Best Exterminator Poems
Battle Rap
...poet in da house...
Now have a listen, for I’ll be a kissing…I’m on a mission
And you’ll be a pissing your hemolysin…a smelly emission
My words glisten worth the admission…full of ammunition
You’re under submission a life in prison…meet the mortician
Like a magician I’ll take over your vision…call your optician
You’ll be wishing you had a cosmetician…here’s my aesthetician
~~~
Like Mohamed Ali sting you like a bee…crush you like a flea
You’ll sing like a banshee on a screaming spree…cause I’m beastly
Like Mike Tyson run you like a bison…your blood I’ll syphon
Can’t handle my slicing with every word I ripen…I’m the word titan
Like Frank Sinatra and his mafia from Italia…will give you insomnia
In my euphoria and with your apaxia…you’ll be living with anoxia
~~~
You’re an agitator I’m a decorator…a word builder an innovator
I’m a verse creator a rebuilder renovator…a word generator
I have ambition you need a beautician…an ugly position
In my coalition you need permission…luck with the audition
I’m not a hater just much greater…a smooth operator
Like a Terminator I’ll see you later…your exterminator
~~~
I’LL BE BACH!!!
I'm not really a rapper...just having fun lol
May.16.2018
8 Mile Style Poetry
Sponsored by: Nick Trim
Categories:
exterminator, fun, rap,
Form:
Rhyme
"Book Worms" Posted 1 Feb 2021
i'm reading a book about anti-gravity I can't put it down
that bio of Led Zeppelin's guitarist is a real Page turner
don't miss this: "Dummies For Dummies" by Charlie McCarthy and Lamb Chop
i'll admit there is a time and place for books in my hand and right now
in one college course we read books about candy the class was Choc Lit
today I got hit on the head by a book I have my shelf to blame
[humor attribution: all humor found online of unknown origin]
"But Weight, There's More" Posted 8 Feb 2021
for some of us during COVID overeating is a weigh of life
when i feel plump i tell myself i'm not overweight, i'm undertall
those who sell books on dieting are living off the fat of the land
darwin's theory of sumo wrestling the survival of the fattest
during lockdown, i'm on the seafood diet i see food, i eat it
i saw my doctor and asked him what kind of shape i'm in he said "pear"
[humor attribution - all were found online, of unknown origin]
"Groucho Marx Edition" Posted 15 Feb 2021
if i said you had a gorgeous body would you hold it against me?
i would never belong to a club that would have me as a member
be open minded but not so open minded that your brains fall out
i never forget a face but in your case, i'll make an exception
i have had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it
those are my principles and if you don't like them, well, I have others
All humor attributed to the inimitable Groucho Marx
"Occupational Hazards" Posted 22 Feb 2021
my dentist's motto be true to your teeth or they will be false to you
bakers trade recipes with each other on a knead to know basis
I called a budget exterminator he came with a flyswatter
the butcher backed into the meat grinder and got behind in his work
a back- and neck-straightener in Egypt is called a Cairo practer
don't call me a plumber I am a "broker in new and used water"
[Humor attribution - all humor found online, attribution unknown]
Categories:
exterminator, humor,
Form:
Monoku
Poet of Perkiomen Valley
discovered aforementioned titled poem
about thirty months ago he wrote
impossible mission critters to smote
chronic issue yours truly does note
years later meaning today
April 19th, 2022
necessitated we allow, enable
and provide welcome to exterminator
actually management did hote
(obsolete) To command; to enjoin
hazard upon body, mind and spirit,
thus ridding apartment b44
visited by said swarming insects,
his expertise sought to mitigate
courtesy applying insecticide.
Insects created dark shadows
analogous brought outer limits
of twilight zone
resembling edge of night
in truth our one bedroom apartment
at that earlier date
affected, encroached, and outsmarted
by massive infestation of
Drosophila melanogaster light
weight winged worst
pests to eradicate
(scientific name regarding
winged flitting nuisance ignite
mentioned in title) besieged,
inundated, and thickly swarm.
dost primp and pretty
fie themselves (to
attract a witty
mate) during their
40 to 50 days city,
or suburban life
cycle long enough
to qualify for this
quickly written ditty
seemingly overnight
a bajillion biz zee
buzzing adults (each
about 1/8 inch long see
their world wide web,
thru at least one
unusual red eye,
which compound eye
of the fruit fly
contains 760 unit
eyes or ommatidia, well nigh
hapt tubby one of the most
advanced among insects,
where Google search
for home remedies aye
didst find to exterminate
these teeny weeny pests,
plus informational pursuit my
instantaneous curiosity yielded
above mentioned
esoteric tidbits,
sans accidentally disc
covered helpful good riddance
material of household ingredients
restraining me to breathe sigh
of dollop, and hope to try
one or more solutions,
which informed
this amateur entomologist -
listed forthright as:
1. Create a trap by mixing
apple cider vinegar
with a few drops of dish soap.
