Best Funnier Poems
the truth never told me a lie; if one writes a thousand poems one has a thousand poems written; everyone sees the sky as blue; Chicken Little is the only one the poet knows to see the sky as falling, therefore, the poet can imagine what it must be like to wonder if the sky will fall on her too. Oh, and by the way it can happen because of you know that law (No, not Murphy's Law ((gotcha)) ), Godel's law. Well, time for a dictionary hey?! And even funnier, the poet doesn't have any screws loosw since the nuts and bolts of the poet are adjusted quite well anyways. Well, scrap that concept, the poet doesn't actually exist except for in some macabre, abstract, poetic, humanistic, peaceful way that for sure will cease within the next one hundred years. Therefore, the poet so shall choose to be the Biggest frickin', flippin' "Dreamer Be" in such a Divine sense as to ponder all things and mark the poet's fingerprints on life in sizzlin' accordance with the poet's law which is as follows: "Skip your mundane penchant for life and live a new existence-- exchange a size small life for a ginormous size dream life!" Skip to the beats with fervid heat. Off my soap box now, the poet puts her words into action-- Lights, Action, Creation. Dreamer Girl gives way to her Big Heart!
Categories:
funnier, dedication, life, life, poems,
Form:
Free verse
I know a creative soul named Jan
She births laughter - it’s surely her plan
Giggles must shadow her
Her wit creates a stir
She’s funnier than most any man
Paean On Poets Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Margarita Lillico
March 26, 2022
Categories:
funnier, appreciation, fun, funny, giggle,
Form:
Limerick
Our annual sisters dinner at the Melting Pot. We pay to cook our own food. The shopping done by the restaurant. We climb into a huge booth, tell jokes, stories, sing funny songs about serious stuff — some sympathize, others laugh not understanding this is a true story. And we divide two bottles of wine.
the cheddar cheese
melts and devours morsels —
we pop into our mouths
Memories made, smiles exchanged. The waiter’s named David, who’s serving another David and he reminds me of a library book No, David, only I say Slow down, David. With one glass of Chateau Michelle this is a funnier joke.
sisters poke the pot —
assorted skewers hold meat
boiling in hot oil
Now I’m feeling like the holiday roast. This is one place that should only be done once a year. We talk some about kids but our families are mostly forgotten as we enjoy the adult bonding. Our sis-in-law was afraid we might add in shots. We did not but the food itself is intoxicating. After dessert we must make it to the car.
the yin and yang
white and dark chocolate
sweetens fruit and cake
12/17/2018
Categories:
funnier, food,
Form:
Haibun
The Roses are Red
The Violets are Blue
The sunshine has got in me
And the Devil has, too.
The Sunshine’s hit Dragon
Oh what will we do?
He poo’d on my Roses
Oh I know what I’ll Do!
So I Gave him a bath
Most wonderous thing!
He’ll be stuck in the tub…
Come Hell or next Spring!
I know, I know
But The Devil won’t let go!
So I’ll Run to McDonald’s
For them lucky guys
These to bestow!
There once was a guy named Elliot
Who’s funny bone hasn’t broken yet-iot
But never fear… Grandpa Troll is here
Laughing and rolling on the floor like an id-iot
I know… I know… Don’t cry… at it!
Dragon’s the one who wrote-iot
Hey Dragon… I was THE ONE who started writing it… I say!
Well Yes… it WAS funnier that way
Well, OK! YOU WIN… I said with a grin…
Your such a silly Dragon-iot… I said with shagrin
Think he’ll get that one… in the end?
Well, Maybe just incase, I’d better start running… I say
My friends… won’t tell Dragon so it’ll be OK
Well…Maybe?… Naw… No Way!
And No…Dragon! I Did NOT get Carried AWAY!
Naw… No Way!
Categories:
funnier, fantasy, fun, funny, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Led to believe
you'd help me achieve
the grace of a ballerina
a voice operatic
from my usual asthmatic
cackle like a laughing hyena
Distaste despite
I endured your bite
the party with gusto to steer
true state of affairs
via video fare:
drunk, I'm a weirdo, witless and *****
Alone on my porch bench
abhorring my stench
I sit with my head on the pound
in hangover's claws
I glare at the cause:
scores of bottles strewn all around
"I'll drink no more
on wine declare war
as of now I'm calling you quits
thief of humanity
my reason for insanity
'cos of you my life's in the pits."
A-cuss and a-curse
I pick up the first:
"Say hello to the wall of the park
sing your last aria
afore I smash yer!!"
as with a discus fling a wide arc
"Nice tinkle I reckon."
bend for a second:
"You fiend, I'll smash you to bits
you dug me a hole
my life to control
stole the bigger chunk of my wit."
