Best Arses Poems

Someone who knows
Said You were an old ancient Tree,
But at the time, it didn’t really matter, 
Or seem important to me.
I knew You only for a very short time 
and just a little…
You see.
Your transparent light green baby hands
Outside my window Waving 
And dancing, shaking...

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I'm in me bath here, with a box of red cheer, 
yeah a box of red cheer, beer's too bloody dear.
Me mind's wanderin twixt big **** and riches, 
bein able to scratch at what itches, 
without scratchin the bum out your britches.
 
If they think...

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Lenny was 30 and still living with his old cheese, everyone called, Lenny’s mum.
She was always on his Cadbury Snack to go find a trouble and strife for a chum.
“Geez, leave off mum, I’ve been looking down at the Punchbowl rubbity Dub”.
“Well Lenny, go to...

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sitting here like a moron in an old people's home,
they think i dont know where they've put me and my phone.

silly arses are searching my home for any hidden money .....you see
they won't find a blessed thing...they think I am off my trolley

have arranged a...

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Fifty years ago this July
  Three American astronauts put the lie to 'Why'
On the surface of the Moon they made a pinpoint landing
  Primitive technological devices notwithstanding

We thought the era of space exploration had started
  But after only six more missions, the...

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Junior school

Years gone by and we are all still fools 
For the silly things we laughed at school
Farting and burping and breaking the rules
Making large bubble gum circles whilst swimming in the local pool
Playing tennis in the summer because Wimbledon was cool
Weekends on muddy pitches...

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You think you enjoy the radical,
flaming in the gas jets of astral fumes, 
spinning in the ocular midnight of a rabid dogs dream,
yet, I think you know, NOTHING is as it seems.

An all too thorough pondering
of mundane thought comes to naught
as vulgar words don’t necessarily...

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An Ancient crazy Ox, 
Once had a whacking job,
Breaking on the dance floor,
One too many holes to show!
 
A sleepy grizzly bear on four,
Drinking ale with a drunkard 
boar,
On board a rocking Boat with 
one oar,
Singing 'bottles of rum' from 
Jamaica to Singapore!
 
Mind me...

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"Land's End"

All at once & with such Very Great Flair ~
So's no-one would notice what'd really taken Place~
SeaWolf & his Wench grabbed a wild Notion from thin Sea Air~
That with which they'd figured nary a Soul could keep Pace~

Off to the Hills & the Highlands...

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Generations of warmongers spew their lies
outward into the waiting abyss of greed
as the adult throng of drones 
buzz the factories and the farmlands, 
carpenter ants wasting the bounty of mother earth.

And we ..children of the flower children screamed
“Hell NO we won’t go!”
We burnt draft cards...

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Black spot on roses and fingerless mittens
Green stinging nettles and flea ridden kittens
All creepy crawlies and insects with wings
These are a few of my un-favourite things

When my back aches
When my head spins
When I’m fighting mad
I just remember my un-favourite things,
And then I feel twice as...

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Yes, we can all do things so dumb,
Then laugh and turn into fun,
Like sitting on our glasses,
With our elderly fat arses,
Making calls on the TV remote,
Try using the phone! Don't gloat,
You'll all do bloopers too,
Aging disgracefully, me and you!...

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Losing with Grace.....

Baseball players know how to play
their game and move on.
When they lose, they lose.
They don't talk of collusion, or who
stole bases and worse..
To call in the Fed to play the game of Farcical Illusions,
They move on to the next game.
It is not a federal...

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I've friends who sell drugs, 
and they are driving fast cars.
Friends who are into money heists
and they have mansions and fleets of super Cars,
I've a cousin smuggling diamond and gold, 
and he is flying all over the world

While I am stuck in my foul four...

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               ~POINT THE FINGER AT YOUR CHEST~





        What have you done lately,
        For your community?
  ...

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