2. Another homemade trap is to
pour leftover red wine into a jar.
3. Mash up banana slices in a jar, and
cover top with a plastic wrap.
4. Pour bleach solution
into bathroom sink.
5. Detonate atomic explosives
as a last resort.
Categories:
exterminator, 12th grade, absence, animal,
Form:
Free verse
Hi I'm a guest in your home, yes that's right your not along
But, you don't like me
I'll never understand why
When I run across the table I'm only trying to say hi
But you try and hit me like I'm the bad guy
Why can't we be friends?
Come on lets shake hand but if you don't feel up to it I understand
You stand so tall
I stand so small
You should not be afraid of me at all
But when you see us who do you call?
The terminator the exterminator to try to make us leave.
But, all you really have to do is say please
Stop being so mean!
We love your house so nice and warm and the food oh my who could ask for more?
We love living here and would not leave for the world
We love sleeping in you bed even though we may bite you now and then
We only want to be your friend
So put down that can of RAID you'll be a murder if you spray.
Please think about what I have wrote
A poem for you form a unwanted guest a Cockroach
Categories:
exterminator, animals, funny, me, love,
Form:
Free verse
I dominate the mic like a Viking
Stand strong like a champion
So come and place your bets
On this mic veteran
The kid is in to win again
I'm turning u wick mc's into has beens
I'm speaking about them dudes who front on Hip Hop
Dudes like that should be
Stopped, Dropped and Popped
In their tracks
Like a rat in a nap sack
I'll break'em all down
And break their freaking necks
I have no love for a nigga
Who fakes the funk
Talking that gangsta
But his life like punk
Now c'mon dawg its got to be a better way
If u Ain't true to this game then u shouldn't play
Me myself I represent Hip Hop
Suckers want to step up
I bet your bottom your going get your boots knocked
But L, the mighty L
Nigga I'm the truth
Can't u sucker tell
I see fit to get rip and flip the script and kick some ish
To make your head trip
No, No, No
I'll never quite when it comes to a hit nigga
And if U want to battle
It's going to be some ish nigga
That's unfit when you’re dealing with a misfit
Because once you slip your going to get your azz wipe
Like Reginald Denny
get tossed like a penny
The name is Nsideout aka Linnie
I'm a terminator
Terminating u punk MC's
Exterminator
Wiping out u niggas with ease
Eliminate
Put 'em out their misery
Niggas want front or purp a stunt you'll catch a couple of these.
So I say all of that to say this
I'm not a thug or a gangster
But I'm a lyrical genius
So don't believe the hype
IT'S JUST WORDS!
Categories:
exterminator, art, hip hop,
Form:
Lyric
I WISH I WEREN’T A COCKROACH
by
JOHN M. ARRIBAS
I wish I weren’t a cockroach, its no fun at all
People stomp on me, if they find me in the hall
I need to hide in gloomy spots, niches n crags
Arriving at your house, at times in grocery bags
I can not show my presence, during daylight hours
Food you drop while eating, no longer yours, it’s ours
Don’t blame me for squishy feelings, that you deplore
Clean up your bad habits, leaving edibles on the floor
Those wet n dirty clothes, you pile up in the corner
It’s where we meet and greet, a common roach agora
You pay an exterminator, to find out where we hide
Spreads insecticides, in hopes that we will die
You may kill some of us, but no matter how you try
For 300 million years: we know just how to survive
My cousins called German roaches, small n quick
Big ones in Florida, palmetto bugs, wow, that’s rich
We are a world wide, of that, there is no question
And when we multiply, it’s called an infestation
For all these eons, we continue to force our will
But now there is an ominous threat arising in Brazil
Someone uncovered that we’re a source of protein
As a food source, a menace certainly unforeseen
It seems they fry us in boiling cauldrons of oil
We become really crispy, guaranteed not to spoil
Well, that may finally do us in, a grim fatality
Being bred in the open and offered as a delicacy
Being boiled in oil, a fate that’s frightening to me
After considerable analysis, I want to become a flea
Categories:
exterminator, allusion, angst, fantasy, children,
Form:
Rhyme
Finally retiring down to sunny Tampa,
and moving into an old house,
noticed there was a bad termite problem
which I had to trouble shoot somehow,
my neighbor being into exotic pets,
suggested one that would help me the best,
paying him the exorbitant amount,
I took home my new exotic pet,
letting her wander around her new dwelling,
she quickly started sucking up the little pests,
and just like a vacuum cleaner,
even got all the pesky ants,
I thought this was a great investment,
not having to inhale any poisonous fumes,
as my new exotic pet,
followed me from room to room,
I decided to call her Annie,
because I'd become so fond of her,
she was just like an exterminator,
just a more furry one,
the only negative thing about her,
was her long Freddy Krueger like claws,
which I had to trim every other day,
because they'd start to curl,
and speaking of that,
she wasn't just a practical vacuum
with her long tubular snout,
when I'd take her for walks around the park,
she'd even defend me from an assailant,
beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Categories:
exterminator, humor, pets,
Form:
Light Verse
Bugs in my bed,
I sure hope they're dead.
