Best Bored Stiff Poems

Limericks VI - Religion

Pell-Mell for Hell Mel
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a Baptist named Mel
who condemned all non-Christians to hell.
When he stood before God
he felt like a clod
to discover His Love couldn’t fail!



Why I Left the Religious Right
by Michael R. Burch

He's got Jesus's name...

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No More Excitement
Just think no
more excitement;
Excitement in my life
is fast becoming
extinct..
last boyfriend made 
me cry.
He was about as exciting
as watching "paint dry"..
Next time I am bored
I'll go the Square
to cry.
I will stand there
with only one
glove on my hand;
For sure someone
will come along
and demand,
to know why...

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A Debate

The Atheist
I see no reason for a god
Indeed for any type of god at all
I look around at all the churchmen
The pompous richly dressed ones
And wonder what their founder would have thought
And then at the other end
The shabby unpretentious lot
More primitive, more fundamental and...

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Doggerel I or Nonsense Verse

A$$tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
proved E equals MC squared.
Thus, all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my a$$ declared!



Bible Libel
by Michael R. Burch

If God
is good,
half the Bible
is libel.

I came up with this epigram after reading the Bible from cover to...

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The State of the Art (I)
by Michael R. Burch

Has rhyme lost all its reason
and rhythm, renascence?
Are sonnets out of season
and poems but poor pretense?

Are poets lacking fire,
their words too trite and forced?
What happened to desire?
Has passion been coerced?

Shall poetry fade slowly,
like Latin, to past tense?
Are...

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Coal face 
disgrace 

Bad vibes 
from tribes

Dark art
at heart

Big deal
surreal

Uptight 
yeah right 

Sky high 
my eye

Who knew 
boohoo 

My god 
that’s odd

not half 
a laugh

High five 
alive 

Stock phrase 
daft craze 

Buzz word 
absurd 

Smart tek
brain wreck 

Sour pus
missed bus

High horse 
off-course 

Slow coach 
cockroach...

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The Making of a Poet
by Michael R. Burch

While I don’t consider “Poetry” to be my best poem—I wrote the first version in my teens—it’s a poem that holds special meaning for me; I call it my ars poetica. I also consider the poems that follow...

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Limericks I - Relatives and Relativity

The Cosmological Constant
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
said E equals MC squared.
Thus all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my a$$ declared!


A$$-tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Relativity, the theorists’ creed,
says mass increases with speed.
My (m)a$$ grows when I sit it.
Mr. Einstein, get...

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Poems about Poems (I)



What the Poet Sees
by Michael R. Burch

What the poet sees,
he sees as a swimmer
~~~underwater~~~
watching the shoreline blur
sees through his breath’s weightless bubbles...
Both worlds grow obscure.



Muse/Goddess
by Michael R. Burch

“What will you conceive in me?”
I asked her. But she
only smiled.

“Naked, I bore your child
when...

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Poems about Poets I


The Wonder Boys
by Michael R. Burch

for Leslie Mellichamp

The stars were always there, too-bright cliches:
scintillant truths the jaded world outgrew
as baffled poets winged keyed kites—amazed,
in dream of shocks that suddenly came true ...

but came almost as static—background noise,
a song out of the cosmos...

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Its the simple things in life that turn my wheels
a stroll over the moors, I don't need newsreels

The beauty of the full moon to my heart appeals
sounds of the night, I hear high pitched squeals

No its not money or houses or even posh meals
bored stiff...

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Epigrams VI

These are humorous epigrams including a form I call "Less Heroic Couplets." 



Less Heroic Couplets: Mini-Ode to Stamina
by Michael R. Burch
 
When you’ve given so much
that I can’t bear your touch,
then from a safe distance
let me admire your persistence.



Less Heroic Couplets: Less than Impressed
by...

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COPLA SESENTA Y CUATRO: This Bad Guy World

No one denies Life’s stunning rich
What we all have to put up with:
Stark sacrifice

Spite of beast in Man or the Witch
Brains soar limitless heights or width:
As gods we rise

Bad Guys drag us down ugly depths
Role Good Guys must...

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PROFESSOR POETS

These are poems about professor poets and other “intellectuals” who miss the main point of poetry, which is to connect with readers via pleasing sounds and the communication of emotion as well as meaning.



Professor Poets
by Michael R. Burch

Professor poets remind me of drones
chasing the...

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Caveat
by Michael R. Burch

If only we were not so eloquent,
we might sing, and only sing, not to impress,
but only to enjoy, to be enjoyed.

We might inundate the earth with thankfulness
for light, although it dies, and make a song
of night descending on the earth like bliss,

with...

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