Tinkle-smash-tinkle
my eyes a-twinkle:
"Down with alcohol, scourge of society
to drink is absurd."
smashing a third
"You monster, you stole my sobriety."
"Whoa! Whoa! This one is weighty
unlike your mateys
with you I've never had quibble
in fairness to you
you'll lift my blues
for my woe I don't hold you responsible."
DELYSIA. FOR GIORGIO'S CONTEST.
INSPIRED BY:
"Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier,
smarter, and a better dancer. I saw the video. We need to talk..."
- Anonymous
Categories:
funnier, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Inspirational Quote in Giorgio's contest: "Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer. I saw the video. We need to talk..."
- Anonymous
she has a dear spouse who’s no longer shy
in taste of you, he’s gone wild in a mile
dancing on his feet as if he’s in sky
salsa, hip hop , jazz… mixing them a while
his out of tune songs irk her with wry smile
dancing with him in stinking smell of rum
little by little you’re making him dumb
he has been allowed since he has guts at once
ignoring her lately was a whambam
‘til his demise comes in a short distance
Dec. 2013
Fourth Place
Contest: Impress me with a small poem III
Judged: 3/9/14
Sponsor: Poet Giorgio A. V
Categories:
funnier, addiction,
Form:
Dizain
There's nothing funnier than a cross-eyed chicken
With legs the size of your arm
The Chicken Emporiums would sure love to know
The name of this progressive farm
Aside from the unnerving cross-eyed feature
The implications are really immense
Imagine a leg on your plate so humongous
You wouldn't know where to commence
The cross-eyed feature might cause some concern
If the patrons viewed this poor old bird
Before it was rendered suitable for your gullet
It sure looked hilariously absurd
The cross eyes were caused by trying to eject
A super sized extra large egg
Probably gave the poor brave bird a hernia
Before passing it, for mercy it begged
Such is the way of us civilized humans
Thinking of our bellies all day
Paying no attention to these cross-eyed chickens
As they dance to the hen house ballet
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
funnier, humorous,
Form:
Quatrain
The Deliberate Coin Flip
Wrote a letter to a longtime friend now dead,
asking about other side, what he could tell.
Please my friend, send me a signal if this read
and also let me know to postmark, Heaven or Hell.
Seven years passed, I received not a single word
although I thought I had got several hints.
The was this strange late night squawking bird
that beat on my new car leaving bad dents.
Finally it came, a deep voice asking me this,
why on earth are you still waiting there?
I died, we all are taken right on to heavenly bliss
you should come, leave your worries and cares.
Confused, I asked why he had not replied before
answer came back, "your letter you never sent".
Now that innocent reply my heart it deeply tore,
truly I had not known where his soul had went.
I shot back, friend the postmark you did not tell
so in my usual deliberation I flipped to see.
If tails its heaven and if heads its depths of Hell
now fate is the culprit, certainly its not me.
Now I find its always heaven and you want me to now join
And just to think, I did deliberately use my two-headed coin!
R.J. Lindley
Aug. 9th, 1982
Note- A little humor tossed in, written 7 years after my buddy had died in 1975. He would have laughed and loved it. Guy told the best jokes I've ever heard, he knew hundreds and hundreds of them. Drunker we got, the funnier it all was. If only to be young once again and also see my departed friend. Sometimes we must find a way to laugh so we don't cry.
From my private poetry journals.
Do not blame me, my muse picked this one to post. She claimed she had important people to go meet and I wasn't one of them.
If only to be young once again and also see my lost friend.
Categories:
funnier, appreciation, death of a
Form:
Rhyme
I have a confession to make.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard, or witnessed a case like this
But uhh.
I have a problem with falling for someone too hard too early
It’s otherwise known as blind love syndrome.
I don’t know why it happens but it seems to me like my heart loves too strongly too early.
And there’s nothing I can do about it.
It doesn’t happen with every girl I like,
It only happens when I meet someone special, and there’s a hidden connection that makes me feel as if we are soaring with the gods when we are together.
Or so it seems to me.
The time limit of blind love syndrome is inconsistent, but the only way to know you’ve had it is after it passes.
You’re left feeling that you could’ve done better
Said something funnier
Dressed nicer
Looked more modeler
Been more like that guy she’s now seeing-er.
You’re left lost, yet somehow seeing her happy and smiling again makes you happy.
But you’re heart feels like an empty hole.
Making it hard to breathe because when she was with you she took your breathe away,
And now all your left with are those moments with her constantly replaying in your cinematic mind,
like your watching a movie but the rewind button is constantly being pressed by you because it’s hard to move onto the next scene when earlier you thought what you had together was something so special that only the two of you understood.
But the rest of the movie shows that’s not true.
I just wish she would’ve chosen me
I just wish she would’ve chosen me.
Categories:
funnier, anxiety, break up, depression,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
The Keystone Cops were funny
Chaplin, Keaton, and Fields too.
Laurel & Hardy and Will Rogers
were some of the names we knew.
Who can forget the Stooges
or all the pies we saw them throw.
Who didn't laugh at the Brothers Marx
or Abbot & Costello?
Berle, Caesar, Crosby & Hope
could always bring a tear.
So would Allen, Paar, Kovacs, and Carson
as they guffawed us to the floor.
Gleason had Carney, Martin had Lewis, Lucy had Desi
and Carol Burnett had her crew.
Cosby, Pryor, and Murphy
all taught us to laugh anew.
Cohen, Benny, Diller, Rivers, and Rickles
are names that we recollect.
Who wouldn't fall out of his chair
when Rodney "Got no respect."
Let's not leave out any of the Brits as
Benny Hill, Mr. Bean, and the Two Ronnies were funnier than some.
Their take on humor was a bit different from our own
But that's why we had such fun with Faulty Towers and Monty's Python.
We have had Billy, Whoopi, Robin, and Carlin,
Johnny, Jay, Dave, and too many more to name.
But each still brings us laughter,
Today their job's the same.
They still poke fun at life's human side
as did the jester who first began the gaff.
So, when a comic entertains you...
Be generous with your laughs.
Categories:
funnier, dedication, funny, giggle, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Lloyd and Harry, two dim witted men
they made me laugh, laugh, then laugh again
with their innocent acts
slapstick, gags and wisecracks
I love this movie, well now and then.
Nowt funnier than dumb and dumber
this great film makes me laugh and blubber
so fills my mind with glee
because they are like me
I'm stupid, but a lot chubbier.
3/13/2018
contest, favorite comedy movie,
Sponsored by: Alexis Y.
Categories:
funnier, best friend, crazy, film,
Form:
Limerick
Lucille (“Lucy”) Ball
Her desire for show biz fame is anything but small
Plays the wife of Ricky the Cuban drummer
How she goes about it could not be funnier.
Desi (“Ricky”) Arnaz
A full-time job reining in his kooky wife he has
Loves Lucy with all his heart
And his conniving Lucy is extremely smart!
FIRST PLACE WINNER
written September 29, 2021
especially for "Clerihew 2" poetry contest
sponsored by Joseph May
Categories:
funnier, fun, humor,
Form:
Clerihew
Santa is the grandfather of all children,
he lets them sit on his leg and tells them many stories;
if they are sad, he laughs hard and promises them toys:
they think is funnier than a circus clown!
Santa knows that some of them won't have a Merry Christmas
without a mom and dad who can buy them presents;
others are ill and need love more than dolls and trains
and for them he's got some special to make them smile for hours:
a sleight ride to the North Pole while reindeers wiggle their tails...
over towns, over clouds they fly to reach the land of Polar bears!
Santa is the grandfather of all children, they are the reason of his cheer
and he understands them regardless of their native language;
they hold hands and dance around him singing, " Jingle Bells. "
How happy and proud he seems for that wonderful and precious patronage:
the innocence of the little ones who can and will build a world without fear!
We can be like them by putting our differences aside and be true friends!
Categories:
funnier, children, christmas, grandfather, happiness,
Form:
Rhyme
Hollywood’s Lucille Ball, loved by many,
had an enormously profound effect on me.
She was funny and kind and goofy,
and so wonderful, she lit up my 1960’s TV.
My favorite show of hundreds of thousands
is of her and Ethel making candy.
Until Carol Burnett came along, I thought a funnier
woman could never be.
This gorgeous entertainer will probably never
know the enormous effect she has on me still today.
Many an evening I laugh until I cry at her
funny antics on my TV, I love to watch her play.
Categories:
funnier, nostalgia,
Form:
Marsiya
WELL I'LL BE A MONKEY'S UNCLE
There's a monkey at the zoo,
with wrinkles on his nose.
he doesn't laugh like me, or you,
but thinks we're funny, I suppose.
He chatters silly monkey talk,
I think he's making fun
of the silly way we walk,
and goofy way we run.
His eyes are round and very strange,
his mouth is kind of *****,
but laughs at how our head's arranged,
and how our looks appear.
He plays with food, plays in a tree,
like we would like to do,
I wonder if we're funnier
than that monkey at the zoo.
© Ron Wilson aka Vee Bdosa the Doylestown Poet
Categories:
funnier, animal, people,
Form:
Limerick