Best Funnyage Poems
There was a nice lady named Bess,
Her age not many could guess,
Because when she put on her face,
Her age did erase,
But left the bathroom a mell of a hess!
Her husband was an electrician for hire,
He sat on a generator and licked a wire,
He toathted hith tongue,
And burnt up hith bung,
And now he always thits fire!
( I'm sorry. I tried hard but could not find any moral to this story.)
Relentlessly the years go by.
As if it were an evil crime,
Defensively I bravely try
To fight the ravages of time.
As if it were an evil crime,
I'm giving age the old heave ho.
To fight the ravages of time,
The lines and grey will have to go.
I'm giving age the old heave-ho,
Defensively I bravely try.
The lines and grey will have to go.
Relentlessly the years go by.
For Jared's Pantoum contest.
I have open my heart and free my mind
I become one with us
And one with time
I have connected to life
As it connected to me
Oh my lord I turned 17
Yes a age
Of happiness an joy
R rated movies will be my toy
Curfew is lifted
As I am old
This is just the beginning I am told
Now this may seem silly
Yes indeed
But can you remember when you turned 17
Its a landmark
An age of time
All grown
Well.. in a years time
2010
gave me this gift
Wrapped it up with a kiss
Now, now
You may say “what?”
“It been a whole year
more things should have filled with you cheer.”
But nothing such happened
In this year combine
I continued life, nothing to divine
So the age of 17
Has occurred
Now 2011
Should be much more fun
The gift of 18
Has begun
Oh I cant wait for this magnificent gift
But for now I shall say
October 24 was the happiest day!
Note: October 24 was my Birthday
Using the Right Word
By Elton Camp
The doctor knew Robert was ill-at-ease.
“Young man, ask me anything you please.”
Robert gulped and looked at the floor.
He actually did want something more.
“It’s a small surgery I want you to do.
I’m a strange age for it, it is very true.”
Then his decision to the doc he related.
“I’ve decided that I should be castrated.”
“Boy, do you realize what that will mean?
To be done at your age I have never seen.”
Robert shut his eyes and his face turned red.
Gathering his nerve, this is what he then said:
“It should have been done when I was small.
Way back then, it wouldn’t have hurt at all.
But I have decided to have it done now.
So to my wishes I demand that you bow.”
The doctor sighed and rolled his eyes.
The decision, he felt, was most unwise.
Since Robert would not be defeated,
Next week, the surgery was completed.
Robert was lying in his hospital room.
Man in the other bed had a wail of doom.
“What wrong that that guy there, nurse?
About all he ever does is moan and curse.”
“His pain seems so awful in his eyes.
Because the doctor had to circumcise.”
Robert’s eyes lit up and with a drawl:
“That’s the very word I couldn’t recall.”
"The difference between the right word and the nearly right word is the difference between
lightning and lightning bug." — Mark Twain