You Never Believe Me
You never believe me when I tell you the truth
And you always believe that I’m uncouth
You think you’d be glad I came home and shed a sad tear
Remember how I was abducted by aliens last year
That woman I was with should not cause you to fear
I was testing her lipstick to see if it would smear
Last week when I didn’t come home that night
I met a vampire and damn, she could bite
Then I wanted to make sure I was okay
So I waited for the sun to come up the next day
Now I won’t be home at all next week
So please don’t pop your cork
I have training scheduled for the CIA
On a secret base in upstate New York
You never believe me, not a single word that I say
You know that my missions often take me away
No, I can’t call and I won’t be hanging in bars
My next assignment is to investigate Mars
Yes, that was me you saw with that blonde
I was just covering her for James Bond.
You never believe me when I’m telling you so
I have people to do and places to go
You never believe me, you know I won’t lie
My eyes are bloodshot, when I’m homesick I cry
Please believe me, I’m not out there having fun
Don’t look at me like that and put down the gun.
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