Best Geico Poems
A gecko who represents GEICO
My fame sure continues to grow
And because I am cute
I have money to boot
Who’d guess I’d been raised in a ghetto
Insurance I’m in, so let’s begin
Assessing your worth, to your chagrin
No policy covers
That place where you hover
Think we insure bats? You’re mistaken!
*NOT a contest entry
Categories:
geico, animals, funny
Form:
Limerick
People would do almost anything to make it to the top, even using steroids. This type of drug has been used by all would-be professional athletes and actual professional athletes since the 1980s, even behind the backs of their beloved fans. Professional athletes (Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds, and the late Chris Benoit, e.g.) have been using a lot of steroids before they wrestled, played baseball, rode bikes, or whatever. Everybody knows that using too much steroids have real consequences, even the the courts are involved. Steroids will make one angry, the kidneys start to shrink, one person becomes aggressive, and so on. Using steroids will also cost one individual's life, a chance to play for one of their favorite teams (Dallas Cowboys, e.g.), family, fame, everything. Another term for a use of steroids by professional athletes is "doping." Sooner or later, their fans will find out about their steroid use. And when they do, the young ones who've looked up to their favorite athletes and trusted them with their lives will have been seriously betrayed. Using steroids is considered cheating, especially when Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong have been using them behind the backs of their loved ones and their fans. Now I know why I never played sports and/or used any of those illegal drugs, let alone steroids. It seems that these athletes can't even earn their way to the top, that includes not using steroids. The only reason why these professional athletes have been using steroids is because their coaches and physicians told them to, and they really should've got caught making their star athletes use that illegal drug. Even Vincent K. McMahon, who was the chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment (formerly the world Wrestling Federation) had forced Hulk Hogan and other wrestlers to use steroids. All types of steroid use are starting to make everyone very, very sick. Did everyone know that if all professional athletes are caught with a lot of steroids and needles that they were going to get arrested. Steroids are to be banned from all of the sporting segments forever. And if all athletes continue to use steroids to cheat their way to the top, thereby getting more money and endorsement deals like that of McDonald's, Progressive, Geico, and other name-brand sponsors and whatnot, they've got another thing coming.
Categories:
geico, health, on writing and
Form:
Epic
Geico's Gecko is a strange little dude
Talking funny and strolling in the nude
But be that as it may
I'm sure he earns his pay
At selling insurance he's mighty shrewd
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Categories:
geico, funny,
Form:
Limerick
He carried the oxygen from one room to another but the smallest effort cost.
The air was fresh but the breath wouldn't catch and coughing.
He wondered how his plan was left unfulfilled.
He had used every human he had ever come in contact with.
And now after living with his sister and her husband for thirty years he was finished.
This was his life and the cough.
He sat stirring his coffee and ate a pastry with his tooth.
That was what he had one tooth and his famous cough.
He was a professional and his lung had quit.
No one had told him that the lung would do this but it had.
Most wouldn't believe he professionally coughed but the cough did.
And that is what mattered and smoking.
Smoking and waiting to die was all he had.
Lying in the hospital bed and staring at the tv screen.
The doctor said the cancer had moved into the lung.
He said that he wanted to run the test but medicare wouldn't pay for it.
Should have got that insured by Geico and wanting a cigarette.
This is a true story about my Uncle Charles who is alone but for my Mothrer ,Father and Me
Categories:
geico, funny, cancer,
Form:
Light Verse
G;Geico commercials B;(you knew this was coming); Billy Mays commercials U;
hour long imfomercials
G;Big, juicy homemade hamburgers B;White Castle belly burners
G; Best fast food place;by far;All American, Massapequa N.Y. (check it on web-
always, and rightfully rated number one B-white Castles (ugh;belly burners!)