I hope they're not nestled,
In the hair on my head.
What if they're all, over my pillowcase, then they'd be crawling all over my face.
Is this really happening, or am I just paranoid, cuz a bug infestation I must certainly avoid.
How will I know if they are really really small, maybe an exterminator is who I should call.
What if they eat me, real slow til I'm dead.
I guess a good way to start, is to get OUT of this bed.
Categories:
exterminator, funny, hilarious, humor, humorous,
Form:
Couplet
Lady bug
Lady bug lady bug it is fun to play and look at you,
you seem to increase in size whenever we live in some place new,
you hide in my toy, you hide in my closet
what am I am going to do with you?
Lady bug lady bug look at you, when I turn on the lights
you run with your friends and fly away too.
Lady bug Lady Bug
I am getting tired of you, you run and
alluding me in to my shoes, even when I am over you,
eating my food, you look and seem
you want me to bless you to.
Lady bug lady bug I am not having fun with you,
I am getting my mom and dad to get the
exterminator to get with you and your crew.
This poem is about a five years old kid who never saw North and
South American cockroach in his young life.
Poetry 11/26/10 by Keith Kadell
Categories:
exterminator, family, fantasy, father, food,
Form:
Rhyme
I'm sitting at a desk,
no longer mine,
in a house that is no more,
before me, a glass of wine,
and a book I've seen before
a journal, forty years old,
my wisdom then, was somehow
seemingly far greater and visionary,
than what I have just now...
there's termites in my floorboards,
there's termites in my mind
I need a good exterminator,
to save me from their kind....
a package deal he offers,
including soup to nuts,
I told him very firmly,
I am a poetry soup nutty putz....
you put a cockroach in my home,
you'll see me burn it down...
I hate bugs so very much,
the mere thought brings me a frown
give me mice, if you have to,
give me termites if you must,'
but put a cockroach in my home,
I'll soon enough turn it into dust
ticks should only infest clocks,
fleas for a political refugee,
bed bugs only for a mattress store,
and ants to keep uncles company
I'm afraid then to follow this logic,
and think of what cockroachs
intend for their encroaches
just the thought of this subject,
the disgusting world of bugs,
makes me awful nauseous,
with lots and lots of "Ughs"!!!
Categories:
exterminator, funny, parody, passion, philosophy,
Form:
Burlesque
To Get Rid of Something
I was listening to the bug exterminator
Commercial. This Horn Haiku came to
mind.
Can exterminate;
Completely eradicate,
And eliminate.
When you want to get rid of something,
this is what you have to end up doing.
After all of this has happened, the problem
is no longer there.
Jim Horn
Categories:
exterminator, encouraging,
Form:
Haiku
THE NEST
It was during the summer of 2014,
We were about to get into the car,
When my wife and I looked across the lawn,
And saw something that was quite bizarre.
There was something that was hanging,
From a low branch on our tree,
It was the biggest, darn wasp’s nest,
That we ever did see.
The nest was really pretty active,
Wasps flew in and out of a little hole,
I wanted to get a closer look as my thoughts,
Consisted of just 2 words – Pest Control.
So I made a trip to Home Depot,
And bought 3 cans of wasp and hornet spray,
The instructions said use when the sun goes down,
So that’s what I did at the end of the day.
So I stood about 20 feet away,
From where the giant wasp nest hung,
The cans wouldn’t spray that far, so I moved closer,
Praying that I wouldn’t get stung.
I aimed for that little hole in the nest,
And I emptied the 3 cans of spray,
It seemed like all it did was made the wasps angry,
So I thought it was a good idea to back away.
I decided not to call an exterminator,
And waited until it started to get cold,
By the time November rolled around,
The nest was about 3 months old.
By that time I saw no activity,
And wanted to remove the nest from the tree,
My wife said she would give me a hand,
Which surprised the hell out of me.
