Best Breeches Poems

I’ve always been restless since I was a kid,
to settle near drives me insane.
I’ll just throw together the best that I can
what I own and be gone again.

Boxes long packed I had stacked in a shed,
are obsolete, so I feel that I have
to lighten my...

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An old gal applied to join Mensa
Gee she couldn’t be any denser
She went in the wrong door
On the thirty third floor
And there she enrolled as a fencer

When attending her first fencing class
A man scored a hit on her huge ass
She screamed out so loud
It drew...

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BLUEBERRY BOAT

I’m going to sea in a blueberry boat
With cellophane sails on cinnamon mast
It could be cold so I’ll take a coat
And In case of a leak some Elastoplast

We shall sail on seas of blueberry blue
with never a clash and no mismatch
You will hardly see...

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After all is said and done, cliché style
(Forgive me if this does not rhyme, I'm moving
Past rhyme for the sake of rhyme)
You will have gone away rich and returned for more
Because you thought you knew what you needed
To feel loaded, fulfilled and needed

You thought you...

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A dance competition went horribly wrong.
During an Irish gig and a Highland fling song.

The gigger flung his foot out in front.
The flinger went flying, taking the brunt.

When the two crash landed in a heap.
The spectators gasped in their seats.

The flinger's kilt was around his head.
"I...

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I heard the dreadful Dryad's scream
As axe bit into woody flesh
The sap oozed out as scented cream
My veins stood out in rictal mesh

My wits all scrambled left me quick
My hands and face were full a-sweat
My thumping heart did quite a trick
My breeches foul-smelled were a-wet

Into...

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This man was a laborer, and in vacuum cleaner sales.
He came a long way from Pontypridd in South Wales.
From humble beginnings as Thomas Jones Woodward,
Tom Jones has been one of the greatest singers heard.
With the early sixties British Invasion,
he became an entertainment sensation.
With his Edwardian...

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The blacksmith a gunsmith he says he is, therewith aligned with Lilith 
Giving birth to death and pestilence, his allegiance is to his conscience, which is 
Greed. 
See how he and the rhythm of his essence is corrupt,
So allow me to interrupt his rhythm for...

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A spider drank cider and was legless at breakfast 
Now this placid arachnid with a shoddy wee body
Asked weevils so evil if they each had a needle
Could they just for a joke smoke while they poked
At erudite mites with myopic eyesight
And bedridden black beetles who...

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A pant-less lady
liked to go places
she was rather bawdy
and liked to loosen her laces

she was spied by a grandee
he pulled up his braces
then gave her lots of brandy
alas he could not undo his breeches

A pant-less lady
liked to go places
one has to admit she is barmy
as...

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Over the horizon is heard the sputtering engine of an unusual bird.
Trailing a billowing plume of smoke, it looked so pathetically absurd!
Coming into view was an old Curtiss Jenny of World War One fame.
Used only as a trainer, faster, more stable planes put it to...

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The gooseberry bush, a thing of beauty,
bow to my lady, bow to my lord

The homely hearth and sty for stock,
Bread for my bairns, fat for their chins

The cottage loom, silks for my lady,
Breeches  for my lord

Work and sweat for those without land,
Bow to my...

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Influenced by "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight" and "The Rape of the Lock," my goal is to write this completely in iambic meter with (mostly?) rhyming couplets. (Though the intro's meter varies, the main parts will all be fourteeners). Entirety is a W.i.P.
_

Presentiment

La femme...

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In the garden populated with flowers, red and budded,
Resort robins birds, with inflated fluffy feathers. 
They fall in waves between the grass gushing in green 
And the impetus of a small purifying pinkish river. 
 
Somewhere in the far little barks that gleam
are resting with...

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Sonnet 19

        Have you ever noticed
           the gentle tone
                 in your
 ...

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