G; Music played with syyle and heart B; Gangster rap/ Disco
G;Family gatherings B;Alone in a dingy room
G;A nice warm shower B; Having no showerhead
G;Staring at TV test patterns for hours (told ya I was weird) B; Gamey game
shows
G;A nice warm sunny day B;Heavy rain and your roof leaks
G;Creativity B;Malicious destruction(other than a Billy Mays tape)
G;Cooking and eating with family /and/or friends B;Alone with a bag of pretzels
G;Enjoying swimming at the beach or pool B;finding a great white shark in your
pool
G;Words of love and encouragement B;Mean words of anger/hate
G;Good poetry B;My poetry usually
G;Peaceful sleep all through the night B;Cronic insomnia U;Being awake for 8
days (as I too well know...one's mind turns into oatmeal)
G;a love of beauty B;Loving your own beauty
G;swiss or cheddar cheese B;Limberger cheese U;Liederkranz (ugh! clear the
house!!)
G;A full refrigerator (including Tootsie rolls) B;A rerigerator full of food expired 6
months ago, and now home to strange new species
G;Catching a mouse B;doing the same, but with your teeth
G;Courteous drivers B;New Jersey drivers
G;Religious faith B; Fundamentalist extremists (of any religion)
G;Room deodorizer. B;Dirty unwashed socks your air deodorizer
G;A trusting marriage B;A busting marriage
G;Acoustic guitars B; Acoustic torpedoes
G;M&Ms B;BBs
G;good books used as tools B;Mediocre books by fools
G;Cleavage B;Seepage
G;Being in a band onstage B;Overfilled audiences leading to rage
G;Jessica Simpson's looks B;Jessica Simpson's mental acumen
G;Eddie Murphy on stage or screen B;Eddie Murphy in real life (I know!)
G;Being loved and adored B;Being lonely and too bored
G;Some money in your pocket B;Your finger in a socket
G;For Bush to get a Lobotomy B; News of Bush's colonoscopy
Enough for now folks. Have a painless day!
Categories:
geico, funny, imagination, inspirational, life,
Form:
List
It all started in kindergarten with cowboys on them
Next came Smokey and the Bandit's Trans Am
Collected a pair Doris Day once wore
Took a pair from the garbage at the curb next door
While most people are Jonesin' I am Sammin'
When night time is my time I can secretly be pajammin'
I have a pair from Frederick's of Hollywood on order
A pair from Taco Bell with their slogan, Make a Run For the Border
An organic pair made out of Poison Ivy, that I will never wear
A pair from my Psychatrist asking is Anybody In There?
From Janet Lee's suitcase in Psycho
A pair with the Gecco from GEICO
A pair I wear only during the NBA season so I can do some dunkin' and slammin'
I am definitely a closet case when it comes to pajammin'
I have a pair directly from the WWE
A pair designed by David Hasselhoff, now that is scary
A Richard Dawson pair from Family Feud
A pair from Nancy Grace with her quote, "Some Other Dude"
A silk pair from the weaves of China
Speaking of weaves, I stole a pair from Aunt Jemima
A pair from Captain D's, they smell like fish, I mean they are really clammin'
Nobody would appreciate a good, solid, living on the edge type pajammin'
Once again I appreciate the night when it arrives
Sometimes I get so excited, it gives me the hives
So where is America's understandin'
I see no get togethers for us who are obsessed with pajammin'
Categories:
geico, funnynight, night, time, kindergarten,
Form:
Although most pets are cuddly and furry
Like playful pups and kittens furry
My choice of pet may astound
Not many of these around
But this one needs little care or worry
At the risk of being called a weirdo
My pet of choice is a scaled, green gecko
Florida swamps filled with flies
Cockroaches grow giant size
Request already denied by GEICO
These reptiles hide away during the day
They require no food; on insects they prey
Geckos don’t warm laps at night
Dine on pests that fright or bite
And your insect fears they’ll surely allay
*For Francine Roberts’ “Pick a Pet” Contest
Written July 3, 2011
Categories:
geico, animals, funny
Form:
Limerick
Wouldn't it be strange if all of a sudden that Allstate Insurance wizard,
Got choked up and began speaking Aussie like unto that little lizard!
