You knock now

Father I miss you I wish we were close You're not that far, we're in the same house We eat dinner together We converse by silence, You smile at me, fill the space with jokes and love That we both know I won't respond to. But we pretend, we all do, That we are a happy family. Like I don't just act like you don't exist. You were the quiet storm, I remember watching the ashes of my favourite teddy bear That you set fire to, behind my back. Good thinking, I didn't scream with tears or Make a scene I quietly told myself 'That's impossible'. Maybe it wasn't just the stuffed animal You knew to burn. You burnt our connection too. This time again, I didn't cry. I swallowed my sadness and Painted dreams on denial. Denial that you're not my home. That you're not the void inside me. I waited, looking at you through the window of hope With the doors wide open. You didn't come. I quietly locked it from inside. I stopped waiting. And then the city drowned, The soft rain now summoning floods. You knock on the door, Desperate and helpless. You try to break in, kick it open. It doesn't budge. The city drowns under.