Best Customer Poems
I'm still waiting
How much time has elapsed
Think I'll read
While I'm waiting
I just read a chapter
I do believe my call is being answered
No, a voice on a machine echoes
"Your call will be taken in the order in which it was received"
Great
What number caller was I
Probably the 1000th caller
I'll touch up my manicure
While I'm waiting
I'm still waiting
Rats
I smudged my polish on one nail
Wonder If I have time to fix it
Before they break their necks to take my call
They must be averaging one call every ten minutes
I'll continue reading
Another chapter done
I'm still waiting
Categories:
customer, funny, time, time,
Form:
Personification
Their 1:30 lunch—that is fine
But I’m there at 1:29
They said you're too late
With glee closed the gate
So I filed a protest online
Categories:
customer, drug,
Form:
Limerick
Way back then
The customer
Was always right
Today
The customer
Is not always right
Is it really true?
The customer
Is always right
The customer
May believe
They’re always right
But in reality
Is usually wrong
Company guidelines
Unknown
Are designed
To benefit the customer
At times
Benefit the company
The customer
That’s always right
Tend to lose discounts
That benefit
At a company lost
Companies choose
To let a customer be right
Because a customer
Is always a customer
But not always right
Categories:
customer, people
Form:
Free verse
"Thank you for calling ACME, INCORPORATED"
"For English, press 1"
"En Espanol, numero dos"
(Customer presses 1)
"If this is a business, press 1"
"If this is a residence, press 2"
(Customer presses 2)
"Please listen carefully to the following"
(Customer listens)
"If you have an account, press 1"
"For new service, press 2"
(Customer presses 1)
"Please listen carefully to the following"
(Customer listens)
"To make a payment, press 1"
"For questions about your bill, press 2"
"For hours of operation, press 3"
"For payment locations, press 4"
"To transfer your service to a new address, press 5"
"To disconnect your service, press 6"
"To update your account information, press 7"
"For technical support, press 8"
"To return to the main menu, press 9"
"To speak to a representative, press 0"
(Customer presses 0)
"Due to high call volumes, we're unable
to assist you at this time"
"Please hang up and call back later"...
"Have a nice day!"
Categories:
customer,
Form:
Free verse
The bill declared, in bright red ink,
“Your payment’s overdue.
We’ll hand it to collectors
If your check’s not coming through.”
Insurance said they’d paid it;
Prior phone calls should’ve ended it.
At last I reached a human
Who, quite shockingly, amended it.
Not only that, he went beyond
And then apologized.
I must admit, such virtue
Left me more than just surprised.
I’ve gotten used to business folk
Where nasty is the norm.
How rare to find a person who
To meanness won’t conform.
Although I hated being charged
For what I didn’t owe,
I learned civility’s not dead
And that’s so nice to know!
Categories:
customer, business, people,
Form:
Rhyme
Hi how are you?
What seems to be the problem?
I’m so sorry about that.
How would you like to resolve,
this issue?
Alright let me talk to My superior.
My apologies.
So sorry for the inconvenience.
One moment please.
Categories:
customer, conflict, confusion, identity, nonsense,
Form:
Free verse
I took on a job I thought that I liked,
a service I have to provide.
Giving customers help with things that go wrong
always makes me feel happy inside .
For many long years I have done really well
and I’m sure it is me who knows best.
If it wasn’t for me and my colleagues alike
then our Company would cease to exist!
Do I really believe what my boss says to me
that our profits are on a decline
and that losing our way we will go bust one day,
but surely that’s his job not mine.
He said we must change, yes, alter our ways,
our customers want so much more,
I’ve been here for years and I know I know best,
I told him “I’ve heard it before”.
Now there’s targets he’s set and I’m asked everyday
does my part really help to provide
a reason for me to remain on their pay,
do I do what we need to survive.
Our Company now makes a profit, I’m told
but I groan and complain everyday.
I’m good, don’t you know, I really think so,
why check ...’cause it best just ‘my’ way.
The problems you see are theirs, it’s not me,
they’re caused by those people inside.
If you left it to me and let us run free
we’d be happy and bring back our pride.
The rules are quite clear, I must just do my job,
I’m expected to now get in line
and give to my customer, colleagues and boss
what they ask and meet their needs not mine.
I now see it’s my role to provide what they say
though sometimes I may disagree.
I really must try to stop judging them
and look so much closer at me.
If they make a mistake, and I know that they will,
and I’m sure it will show with hindsight.
I’ve got to admit that I’ve often been wrong
at times when ‘I’ thought I was right.
So I now do my job by the rules he has set
for there’s things that I just couldn’t see.
By helping our Company try to survive
my boss was just working for me!
Ivor G Davies
Categories:
customer, introspection, work,
Form:
Rhyme
The Customer
Frank Halliwell
'Good morning! Thanks for calling us!
We're pleased to hear from you!
Your call's important to us
So we've placed you in a queue.
Please find your account number and
Be sure it is correct..
It's twenty digits long and if you
Mis-type, I'll reject.
I'll lead you through the whole routine
Please use your touch type phone.
Press eight and follow with the hash
After you hear the tone.
If you are a new client here..
Press two, ..if old, press three.
Press four in case we've done something
With which you disagree!
You have pressed four, please wait a moment
While I transfer you..
And please enjoy, while we play you
A symphony or two!
Our staff are all too busy now
To talk to such as you
Your call is so important that
We've placed you in a queue.'
Time passes and the music lingers
On, and bye and bye..
My cheek and ear go fast asleep,
My wrist gets R.S.I.
But wait! It may be there is hope!
I hear a ringing sound,
At last a human voice is heard
After the runaround!
'Good morning, this is Ladies wear
And may we help somehow?
Complaints? .. Oh! Just hang on a tick
I'll transfer you right now! ...'
***
'Good morning! Thanks for calling us!
We're pleased to hear from you!
Your call's important to us
So we've placed you in a queue.
***
Categories:
customer, world,
Form:
Rhyme
Hey you! Did you hear me?
I was talking but you ever won’t listen.
Hey babe I want to buy this!
Did I just see your eyes rolling at me?
Called you many times.
Are you deaf to hear me hundred times?
So you’re now pissing me off!
Don’t wait to see my nose smoking like a red bull!
Do you even like how you dress?
Suppose you’re in a customer service.
But how can you be that so rude?
Aren’t you paid by boss for you are needing it most?
Try to be nice and be good to me
Or else you won’t even like me to tell this,
“Can I speak to your manager please?
Categories:
customer, anger, work,
Form:
Narrative
Honestly, I admit that I hate you
With every fiber of my being,
Because, no matter what I try to do,
My efforts are not what you are seeing.
I have to tell you that you are the most
Arrogant, obnoxious, self-absorbed wretch,
Who has no character of which to boast,
Which has been proven through this game of fetch.
You are entertained by your own rudeness,
Thus making yourself look quite pathetic.
And, adding that element of crudeness,
Provides an unattractive aesthetic.
I said all of this to "secure 'a win,'"
And now I must say, "Thank you, come again!"
Categories:
customer, introspection
Form:
Sonnet
It was the work ethic that did it.
He just couldn’t get enough.
He would sit for hours and hours
Just contemplating the stuff
Until suddenly it was home time,
Getting on for half past four,
And he knew that in the morning
They'd have delivered plenty more.
After nearly a week they found him
Slouched dead in his swivel chair;
He'd been hidden by all the work
Piled up in mountains there.
They gave him a long service medal
Posthumously I should think
And following his last wishes scattered
His ashes by his favourite old golf link.
Thus an illustrious career was ended
Without a hint of any shame
For the company couldn't afford
Any slurs to be cast on its name.
And all the work that he'd not started?
They just shovelled into a bin
Knowing if any was important
A client would write again
Categories:
customer, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
I timidly knocked on his office door,
covered my ears for his usual roar
as I knew he would let fly
THE ANSWER'S NO,
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT -
he’s such a churlish guy
THE ANSWER'S NO,
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT...
in the past he’d made me cry
THE ANSWER'S NO,
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT
was his bog standard reply
It’s your invite to the staff party
you said no
so now I’ll say goodbye!
12/15/18
Categories:
customer, anti bullying, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
I ‘am scared of a customer
every time he comes to shop
he wraps his heart carefully
in a piece of red handkerchief
and hands it over to me
As I extend hands to receive
it falls and bleeds red honey!
Categories:
customer, lust, satire,
Form:
Imagism
Could Estonia help Vlad get paid?
He'll claim they're Russian and invade!
Better than cash bonds
Putin can use their blondes
To entice his mark Trump to get laid
Categories:
customer, corruption, friendship, humor, natural
Form:
Limerick
OUTBACK AUSTRALIA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tis the aussie outback,
a cocky walks a dusty shearing track,
to the only crackling phone for miles around,
climbing an old dead tractor for best sound,
bout a sheep disorder from an online order.
"Gudday customer service mate"
Farmer White's gravel voice in wait.
"Ullo, you speak Ubee Wong best sheep in Hong Kong",
an Asian voice sung like a song.
"Bought online a ewe, state true blue, but not true"
"Stamped made in China, not for down unda"
"Not stamped on crate but sheep tail gate"
farmer White did state.
"Transfer you to Long, who ewe belong"
ending a Wong call to Hong Kong.
This is Farmer White in Australia, are you Long in China ?"
"All life in China, how I help White in Australia?"
was the Long question.
"I called the Wong number in Hong Kong, and told me,
speak to Long"
claimed farmer White.
"I don't know White or Wong in Hong Kong"
was the Long reply.
"I have ewe in Australia, that is Long n Wong"
farmer White strongly said to Long.
"You Wong, am not in Australia but China,
and you White in Australia,
then say called Wong number, then no problem"
with a Long closing call.
Farmer White still with shaking head in his homestead,
looking at his ewe, and the computer he threw,
then speaking to his sheep,
eyes long and deep,
"Online there will never be another ewe"
Categories:
customer, farm, funny, hilarious, humorous,
Form:
Free verse