Conversely, wouldn't it be mighty odd if the Geico Gecko should,
Elect to speak in those sonorous tones be be understood!
Folks would be perplexed determining if "You Are In Good Hands" assurance,
Or "It's So Easy A Cave Man Can Do It 15 Minutes Could Save A Bundle" insurance!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Categories:
geico, funny,
Form:
Couplet
I came back from a cold windy walk
Off with my mittens and hat
And coat and boots
On with the tea kettle
I opened the box
“Lipton - 100% Real Tea Leaves
Serve Hot or Iced”
Oooo not ‘iced’
I don’t even want to think about that!
“72 Tea Bags
Decaffeinated with Pure Spring Water and Effervescence”
Effervescence? What is that? Fizz?
I do not want fizzy hot tea
Just plain hot tea, if you please
“Net Wt 4.7 oz (133 g).. “ OK
I opened the lid to put the individually
Bagged teas…
To put the bags in the glass jar
On the shelf
I opened the box and smelled the gentle green
And happily removed the cardboard separators
-the bags are placed in rows
With two little ‘walls’ between
Which I use for book marks
Fresh green-smelling book marks
And I noticed more writing on the underside of the lid:’
“Why is there a frog on my tea box?”
Beside a picture of a frog
I closed the lid
Sure enough, there is the same picture;
Only smaller; so I didn’t notice it
The little green frog is framed by the words
“Rainforest Alliance…Certified”
Nice to know the frog is a certified frog
The lid goes on to explain that the Lipton
Tea has been grown on “Rainforest Alliance Certified ™
Tea farms…to Protect the Environment, Improve Quality of Life; and Improve Worker Welfare…for more information…please visit liptonforthefuture.com or reainforest-alliance.org”
Wow! What an answer!
The first things that came to my mind
With the question
(In case you forgot, “Why is there a frog on my tea box?”)
Were:
1. An elephant wouldn’t fit
2. The gecko is taken (see Geico car insurance ads)
3. Cats don’t drink tea – although they occasionally sniff mine
4. Fish are too wet… well, come to think of it, frogs live at least part-time in water… scratch that… except that I don’t care for fish, and I’d probably return tea with fish on the box
5. Why not?
It is a charming question
It is a cute frog
And the tea is good; especially when drunk to accompany
A hot buttered biscuit with cinnamon on top
I sit back in my grandfather’s old chair
With a book and a cat on my lap
And drift off to sleep
“Why is there a frog on my tea box?”
I think that’s silly
The more important question would be
“Why is there a frog in my Christmas tree?”
But that’s another story
Categories:
geico, introspection, fish, , cute,
Form:
Narrative
BREAKING NEWS:
There are unconfirmed reports that, while filming a new advertisement campaign, (on location), on the island of Flores in Indonesia, Martin the Geico Gecko, was eaten by a local komodo dragon named Varanus. Initial info suggests that Martin was taunting the komodo, but that is NOT yet substantiated.
Details are just emerging, but it seems Martin, whose body has not yet been found, (pictured here just moments before the tragedy), was initially bitten at a post-shoot party given by relatives, and was later attacked and eaten on his way to the Bintang Flores Hotel, after succumbing to the effects of the initial bite.
In a surprising twist it has been discovered that, even if they DO find his remains, his immediate family has no means by which to provide a funeral service or decent burial as, (according to a family spokesman), they are "just lizards" and have no regular income, (please contact the family if you'd like to help out).
Even more shockingly, they admitted that Martin was sadly "uninsured" ... so tragic. Let's pray this is just a hoax, and that the "little green bugger", (as he's affectionately called by his agent), has simply wandered off in a state of instinctual bliss. We're told this DOES happen sometimes with his particular species.
