Best Bigly Poems
The warlock said to the witch,
Man, ain't it grand living large like Oz,
being bigly Emerald City rich
The witch crowed back,
I get paid good for giving speeches
that have no policy incantation glitch
The warlock laughed hard and long,
then chortled with maniacal glee:
I like the way you got a huge fee
for selling that "Deal Me In" dirge song
The witch returned the faint praise
with a piercing scowl and a sinister smile
You got those lemmings running thru a maze,
chasing your tale that it's all rigged anyhow
The warlock started getting miffed,
and his hair began to burn with an orange glow
He mockingly said, Endora, all the polls show
that you're a walking political gift
The witch angrily retorted: What spell did you use
to make yourself become 50 feet tall
Oh yeah, that's right. Should Humpty Dumpty lose,
it won't be much of a fall off that stupid wall
The warlock let out a sigh, and said:
You know we have to spit venom
at each other on the campaign stump
That's just how it is, and has to be
The witch let out a sigh too, and said:
Since our youthful days of wearing denim,
it's something we can't tell the voting chumps
That we're really friends, you and me
Then they both hugged each other,
and said goodbye to one another privately
The witch winked at the warlock, and cackled this:
No matter who wins,
I'm offering well wishes to you
So don't forget to send me a mean tweet
The warlock nodded back at the witch, and bellowed this:
Once the results are in,
I'll reply with well wishes too
But of course, don't you forget to delete
Categories:
bigly, funny, humor, humorous, political,
Form:
Light Verse
My golden ego soars higher than yours
I can hold my breath longer underwater
of course,
because my publican lungs are stronger than yours
I can outshout your taxing voice
to the heavens with a prideful text roar
I’m the big button lying king,
that’s for truth ducky sure
Everything I have is bigger than yours
Exaggeration is a lawsuit I wear well,
fancy-laced shegnanians is the shoes I boot you with —
Patent leather pardon free get-out-of-jail
Put a deflecting shine on the witness stand,
make the gullible masses
see me as being smarter than I really am
I bigly roll with the donor class society swells
I take a bigger leak from my Wall Street
inside trader executive bathroom Tower mole tell
My greed is bigger than yours ...
Got great white sharkey needs,
on little flunky guppies I love to gorge
My cyber jaws are bigger than life,
that’s why
Tricky Twitter Moby Dick I
voted for myself ruble roulette twice
I’m a most unpopular populist prez
with no moral boundaries
Don’t try to fence me in,
make me chicken scratch fake news little again
My nihilistic narcissism is bigger than yours,
you best believe
I can sexually harass
better than Willie Boy Clinton
could ever achieve
I’m a business caveman
whose twin brass clubs are bigger than yours
I’ll take your woman,
and with a misogynist leash make her walk on all fours
My serial debts
are bankrupt corrupt much bigger than yours
I bowl a perfect money laundry game
with a mob marked counterfeit score
Mine covetousness is so much bigger than yours
Got more trophy wives than you do,
so king me on the divorce checkerboard
My nuclear button boasts are bombastic bigger than yours ...
and I’ll blow you out the water onto barren refugee shores,
if you don’t lip bow unbutton inflate —
Balloon buffoon infatuate on the dreams I daily tweet snore
Categories:
bigly, allusion, corruption, political, power,
Form:
Alliteration
It was a bigly time ago.
I was rock and rolling.
The guys wore gel or mop-top beads;
The girls were cool strolling.
Asking for her time, forthrightly,
Permissions all obtained.
A friendly double date, indeed,
In stylish dress, constrained.
Hands held, nervous knees, butterfly
Bellies and Summer Sun.
Zombie kids shuffling to their doom
With cold-foot pizza fun.
Names all changed to insure the past:
Pete and Prue ate like hogs.
Joe loved June with all of his heart --
Until the girls shrieked, "frogs!"
Joe chased Pete around the table,
Marinara splattered.
Napkins called an encore order.
June and Prue both flattered.
Joe and Pete were at it, again.
Girls with sticky-face smiles.
We settled down and sauntered home.
A night of teasing trials.
Just before parting, Joe kissed June --
So ... unsymmetrical:
He was cloud-sailing, upside down.
June smelled boy chemical.
July 14, 2016
Pink Domino - Poetry Contest
Categories:
bigly, childhood, children, feelings, first
Form:
Quatrain
(Dedicated to Silent One --
who doesn't like bigly words.)
After a gentle, soft Summer drizzle
Fine web filaments tingle and glisten
In rainbow beams of fusion sun sizzle --
Stirring all life forms to lift and listen.
It is the season of Creamsicle desires;
Thick leaf foliage, protective sanctuaries;
Creepers, crawlers, jumpers and fliers;
Time dilating into slow-motion centuries:
Conquering the beach -- girls so coy;
Never-ending hours of creative play;
Transcendental fishing -- such a joy;
Floating from Brooklyn to Tokyo Bay
Where the kaiju rise and we gasp a ghost
At their power and our sizable insignificance.
Flipping for monsters -- baseball for most --
Winning a mint-perfect Godzilla -- coincidence?
Independence rockets in the starry, starry night
Over rooftop celebrations of smoke and kissing,
White Castle, Coca-Cola -- and the pizza's alright!
Friends and lovers -- once upon a Summer missing.
Categories:
bigly, absence, beach, desire, friend,
Form:
Quatrain
(November 2016)
Twas Hillig, but the Limey Gove
Did whine and witter in the Brext.
All Szyddly was the Orban cove
And Grabberwock out-Mexed.
“Beware the Grabberwock, my dear,
The salesman’s talk, the dubious thatch.
Beware his leakiwick, and fear
His groomious undersnatch.”
She took her righteous sword in hand.
Her people cried “Deplore, deplore!”
So rested she by the Dumdum tree—
And thought “deplore” some more.
And as in huffish thought she stood,
The Grabberwock, with hair aflame,
Came breitling through the barty wood,
And goebbelled as he came.
One, two! One, two! And through and through
His virtual blade went twitter-t***.
She got more voters, but he was POTUS
And he getrumphed like that:-
“See, I have slain the Hillinast!
I’ll build a wall, hire every mate!
I’ll bigly take America
And make it really grate.”
“I’ll put all Muslims in a book,
Intern them just like Nips,
And make sure Gooks use their own nukes
For the Trumpocalypse.”
“I’ll help the rich (more than that b****!).
I’ll make the bankers fat.
The blacks I’ll hump—and screw the Trump-
enproletariat.”
’Tis chillig. For the Sess-i-ones
Doth Bolt- and Bann-on on the right
All Vladdy are Assange’s tones
And prospects all outsh***.
Rob Whitford
Notes:
1. Needless to say, this is a parody of “Jabberwocky”, by Lewis Carroll
2. The first “Grabberwocky” was a much better poem—a “Jabberwocky” parody written in 1939 (http://www.waxdog.com/jabberwocky/nazi.html). Thanks to this for general inspiration, the title and the sadly still relevant verb “to goebbel”.
3. Re the slightly nerdy line 3, Beata Szydlo and Viktor Orban were the conservative nationalist Prime Ministers of Poland and Hungary, respectively, at the time.....
Copyright © Robert Whitford 2016
Categories:
bigly, humorous, parody, political,
Form:
Political Verse
Pink pussy knit caps
march in passionate protest,
so who's "bigly" now?
Categories:
bigly, political,
Form:
Senryu
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
Thanks for the hack
Put me in front and Hillary back
I owe you my amazing win
For you I’ll do anything
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
you pull my strings
For you I can do so many things
You have something on me, yes its true
Lets keep it a secret between me and you
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
Be my best friend
Bffs to the bitter end
I won bigly with you, so all my thanks
Now teach me how to roll the tanks
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
So strong and powerful, you’re my kind of guy
Your enemies all seem to mysteriously die
You and I don’t have to fight
We both know that might makes right
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
Teach me how you silence opposition
so I can do it from my White House position
crybaby losers, my boot on their head
I’ll mock them by twitter as I crush them dead
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
how many journalists did you kill
that would give me such a thrill
Send bannon out as my murderous attendant
Bury them all with their first amendment
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
come real close
but don’t poison me with a lethal dose
like that guy from the KGB
You put plutonium in his tea
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
so-called judges might tell me no
then checks and balances got to go
Congress might stop me with laws they pass
They’ll burn like the Reichstag, to a heap of ash
Vladimir oh Vladimir,
We’re like-minded brothers
Leading a world of like-minded others
We’re leaders in the global fight
with our global army that fight for the white
Categories:
bigly, america, best friend, funny
Form:
Dramatic Verse
UNWORD AND UPWORD
À Bigly Ugly Orangely Bugly,
Got voted inly onlee only!
By Elephantly rudely taunt he,
Made our nation sad and wantly!
To bring back smiley fontly faces,
Type this X, in the right places.
