PATTERN BALDNESS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stu the squirrel looked in the mirror with a fright.
“Oh no! My fur’s vanishing! What a horrible sight.”
What’s become of my ‘furdo?'
Maybe fur I can put on with glue.
OOPS! That doesn’t look right! Dastardly plight!”
He tugged at his thinning tufts with despair,
"Is this really the fate I must bear?
Squirrel pattern baldness,” they say,
“Runs deep in my crew’s way,
But I’d rather have fluffy brown hair!"
So Stu bought himself a furry, brown cap
But alas, looked as if he was wearing burlap.
Discarded it with a single motion
Giving up his silly notions.
Smiling, he admitted, “I’m still a charming chap.”
Categories:
baldness, 12th grade, humorous,
Form: Limerick
Toupee, or not toupee,
that is the question:
whether 'tis nobler on the head
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous alopecia
or to take wigs against a sea of baldness,
wear them as a buffer,
the whips and scorns stem,
and by opposing end them.
Ay, that's the nub.
With apologies to William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616)
Categories:
baldness, fun, hair, humorous, silly,
Form: Rhyme
Beware of the men in bald, they say.
You’ll see them everywhere.
They come in sizes, tall and short,
upon their heads, no hair.
The bald men come in thin, they say.
They also come in fat.
Their heads are found upon their necks,
often, underneath a hat.
It is much better, people say,
to have hair upon your head.
It doesn’t matter, the color,
be it blonde or black or red.
But, if your head grew grass instead,
they’d say you ought to mow it,
and water it so it won’t fall out.
That’s what they’d say, I know it.
Now let me tell you something, son,
about the bald men you will see.
Some of them are not so bad,
like my father, his father, and me.
Categories:
baldness, hair, humor,
Form: Rhyme
Wintertime is cold, but nice -
Water turns itself to ice.
Springtime gets a little hotter -
Ice turns itself back into water.
Summer’s still hotter by degrees -
You see green leaves on all the trees.
Autumn gives us weather fair -
But leaves the trees without their hair.
Categories:
baldness, humor, seasons,
Form: Couplet
The hair on my head is no more.
I lost it at age twenty-four.
The X chromosome
made useless my comb
and brought shiny scalp to the fore.
Categories:
baldness, hair, humorous,
Form: Limerick
What do you do if you lose a leg
Put on an artificial one instead
And if your eye sight needs improving
Glasses are the thing to get them moving
But alas if your hair is what’s missing
Wearing a toupee will get you some ribbing
So there seems no hope for a nude nut living
Except shaving it all without apologies or forgiving.
© Paul Warren Poetry
Categories:
baldness, hair,
Form: Ballad
If I had a cure for baldness.
I'd grow lots and lots of hair.
I'd want to look like Cousin ITT..
Or possibly Sonny and Cher..
I'd grow it to my ankles.
I'd grow it to my knees.
Comb it, and braid it, and tease it..
Then laugh until I sneeze.
If I had a cure for baldness.
I'd make sure I had a brush.
I'd brush my hair in the morning air.
I'd brush it from dawn till dusk..
If I had a cure for baldness.
I'd be a millionaire.
I'd make lots and lots of money.
I'd sit in a barber's chair.
I'd want to look like Cousin ITT..
Or possibly Sonny and Cher..
If I had a cure for baldness...
Humorous Poetry By Kim Robin Edwards
Copyright 2009,2014..
ALL rights reserved..
Categories:
baldness, growth, hair, humor,
Form: Prose
This is so random....O_O
But gimmee a break--its two in the morning.
-----------------------------
Upon dark cloaks billowing in the wind,
We come across Death in all matters of sin,
Kidnapped in a magic white truck,
Driven into the night,
Can’t escape the baldness and the fright!
Drag our hearts to the land we long to see,
Make the best for you…and mostly me,
Chords that lick the life outah me
I'd only wish that we were free and full,
Far away from the shiny bald skull....
Life’s exiting shrill in the silent lull…
Of tomorrow
Categories:
baldness, forgiveness, friendship, funny, life,
Form: Rhyme