Best Circumcision Poems
Our Sid felt well-jaded
his sweat, it cascaded
he feared the end was well-nigh
his head was a-pounding
a hush ultra-sounding
he all but stared death in the eye
Steadily declining
whinging and whining
to the good wife, who had a short thread
she saw a good chance
eyed him askance
said: I'll book you a hospital bed
Afore rushed to hospital
sweated and spittled
he eyed her boobies in double-D vision
for sure he'd have flown
had he but known
he'd been booked for a quick circumcision
Foreshortened but sharper
wooed by nurse Harper
he contemplated suing for cash
with his wired-up jaw
he sipped through a straw
animal innards and veg pulped to mash
Nurse Harper, aflame
with nary no shame
tended his uncalled-for member renewal
she was drooling and crooning
and dream'ly swooning
admirin' his family jewel
In her somewhat dazed state
her aim was not straight
she inadvertently turned on the gas
his urge was to flee
of his wires wrenched free
maneuvered escape from the lass
From two storeys high
(a short distance to fly)
which in retrospect is soundly insane
he took a long jump
balls-down with a thump
now his crotch is perm'nently sprained
**************************************
For Joann's copycat's contest. Initially written by Sid, our mad poet. I copied the poem to my hard drive but somehow the title got lost. Maybe he can help us out with the title he used then. Sid, you're the bomb, me man!!!
Men who have been subject to a circumcision
experience 60 percent less ****** sensation
than men who currently still possess their foreskin.
I
We sing of Hagar the Horrible, yet she is a brilliant blessing -
This late in April 2019; no not for April Fool's Day
I must submit (a poem, at least) - here the reason we play
II
On a certain Sunday, when all true Christians join to pray
To a LORD who loves all ("diversity, too, but let's STOP at "gay")
Can't extend humanity to the brown and gray!
MOST SERMONS: Hagar the Egyptian cannot be any good -
Such have been the fare of feeding "my sheep" by a multitude
Of professors of faith, theologians, doers of GOOD
According to Peter's restoration steps: John, chapter 21
III
Yet Hagar was a key to many a blessing
An Egyptian, yes, but before there were any Islam or current nation
Called Jews, or Israel, or the Twelve Tribes, except Abram -
The Pagan from Haran, from Ur of Iraq, before then
He and Sarai could not wait for God's Isaac, His time
Like the best of us, they HELPED GOD - Tetragrammaton, as in YHWH!
What a novel plan, Sarai: Use the womb of the servant, Hagar,
To create your heir - no record of prayer, or talking with YHWH [YaHWaH]
Before this polygamous deed, then casting her out for a "look"?
(Do with your slave as you please, Abe who wifed Hagar,said to Sarai)
But on the way back to Egypt - Surely at SHUR, the angelic Wall at Shur,
Stopped Hagar the Horrible, because she was a key to AVRAM's goal!
She submitted - better than Abe and Sarai - to God's Angel & instruction!
The COVENANT (we talk a lot about it) was yet to be sealed ...
The self-same day: he was 13 and Abram the Pagan, Ninety-Nine
The slave-woman's son, circumcised with Abraham, the self-same day
Isaac, The Son of Promise, would only come the next year!
Read your Bible (the Twelve Kings first blessed upon Ishmael: God hears!
Even the slaves & indentured, all colors, when they trust and obey
Poor old Abe always had trust, but he didn't always obey ...
Soon it will be the return of LORD of lords & residents: Judgment Day
Read Genesis again, - and again - know why Hagar & Ishmael live on!
Abraham by faith,
Circumcision is by heart,
Not in words or chart.
Torah! Torah! Torah!
Check it out
Ten Commandments of
six hundred (more or less)
for the good deed that goes unpunished
and only the good die Jung? I guess,
it’s a hit
or mitz -vah
whether moyel shall take a bit, more or less;
well, he should have it well in hand
if you think neutral thoughts
during the bloody process
(which may be hard to do–
ahh, there’s the rub
in this Shake-a-spear
tragedy of Love’s laborer, Lost
on this Twelfth Night of your thirteenth year,
you grinning ear to ear,
you contemplate Romeo’s
“It’s soft, what knife through yonder
foreskin breaks. . .” or some such soliloquy
in this tiny Hamlet by some shore.
Lo! The deed is done
(and not much fun)
manhood swaying with a gentle bris
and all the helpful hints
Gone With the Wind amidst
your screams: It Hertz
and Dr. Edward Scissorhands, responded,
“Frankly, Scar-less, I don’t give a damn.”