So she held up a black garbage bag,
As I cut the nest from the tree,
The nest fell gently into the bag,
As a result that branch looked kind of empty.
The nest was twice the size of a basketball,
It was on a branch only 6 feet off the ground,
When it came down, it was surprisingly light,
It couldn’t have weighed much more than a pound.
My wife had a great idea, and she asked
If our local Library would like the nest.
Well, the staff really appreciated the donation,
And a debt of gratitude was expressed.
So after a few months being attached to my tree,
Where the nest occupied some space,
It’s now at the Middle Country Library for all to see,
On display inside of a glass case.
Categories:
exterminator, humor, insect, nature,
Form:
Rhyme
Clean and empty vacant spot
Built to make sure you thoroughly rot
Spacious area, room to grow
For a lot cheaper than it ought to go
Nice little path for a flower bed
An ex barber next door to shave your head
Down the road whilst our children sleep
City workers clean our streets
A little lively towards the nights eve
But still enough serenity allowing you to believe
Christening are twice a week
Or counseling and guidance other days of the week
Down the street and around the block
Are places corpses hang and talk?
How much money in your pocket child
I’ve got a price it’s listed on file
Still unsure well move aside
There’s another person waiting in line
Well considering just who you are
Part of your payment could come from the stars
Wait sir please don’t run
Just a few more questions then I’ll be dun
Are you sure it’s been properly infected
After all I may not need to be resurrected
And must the exterminator always be near
Perhaps in the contract it wasn’t quite clear
And finally before I sign this page
When do the vermin get their chance on stage?
Plot 4 sale
Spacious plot 4 sale
Empty vacant plot 4 sale
Is it in heaven or is it in hell
Categories:
exterminator, bereavement, dream, fate,
Form:
Rhyme
Tis the season for frightful bugs,
found one in my bed,
even in my rug,
they seem to turn up everywhere,
even in the breath mint in my mouth,
even heard one in the rhythm
of my clock,
the other day went walking
only to discover one in my sock,
then I tried to kill it,
but they're hard as a rock,
one time one was on my plate,
and I almost ate it
thinking it was a grape,
Now listen up,
you little blood sucking pests,
I will hunt you down
till I get no rest!
Its bad enough that its allergy season,
we don't want any of your diseases!
Might use some bloodhounds
to help track them down,
if only we could annihilate them,
all throughout the town,
then they'd finally be extinct,
and people and dogs everywhere
would no longer be forlorn and frown,
but if I need professional help
guess I'll call an exterminator,
and if that doesn't work,
I'll get Arnold the terminator!
Categories:
exterminator, humor, insect,
Form:
Light Verse
It's now a month later. An invitation is sent to me;
turning it down I reply, "Over my dead body!"
He tells me the roaches are gone because he called
the exterminator. I tell him, "Fine then I will see
you a little later.
I arrived to his house. He hands me a beer. "The
roaches, my friend, are gone. It's so good to have
you here!"
Drinking all that beer made me had to pee. I lifted
the toilet seat and there he was, "Sweet revenge
for me!"
I can't believe my eyes, it's that flying cockroach! I
thought they were gone, but now it doesn't appear so.
He then flew at me, so I swatted hm with my hand. He
dodged and I missed, oh darn I almost pissed my pants!
I gotta pee, but the heck with it, so I ran for my life.
Looks like this will be a very long and scary night.
Guess I'll go to bed, it's not safe to walk around.
Hopefully I'll get to sleep then in the morning I'll
skip town.
What I saw next man, this just wasn't right. A roach
with PJS in bed yelled out, "Turn off that damn light!"
I guess it wasn't quick enough because he suddenly flew
at me. I ducked and he missed...hmmm now where could
he be?
When I catch up to him he will be good as dead. Suddenly
he appeared crawling quickly up my leg.
I ran in another room but stopped, the reason why you see;
my friend was in front of a statue praying down on bended
knee.
"This house is cleansed of cockroaches, though the job was
hard." But as he prayed, a roach bit him right there in front
of the lord!
"Get the raid!" He screamed "My prayers seem unheard
somehow!" SO I ran to get the spray while screaming,
"Feet don't fail me now!"
I sprayed him while saying, "Life for you is over-with!"
He wasn't fazed, he stood there, "That's ant spray you
idiot!"
"You know you are sad and that's just too bad, because all
you've done now was simply made me mad."
I ran out if the house and my friend did to. Two cockroaches
shouted, "Don't come back or worse things we'll do to you!"
Putting his house up for sale cheap, someone will buy it
quicker then. The roaches have won this battle, sadly this
is how it ends.
Categories:
exterminator, funnyhouse, me, friend, house,
Form: