Best Customer Poems

I'm still waiting
How much time has elapsed
Think I'll read
While I'm waiting
I just read a chapter

I do believe my call is being answered
No, a voice on a machine echoes
"Your call will be taken in the order in which it was received"

Great
What number caller was I
Probably the 1000th caller
I'll touch up my manicure
While I'm waiting

I'm still waiting
Rats
I...

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Their 1:30 lunch—that is fine  
But I’m there at 1:29
They said you're too late
With glee closed the gate
So I filed a protest online
...

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Way back then
The customer 
Was always right
Today 
The customer
Is not always right

Is it really true? 
The customer
Is always right 
The customer
May believe
They’re always right
But in reality
Is usually wrong

Company guidelines 
Unknown 
Are designed
To benefit the customer
At times
Benefit the company

The customer
That’s always right
Tend to lose discounts
That benefit
At a company lost

Companies choose
To let a customer be right
Because a...

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"Thank you for calling ACME, INCORPORATED"
"For English, press 1"
"En Espanol, numero dos"
(Customer presses 1)
"If this is a business, press 1"
"If this is a residence, press 2"
(Customer presses 2)

"Please listen carefully to the following"
(Customer listens)
"If you have an account, press 1"
"For new service, press 2"
(Customer presses 1)

"Please listen carefully to the following"
(Customer listens)
"To make a payment,...

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The bill declared, in bright red ink,
“Your payment’s overdue.
We’ll hand it to collectors
If your check’s not coming through.”

Insurance said they’d paid it;
Prior phone calls should’ve ended it.
At last I reached a human
Who, quite shockingly, amended it.

Not only that, he went beyond
And then apologized.
I must admit, such virtue
Left me more than just surprised.

I’ve gotten used to...

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Hi how are you?

          What seems to be the problem?

I’m so sorry about that.
                                ...

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I took on a job I thought that I liked,
a service I have to provide.
Giving customers help with things that go wrong
always makes me feel happy inside .

For many long years I have done really well
and I’m sure it is me who knows best.
If it wasn’t for me and my colleagues alike
then our Company would...

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The Customer
                                    Frank Halliwell
'Good morning! Thanks for calling us!
We're pleased to hear from you!
Your call's important to us
So we've placed...

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Hey you! Did you hear me?
I was talking but you ever won’t listen.
Hey babe I want to buy this!
Did I just see your eyes rolling at me?
Called you many times.
Are you deaf to hear me hundred times?
So you’re now pissing me off!
Don’t wait to see my nose smoking like a red bull!
Do you even like...

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Honestly, I admit that I hate you
With every fiber of my being,
Because, no matter what I try to do,
My efforts are not what you are seeing.
I have to tell you that you are the most
Arrogant, obnoxious, self-absorbed wretch,
Who has no character of which to boast,
Which has been proven through this game of fetch.
You are entertained...

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I timidly knocked on his office door,
covered my ears for his usual roar
as I knew he would let fly

THE ANSWER'S NO,
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT -
he’s such a churlish guy

THE ANSWER'S NO,
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT...
in the past he’d made me cry

THE ANSWER'S NO,
NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT
was his bog standard reply

It’s your invite to...

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It was the work ethic that did it.
He just couldn’t get enough.
He would sit for hours and hours
Just contemplating the stuff
Until suddenly it was home time,
Getting on for half past four,
And he knew that in the morning
They'd have delivered plenty more.

After nearly a week they found him
Slouched dead in his swivel chair;
He'd been hidden by...

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I ‘am scared of a customer
every time he comes to shop
he wraps his heart carefully
in a piece of red handkerchief
and hands  it over to me
As I extend hands to receive
it falls and bleeds red honey!...

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Could Estonia help Vlad get paid?
He'll claim they're Russian and invade!
Better than cash bonds
Putin can use their blondes
To entice his mark Trump to get laid...

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OUTBACK AUSTRALIA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tis the aussie outback,
 a cocky walks a dusty shearing track,
to the only crackling phone for miles around,
climbing an old dead tractor for best sound,
bout a sheep disorder from an online order.

"Gudday customer service mate" 
Farmer White's gravel voice in wait.
"Ullo, you speak Ubee Wong best sheep in Hong Kong",
an Asian voice...

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