Best Flat As A Board Poems

Knee high to a grasshopper
Not an ounce of grace
In a split second he would swap her
For a pretty face

She asked him to play
And drown a worm
Not today, he would say
As he'd fidget and squirm

Swimming in the pond
Flat as a board 
He couldn't see beyond
The appearance,...

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On small chubby legs ---
I placed round colored pegs ---
Into a flat brown wooden board ---
Doing it the regimental way made me bored ---
Red, yellow and orange, on through ---
Is the teacher's point  of view ---
Not at all of a five year old ---
Who's...

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For My Germany Bread Friends and Fiends

About bread what we found to be so surprising,
Flour yeast seemed to find much trouble rising; 
Oh my Lord,
Flat as a board;
Now have been in agony and are aggrandizing....

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Skinny as Twiggy was in
    Flat as a board
  Not a millimeter sticking out
    Not even her pout

  Now it's all about curves
    And 'bubble-butts'
  Sticking out as far down there
  ...

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Suicide is a topic way too serious for jokes. 
Too awkward for many funny bone pokes. 
But Patch Addams was played on this tone. 
By a fighter of demons of others and his own. 

So in the spirit of the Dead Poet Society actor. 
Who...

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