There is, as yet, little investigative information or hard evidence for authorities to proceed with, as the only witness was a rare Mascambing Cockatoo, who has since mysteriously vanished without a trace. Before its disappearance, however, the cockatoo was heard by many people as repeating Martin's last known words, ad nauseum, "Eat me, dragon! Eat me!"
They DO have the primary suspect under surveillance. However, due to the slow digestive habits of komodo dragons, it may be some time before any "solid" evidence emerges, and even LONGER before they can find a forensic specialist willing to analyze it, (it's a rather messy business, that). Please watch for further updates.
Categories:
geico, animal, humorous, satire,
Form:
Free verse
Mr. Gecko,
You are not Geico
Mr. SoBe,your name is not Ghecki.
Mr. Wiesman, your heritage is not Gargoyle.
Lime illuminating, advertising
Chirping, adhering to the humidity covered pane.
Hemut Stump toed comrade,
Licking lidless membraned eyes,
Perfected coned vision.
Wafered padded setae,
Suctioning eight times his body,
straddling atop sleek blades of greenery.
Dwarf extinct.
New Zealand`s lost treasure.
Delcourts Gecko remains King of his reptiles.
Self copulation is an unfortunate reality,
when you are a handsome neon lizard.
Categories:
geico, animals, nature
Form:
Free verse
Those people at Geico think that we cavemen are fools.
We don't appreciate their condescending commercials.
When I saw those commercials, I was shocked.
They think I'm stupid just because I sleep on a rock.
My cavemen buddies and I are really pissed.
But we do enjoy having Talia Shire for a therapist.
They think I'm primitive just because I carry a club and scratch my butt.
Why do people think that we cavemen are idiots?
Categories:
geico, funny, people, people, people,
Form:
green anole leaps,
high wire act sans net, and laughs ~
at Geico gecko
—————
The green anole (a-no-le) is native to the southeast and likes to hang out in trees and on walls.
Categories:
geico, animal,
Form:
Haiku
Iguana wants to be a player
Geico commercials didn't hire this slayer
Apparently he's too green
To counteract the green screen
So Iguana puts on shades
Then moonwalks and prays
The Gecko breaks a leg on Thursday
And hopefully doesn't regenerate the next day
Categories:
geico, animal, funny, giggle, green,
Form:
Rhyme
While out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
despite without doubt...
if closing distance
(to reach rental abode)
beaten out by loosening sphincter muscle
transmitting excretory code
set sights on prowl for outlawed, secluded,
and wooded make shift commode
and essentially for naught negating
toddler toilet training, sans
getting potty trained undone
via my tushy ready to explode
and blast immense solid waste byproduct
(oh...close to the size of Rhode Island)
thus a marathon race against time
found immediate readiness to pull off roadside
to access make shift water closet
generating image firmly in pooping mode
grabbing hold of a tree trunk
(a mini rocky horror picture show, -
this analogy included for no particular reason
other than as a non-sequitur)
and also to convey, how I tried
to allay distractions
while painful contractions flowed
(perhaps approximating woman
on verge of giving birth)
but...no matter, aye could envision,
an ever increasing heavy m*****f****** load
hence approaching Highland Manor Apartments
this chap abandoned
prior simultaneous evacuation plan
starkly aware probability for secluded spot sunk
(nonetheless, thy darting darting
anguish, futile lizard like lookout,
a geico Gekko whose cheeks did blush
even for a measly Georgian bush
quickened nsync with rectal spasms
visual scouting industrialized
where backhoes didst crush
once a time sacred happy hunting grounds
of native Americans, now royally flush
with newly built vinyl city re: urban sprawl a gush,
where cookie cutter houses long since bringing hush
puppies muzzled, yet never the less and mush
a doo doo about nothing) except sprint
ting to the verizon with a void push
immortalizing indigenous tribes ghosts rush
peopling infrastructure affixing
urbanization with lamb basted,
and sigh lance warrior whoosh!
Categories:
geico, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Enclosed Rhyme