Cast a timely votely POTUS,
and squash the Bigly without notice.
-Edlynn Nau
01- 19-17
About poem, Inspiration:
A cousin challenged me to make a poem out of a new Trump "Unword" in that he uses words like "Yuge" and "Bigly". She said, "Points if I'd do something with "Bigly." NOTE: In my family, no matter who is president, they are going to get slashed (just like SNL). So find your funnybone, it's a long four years! -E. Nau
Categories:
bigly, humorous, nonsense, political, satire,
Form:
Political Verse
There's A Pedophile In The House...
(ah...ah...ah...ham eye white...???)
OMG,... and he looks...
SAY WHAT??? just like me???,...
absolutely NO WAY!!!,
would this sensitive,
respectful, "FAKE" veejay
quiet-natured, mindful,
loving, kind, underplay
justice invoking, hew today
mainly, gentle, friendly, "I say"
enlightened, democratic chap redisplay
any besotted abominable,
blamable, culpable, quay
esse chin hubble
despicable, execrable prey
dot door formidable,
inhospitable...overplay
ying faux indulgent,
NOR be mistaken
to assay, betray, convey,
display, expressway more fay
writ his'm to
gainsay hearsay, inveigh
jaw dropping "FAKE"
yuge weak accusations
(by a long shot), sans
basket of conspiring deplorables
attempting to assassinate
bigly believe me tubby "stupid"
winning loser to berate,
who doth unequivocally create
mine substantial vocabulary rumor,
versus 4th grade reading level
trumpeting librettist - thee great
test Don Quixote
(as falsely sung with hate
full sotto voce), and ramped up
as ill suited mate
a minus [sic] zero moron,
which doth hapt
tubby incredibly tremendous
disservice to bona fide classy idiots
with a lot of money
(like the millions and billions
of my golfing confrères)
given bent iron golf clubs
used by crooked Hillary,
when former Secretary of State
ideal for Putin on the Ritz
by far less exciting, with
Bill Clinton's flirtatious flits
trained pudenda purse
sin null property
of intern (NO FALLACY)
topped as southern delicacy dish
consume mated with buttered grits
pricked prurient peccadilloes licks
suddenly recalling seminal kicks
starting, how with Little Rock kits
he received assistance,
sans starts and fits,
eventually then nubile
ingenue Monica Lewinsky
called time out, cuz at her wits
end once assisting helping
express his "naughty bits,"
when done completing
cum mincecd secrete mission
blue dress draped
expensively furred
(i.e. tricked out) in her
"FAKE" minx hiding
sable animal spirits,
when animal rights
activists vehemently protested
out-coming result
slapping former president
with a PETA file.
Categories:
bigly, 11th grade, 12th grade,
Form:
Elegy
Who'd have thought it so easy to run a great nation,
No requirement for Congress or Supreme Court confirmation.
All you needs a Twitter handle and Executive Orders,
That's his guarantee to secure our fine borders.
While the Constitution is one thing you shouldn't discount,
It appears to be one notch below his Facebook account.
So put down your protests and give him his due,
If the President tweets it you know it is true!
So far it's not been so great, maybe we've been took,
By a bigly bull slinger who's probably a crook.
With mindless occupation on hits, likes, and views,
Don't you need a fake president to dish out fake news?
The guy beaks off like a loon...his thoughts meander,
But sauce for the goose make sources for slander.
We may even glimpse hope every now and then,
Too bad YouTwitFace is mightier than the pen.
Categories:
bigly, parody, political, riddle, usa,
Form:
Rhyme
how the hummingbird
loves the flower
the way you love me
This small haiku was dedicated to my son Rob Poulin and his family for their love, and my son's collecting some of my poems and creating a little-bigly book titled: THE LAST LEAF DECIDES. I am on his board of directors and Executive Vice President of his little publishing company: COLT PRESS which is publishing my poems. I asked that this haiku be included as a dedication to them, but I think it too late for inclusion. If we could all love the way a hummingbird loves the flower's nectar, love would be so sweet.
Categories:
bigly, love,
Form:
Senryu
In crowds bigly
And comparatively small
The Barker
Shot poisoned grammar arrows
At apple pie heads
Crowds roared with baked smiles
At milestones tossed
Across potomac alters
The Barker
Injected his virus
With mucus spray; tanned
With ease, aimed to please
He opened
His lips to fervid ears,
"Gather my trodden prey
Drink in this wolfish day,
I'm offered upon your crowns
Thorned by your bidding".
