Best Barney Poems
Don Knotts played the role of Deputy Fife,
Whose tomfoolery created much strife!
He bungled all that he did!
Sheriff Taylor blew his lid,
Distressed by Barney's screw-ups that were rife!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Meet the happy couple
That's Hilda all in white
Barney's there beside her
Loves her with all his might
They're an interracial couple
No problem nowadays
Frowned on not too long ago
But today it's a-okay
Met at the local horse saloon
Frequented by the equine crowd
She was a pretty show horse
He was boisterous and loud
Pretty soon, she tamed him
Settled him down just fine
Any filly would be proud to say
That stud over there is mine
Soon, a couple of months go by
Hilda's expecting a son
The happy couple race around
High hoof-ing everyone
Had a colt, called him Clyde
So proud of their little guy
Running through peaceful pastures
Then off to the clouds they fly
You can see this happy couple at night
When you view the evening sky
The three stars south of Orion
Are Barney, Hilda and Clyde
CHORUS
No man stands alone
in the street, the ring or the combat zone
some lay in the gutter
some sit on a throne
but no man stands alone
At the age of fourteen
he had a dream
to become a rabbi
Chicago 1924
then his dad was killed by men
who tried to rob the family store
his brothers and sisters were sent away
to an orphanage where they would stay
and though his faith was blown away
he vowed to bring them home someday
To God and man revenge he swore
he walked with gamblers,
hoods and whores
he fit right in
then on a whim
he walked into a boxing gym
he fought Canzoneri in ‘33
for the lightweight title victory
he made up with God
and finally
he could reclaim his family
Those McLarnon fights
were the stuff of lore
the only man
to ever put him on the floor
he won two out of three,
then in the Armstrong bout
he nearly died
but was never knocked out
then in 1941
the Japanese pulled a sneaky one
so he joined the marines
and he got a gun
and he sailed into the rising sun
On Guadalcanal,
he fought so brave
overmatched like old King Dave
he put twenty attackers
in an early grave
for the one marine
whose life he saved
in a hospital bed
for months and days
they kept him in a morphine haze
then sent him home
strung out and beat
to the pushers on the mean, mean street
Hollywood was very keen
to put his story on the silver screen
but they focused on the drug abuse
he tried to sue
but what’s the use?
Barney Ross was brave and strong
they couldn’t keep him down for long
his rabbi said that he must try
to be a model Jew in the public eye
but from the public eye he slipped
like a phantom radar blip
they say he hunted Nazi criminals
and he ran some guns to Israel
Barney Ross was brave and strong
I thought that he deserved a song
he did some bad
he did some good
and he saved the world
the best he could
Meet the happy couple
That's Hilda all in white
Barney's there beside her
Loves her with all his might
They're an interracial couple
No problem nowadays
Frowned on not too long ago
But today it's a-okay
Met at the local horse saloon
Frequented by the equine crowd
She was a pretty show horse
He was boisterous and loud
Pretty soon, she tamed him
Settled him down just fine
Any filly would be proud to say
That stud over there is mine
Soon, a couple of months go by
Hilda's expecting a son
The happy couple race around
High hoof-ing everyone
Had a colt, called him Clyde
So proud of their little guy
Running through peaceful pastures
Then off to the clouds they fly
You can see this happy couple at night
When you view the evening sky
The three stars south of Orion
Are Barney, Hilda and Clyde
© Jack Ellison 2015
Remember Barney the Snowman's dog?
He disappeared one day in the fog.
He was chasing a stick,
Not knowing it was a trick,
And got his head stuck in a log.
01/08/2017
For The Silly Christmas Cartoon contest.
Meet the happy couple
That's Hilda all in white
Barney's there beside her
Loves her with all his might
They're an interracial couple
No problem nowadays
Frowned on not too long ago
But today it's a-okay
Met at the local horse saloon
Frequented by the equine crowd
She was a pretty show horse
He was boisterous and loud
Pretty soon, she tamed him
Settled him down just fine
Any filly would be proud to say
That stud over there is mine
Soon, a couple of months go by
Hilda's expecting a son
The happy couple race around
High hoof-ing everyone
Had a colt, called him Clyde
So proud of their little guy
Running through peaceful pastures
Then off to the clouds, they fly
You can see this happy trio at night
When you view the evening sky
The three stars south of Orion
Are Barney, Hilda and Clyde
Meet the happy couple
That's Hilda all in white
Barney's there beside her
Loves her with all his might
They're an interracial couple
No problem nowadays
Frowned on not too long ago
But today it's a-okay
Met at the local horse saloon
Frequented by the equine crowd
She was a pretty show horse
He was boisterous and loud
Pretty soon, she tamed him
Settled him down just fine
Any filly would be proud to say
That stud over there is mine
Soon, a couple of months go by
Hilda's expecting a son
The happy couple race around
High hoof-ing everyone
Had a colt, called him Clyde
So proud of their little guy
Running through peaceful pastures
Then off to the clouds they fly
You can see this happy couple at night
When you view the evening sky
The three stars south of Orion
Are Barney, Hilda and Clyde
© Jack Ellison 2012
POOR BARNEY FIFE
There once was a young man named Barney Fife
He was a ladies man, but had no wife
He thought he was debonair
With lots of love he could share
But Deputy Fife is filled with great strife
Now he's laughed at by all of the women
He feels like they are rather condemning
His friend Sheriff Taylor said
Get those thoughts out of your head
And let them know you are worth redeeming
21 February 2019
For the contest sponsored by Joseph May
One Day Barney Fife was practicing his quick draw.
He accidentally shot Thelma Lou, he broke the law.
Andy had no choice but to put Barney in jail.
But Andy let Barney out when he said he had a crop of marijuana to sell.
Barney offered Andy a fifty-fifty deal.
But Andy wanted it all, he decided to steal.
He shot poor Barney and dumped his body in Myers Lake.
Andy became furious when he learned the marijuana was fake.
The crop of marijuana turned out to be oregano.
Andy was arrested and jail was where he had to go.
Andy will be pounding rocks for the rest of his days.
The Sheriff soon learned that crime doesn't pay.
Barney the Deputy of Mayberry,
one bullet in pocket he did carry.
Before a crime wave could flood,
he would nip it in the bud.
To the law the Deputy was married.
2/2/19
Fred Flintstone
In Bedrock he was known
His cat would always put him out
And for Wilma he would shout
Barney Rubble
Was always there on the double
To get Fred out of a jam
Then he would scram
Example For my Contest
8-28-2021
Out late tossin' the rag.
Turn down Barney Jenkins Road.
Big 'ol square white
house, freshly makeshift
sign in the lawn.
It reads:
SUNDAY SCHOOL 11AM
Ain't that beautiful?
Ain't that how the world
should turn?
Stick a sign on ya lawn
an' let the people come
right on in.
He's probably
a pedophile.
Fred Flintstone
Felt tingles, down his funny bone,
While playing his golf ball, he lost control.
Barney cried foul, as it bounced off his elbow into the hole.
Barney Rubble
Was in deep trouble,
When the match referee, ignored his demand.
And Fred laughed out loud, when Barney's ball plugged in the sand.
9 / 11 / 2021.
ive never met anyone in this life
as nervous as deputy barney fife
andy gave him a big gun
but a bullet only one
and will thelma ever become his wife
Limerick 4 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph may
2/13/19
Barney was the Sheriff's right hand man
When danger beckoned, he took a brave stand --
Barney's voice rose so high
Bad guys reached for the sky --
Giggles! ~ Barney always forgot the game plan
February 04, 2019
Entry in "Limerick 4" Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Joseph May