Best Guv Poems

I have no beef with Halloween per se

     Tho' 'tis like a vast guv-mint giveaway

          'Tis a scheme to spread the wealth

          ...

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Believe me,
                                          Just watching...

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You're my hero this month, Dianne.
You brought down your unfaithful man.
"Luv Guv," now your ex,
was wild about sex.
One staffer was his greatest fan.

A text meant for her went to you!
Months later you'd bid him adieu,
but first you'd make dang 
sure hubby would hang.
Your quiet "campaign"...

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THE BLACKING OF THE HOLE
Hello! Mars!
Are you there?
We got some money for you down here!
Do you need some foreign aid
I tell you what we'll do
there's lots of money comin in
we'll beam some up to you!
And if you need some more someday
our address is NASA BLACK...

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First the bunnies came en masse
and chewed up all our fine green grass
the students had to watch them mount
and they multiplied till we lost count

Now, the deer are out of hand
they've overrun our fertile land
if they're not culled, and soon, we fear
there'll be no roses...

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Poem 9/11

Believe me,
Just watching my TV
News Flash!! Skyjack! 
New York City Centre,Jet Crash. 
Check that.
News Call,Broadcast stall. 
Drop the headlines!! 
This is the new line 
Look up on the Skyline   
Flash,Bash,Crash 
Right on the building top. 
Biff Baff Heart attack, 
On another line...

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For years preachers have ranted and raved to control the activities of hookers!
Well, I'm proposin' that the guv-mint control the sale and use of pressure cookers!

We've seen the havoc these lethal weapons wreaked upon Olde Boston Towne.
Congress should act, now that the furor over gun...

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Guv, tell me, not without the reason
our Moscow in the fired treason
was burnt and left for French.
Oh, there were fights I see their splendours 
so awesome and we have the embers,
No wonder Russia still remembers
Borodino’s black trench!

It was the time there were the people,
The modern...

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Rudolph's nose shines frosty bright,
Relations will be cool this night
He raps a hoof on Santa's door
And says we feel we should earn more

If we're to work on Christmas day
We must insist on double pay
And if we do not get our way
We'll just refuse to pull...

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[Warning - This Acrostic may contain profanity…
I have checked and I couldn’t find any, but, well
something’s just kinda niggling me… honest guv]


Heroes of the ‘super’ variety
Often disguised from polite society
Lovers, fighters, angry blighters
Yesterday’s pilots, freedom fighters

Feline-like women that purr just like cats
Under the radar they...

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The mayor and guv’nor did clash,
Both feeling empowered and brash
And we all await
In city and state
To find out whose credit will crash.

The mayor says schools will be closed
‘Til September, which we all supposed
But the guv, standing tall,
Said it wasn’t his call
And implied he, for now,...

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Susie teetered into Bill’s office, wearing a skintight miniskirt
Sat on Bill’s knee for dictation. She was an outrageous flirt
Soon Bill was smitten and couldn’t resist her ample charms
He forgot about his wife and kids and fell into Susie's arms

That was the lusty beginning of their...

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Well, here comes the sheriff and his boys a-strollin' t'wards my cell.
I say adios to the cockroaches, fleas and rats I've come to know so well!
"Lord, I want Ya to take care of my Ma and Pa and my little darlin' Nell.
Have mercy on my...

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A leopard found a shepherd who was looking after lambs
The shepherd had some sandwiches with different flavour jams
The leopard feeling peckish thought he’d steal one tiny sheep
So he snuck behind the shepherd and that’s when he made his leap

But the shepherd he was wily and...

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Alas, due to the insidious coronavirus situation,
The guv ordered barber shops closed for the duration!

Now, I suppose that is of no concern to a bald-headed bloke,
But since I still have a few strands on my skull, it ain't no joke!

What am I to do sans...

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