The Barker slithered his tongue
Wet with promise
And aimed
Arrow tipped sovereignty at the crowd.
He warned of witch hunts
Casting cosmopolitan spells
He bent the ears
Of youthful virtue
And glazed the past with boos
He spoke of imaginary signals
That praised his plans
He pledged to build things great again
Bigger than before
Skillfully he hides
Under tall silk hats
That cover colonial cranium worms
Each day his ego is fed
By the thoughts in his own head
And as the virus looms
One by one his goons
Believe all that is said.
Categories:
bigly, hero,
Form:
~ Homage to Walt Sing Matt Tilde ~
The art of the
"FAKE" deal (according
to Walt Dizzy Take a Knee Sing
Matt Tilde) once again
as oft iterated in previous poems,
doth (soup pearly, theoretically,
and wantonly) appertain
to anyone (abstractedly, essentially,
and loosely translated), aye ascertain
ptomaine anyone can attain
driving a hard bargain,
(sans basement prices)
utilizing her/his birdbrain,
(which might be about the size
of a child size chill blain -
mebbe acquired during
weather beaten life
at sea as boatswain),
nonetheless for results,
one best ought
be without a brain
even if promoted as Captain Cain
Guru, cuz to become
star apprentice,
one must master
trumpeting as a certain
Don Casanova Chieftain
stealing the vote if necessary
and freely distribute cocaine
(as an opiate of the masses)
to silence anyone
that might complain,
thus sets the
figurative stage to contain
any potentially mutinous threat
(against sought after bounty)
also necessitates practicing
nepotism assigning coxswain
to an immediate family member
with a skull full
bone if eyed crackbrain
and when upon
wheeling and dealing
i.e. thee metaphorical curtain
call - pull out
all stops to detain
vendor even exhibiting
faux ("FAKE) disdain
for deplorable basket weavers
iterated by domain holder
ye wish to acquire
sought after envied goodies,
oh...and do
everything to drain
the patience of he/she who
controls coveted booty
calling for trotting
out "Stormy
Daniels" to entertain
and continue ploy long after
hated yuge, bigly, stupid losers
winning morons with
zero wind blown naturally
"FAKE" orange blond
wind blown hair,
which constant induces
onlookers with eyestrain.
Categories:
bigly, 11th grade, 12th grade,
Form:
Free verse
The president to set press decorum
Said the man from the Penthouse forum
After setting up Acosta's CNN
Never to use a microphone again
The man who called Africa a hole
Afraid of the IRS for the money he stole
He also pronounced Cruz's wife ugly
On the stage prancing bigly
There was little Rubo
And Bush who was slow
Punch them in the face
Shot on Fifth Avenue without disgrace
Calling Senator Adam t
His antics he can't quit
The pimp and casino mogul
Setting decorum too cruel
Categories:
bigly, political,
Form:
Limerick
Jabbering Ignominious Hypocrite Gabbles - against the backdrop of gross unbridled viscous wracking zealotry bruiting extinguishing inherent national trust...
Poetic Introduction:
I wax and wane rhapsodic
plus prosaically politic
aware severe erosion
of American democracy
over run by narcissistic
over stuffed ego-freezer,
whose vocabulary
extremely laconic
foe swash buckling braggadocio
commander in chief
not gun shy
to brandish (hugely
bully like) jingoistic
tirade unleashing horrific
banshees more'n 10, 000
foo fighting maniacs
(nemesis of liberty) fatalistic
to sanctity of
United States democracy
throw back at him bigly,
his woeful treachery,
quasi xenophobic, tragic,
and lunatic bred anarchy!
Each ticking second of every single day, the pensive, doughy face execrably debased “dunderhead” criminal commander in chief (trumpeting acrimonious, calumnious, egregious...yakking), while donned in gay apparel) trumpeting lunatic, jingoistic, ideology imbues heretic catalysts.
Thou art unduly seething, quaking, and oozing mercurial kindling ideological glommed ethos of mine. These atrocious blaspheming, castigating, denigrating, excoriating, fulminating gross humiliations imply jerkiness, kookiness, lunacy.
No! Not for one more term can this acidulous, indecorous Mandates need outspoken politicians quickly removing this utterly vile wicked Xerses.
Thus spoke Zarathustra (without blandishment) to me, a gluten and monosodiumglutinate free, NON-GMO non-alarmist, nonestablishmentarian, nor ham aye a nihilist.
Categories:
bigly, 11th grade, 8th grade,
Form:
Free verse