

Amidst the rubble strewn landscape ruins
courtesy healthy helping of prunes
linkedin to derrière issuing
melodious flatulence classical tunes,
yours truly renown buttuck blaster,
possesses wide ranging repertoire
ofttimes employed
as poignant powerful score
within battlefield documentaries
trademark trumpeting tush
indistinguishable from authentic
soundcloud moaning mortal wounds.

Far and wide taketh me
courtesy...

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